"Incense" after thirty-nine

I have ideas, no room for imagination. Not to mention the avenues for change. You can only fall into the unspoken vulnerability of losing yourself. It was something I thought a few days before I got married, and it was more of a feeling of powerlessness. It's like something that runs through you all the time; it's all grasshoppers on a rope, and you can't run away.

That day I left work to go to the dormitory, the bicycle bell rang and immediately stopped at my feet, and I knew that it was Wang Feng without looking up. I walked around the road, and he whizzed in front of me like a charge from behind, pulling up my arm and slamming the bike, turning left and right on the road. Dragged by him to my toes, he got down and picked me up and put me on the beam in front of the bike and pushed it all the way, all the way. He laughed as he ran and said, "Fun, huh?" ”。 When he arrived at the new room, he pulled me to see the room he had arranged, and he smiled and giggled and praised himself for the good arrangement, saying that he had drawn the outline of the human body; he used to like to draw people, that is, a piece of paper to draw two vertical bends and bends, he said that it was the front chest and the back of the hips. Saying that he took a paper shell and put it on the bed with only wooden planks and sat me down, pressed me to stand up, pressed a few times I stood in the doorway and said to him, "You are like a sudden change of a person, people can't figure it out, like evil, when you are fierce, you raise your face and sharp mouth like a fox, thin and ugly, I am sure that in the coming day you will become more intense." If so, every day is an absent-minded life. I don't want to marry you anymore. ”

As I turned to go, he picked up the wooden plank on the bed and slammed it against the standing cabinet, the sound of cracking and breaking, the broken glass on the ground. I was shocked, my heart was beating wildly, and I froze there and did not dare to move. Wang Feng said:

"Have you ever thought about my difficulties?"

He looked at me with tears in my eyes, a layer of white dust floating in my hair, like I had struggled in a cobweb, and then forgot about the water, he was busy ruined. I didn't look at him just now, and now I don't allow time to think about it, so I softened, or rather, it hurt him. He always loved to be clean and his hair was always black and shiny. He said, "I am busy getting this and that every day, this is looking for someone to point, that others give some, the family does not have so much money, and do not want to be worse than others, how difficult, you also understand my hardships." "I think what he said is reasonable, and the reason for the green sensen that appears through the provision of the statement is that I am not reasonable. At that moment, I doubted whether he had ever been angry with me, for a moment I forgot why I didn't want to marry him, and even felt that I was making a fuss. I put my sad mood for a few days on hold and put it in an empty place. Wang Feng sat on the edge of the bed and twisted his face and held his chin like a sad look, I don't know what to say, we were silent for a long time, he said, "Tomorrow go to the city to buy bedding, my mother said to let you choose the color you like." I snorted and said:

"All right."

Years later, the serious miss of the bicycle was once again silently enjoyed as it had been; the beam sank under my body, the intuition was too narrow and too hard, and it was a certain degree of unsteadiness to sit on it. Although the existence of the bicycle is now completely ignored, the original one has never been forgotten. Although other things at that time were accused and denigrated by themselves. But the five minutes of sitting on a bike beam and being pushed and running are always: side by side, with a lot of style.

May 8th is the right day for marriage, that morning there was a light rain, wet the ground, but the air is still cold in the spring, whizzing cool.

On the seventh day, our house became lively, and we set up a stove, just like the red tape of doing a happy event. Relatives came from afar, the house was in the South Kang and North Kang, and the courtyard was suddenly full of people. The beautiful buzzing and sticky scene are set against a chaotic pan and pan. I do everything according to the rules, and it seems that it has nothing to do with myself. While repeating the meaning of a sentence with Wen Jing, "He may be more unreasonable and rude in the future, I dare to judge, I can't be sure." But the two times I witnessed it, I couldn't let go, lingering in my heart, always discouraged. ”

"What then?"

Wen Jing looked at me and said:

"You can't help it, it's all at this time." Get married, maybe he'll get better later. ”

"Can you?"

I suddenly had a sudden moment and told Wen Jing, "I think well, I can get a divorce after marriage, as long as he is not good to me, or so barbaric, I will resolutely divorce him." "I silently had a series of subtle thoughts in my mind, that is, the previous doubts were heavy, and when I divorced and then found someone else, I could justify it, and I didn't need to say a word to explain my previous affairs." This idea is like a different hole in the sky, which makes people cheerful.

For a moment, I was sad again, and I still felt that something was wrong, maybe something was wrong.

to be continued

2021.11.29