Why is it easier for lovers to be out of the west in their eyes?

Married people must have such a feeling, before marriage, during the period of hot love, seeing each other is full of advantages, even if there are shortcomings, in the eyes of lovers is also a full of personality "advantages". After marriage, everything is a disadvantage, even if it is an advantage, now it seems that it is not pleasing to the eye.

When I was in love with my husband, his most impressive qualities were sincerity, self-motivation, and respect for my opinions. After getting married, the place where I annoyed him the most was exactly what I appreciated the most before. He was sincere, so sincere that he told the truth about everything, without any regard for the occasion or timing. For example, when the third anniversary of the wedding anniversary I forgot, the next day I remembered, I asked my husband, what day was yesterday, my husband said let's get married on the third anniversary of the wedding anniversary, I said did you remember yesterday? He said he remembered, I said since you know why don't you remind me, he said we don't usually have these festivals. Although he is telling the truth, I usually do not have a variety of festivals, but you can't be too honest, so I can say that you forgot yesterday, and I can feel more comfortable in my heart. Before getting married, my husband consulted and listened to me on many things, such as where to buy a house? What decoration style is set? What do you buy for your car? What to eat and wear will refer to my opinion, after marriage I found that he is too able to seek my opinion, many times I want him to make independent decisions, but he is still not at ease afraid of my complaints, have to talk to me, added a lot of unnecessary trouble to me.

Why didn't I see these shortcomings in my husband before I got married and even regarded them as advantages?

From a psychological point of view, it is because before I got married, I had a halo effect on my husband. The so-called halo effect means that when people perceive others, they will draw the initial judgment based on personal preferences, and then deduce other qualities of the cognitive object based on this judgment, and not look at the true quality of the other party, forming a "stereotype" that is good or bad. It is as if under the action of clouds and fog, the light of the sun and moon spreads around, forming a halo, so the halo effect is also known as the "halo effect". In the 1920s, the famous American psychologist Edward Sandek first proposed the halo effect. He believes that people's cognition of others often starts from a part, and then spreads out the overall impression, which is easy to make the mistake of partial generalization. If a person is marked as good, he is enveloped by an aura of positive affirmation and endowed with the qualities of all good; if a person is marked as bad, he is enveloped by an aura of negativity and is considered to have all kinds of bad qualities. Therefore, the halo effect can also be called the "point general effect", which is an exaggerated social impression formed due to subjective inference. [1]

American psychologist Kelly conducted an experiment with students in two classes at MIT. Before the class, the experimenter announces to the students that a graduate student will be temporarily invited to substitute for the class. Then tell the student about the graduate student. Among them, the information introduced to one class of students that the graduate student has many qualities such as enthusiasm, diligence, pragmatism, and decisiveness, and the information introduced to the other class of students is the same except for "enthusiasm" replaced by "indifference". And the students don't know. The difference between the two introductions is that after class, the students of the previous class and the graduate students see each other and talk intimately; The students of the other class turned away from him and avoided him coldly. It can be seen that the difference between only one word in the introduction will affect the overall impression. The students wore these colored glasses to observe the substitutes, and the graduate student was covered with halos of different colors. [2]

So, why is it easier for lovers to go out of the west in their eyes? Couples in love, pleasing to each other, across the beautiful veil of love, can not see the true quality of each other, then will be based on their own preferences to draw the initial judgment. Specifically, the initial mutual attraction between couples is because of each other's good qualities or can bring good feelings to each other, these beautiful qualities and feelings are easy to let themselves see the advantages of each other, then it is very easy to deduce other advantages of cognitive objects according to these advantages, although sometimes these advantages do not exist, and may even be shortcomings, but people in love, because of like, each other's shortcomings have become in their eyes full of personality "advantages"; because of like, the state of mind becomes open Any innocuous shortcomings can also be tolerated, even invisible, so it is easier for lovers to be out of the west in their eyes.

[1] 79 Unspoken Rules of Psychology That Change Life

[2] 3. Kanazawa S , Kovar J L . Why beautiful people are more intelligent[J]. Intelligence, 2004, 32(3):0-243.