Zhengzhou Traditional Chinese Medical Hall: It can be said that the true self is like the seed of life energy, and its development needs the care and nourishment of a good enough mother to eventually develop into a strong and healthy self.
What does the process look like? When you were a baby, especially six months ago, when you cried, would your mom guess that the baby was hungry? Are you peeing? Or is there something else wrong? Maybe you just want to be held by your mom. Whatever you need, your mother responds to you immediately, convincing you that your physical and emotional needs are being met.
From about 6 months, you also need to accept a small number of setbacks, that is, when you are hungry, you need to wait a while to have milk, when you want to play with your mother, you need to wait a while for your mother to appear... This frustration experience will gradually make you have a sense of reality, cultivate the ability to withstand setbacks, and experience more sense of value, which is also one of your development needs, and good enough parents can also pay attention to and promote.
In the continuous care, the sense of existence of the true self is constantly strengthened, and a cohesive and healthy self is gradually formed.
In reality, we often see some parents turn to the other end and become "overly satisfied parents" because they are worried that they will become "neglected parents", which can be said to be another kind of "neglect", ignoring the child's self-development needs. Therefore, the care and attention provided by good enough parents must meet the developmental needs of the child.
Let's imagine another scenario as well. When the baby is crying, the mother will make the baby cry without paying attention, or act very uneasy. Instead of taking care of the baby, she shouted at the baby: "Don't cry, if you cry again, I will throw you out!"
If both of these situations are normal, that is, if the mother can't let go of her own needs to meet the needs of the baby, then slowly, the baby may not cry, and even deny that she has emotions and needs. Since then, she has only obeyed the needs of her parents, become a "good child" in her parents' mouth, and lost contact with her true self.
The hidden true self at this time is very weak and lacking, waiting for the opportunity to be nourished and redeveloped.