Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 9 Are Our Fate Exhausted?" section content.
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Marriage counseling is a major service of psychological counseling. What position should counsellors take in this? What questions are being pushed for inquirers to think about? What is the ultimate goal? This is a common problem in marriage counseling. In the following note, I did marriage counseling for a female international student from China, in which I did not persuade or disperse, I just tried my best to push her to do more reflection and communication, and finally achieved the desired results.
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Wei Hong is a graduate student at Harvard University.
Her husband Zhigang came to the United States to visit relatives half a year ago as an accompanist. After he came, he has been idle at home, although he occasionally goes out to work, but it is always piecemeal and cannot last. Moreover, Zhigang's temper was getting worse and worse, and Wei Hong was more and more disappointed in him.
When the two of them did not gather, they thought bitterly, and when they were together, they fought bitterly, and there was no bright road in the night.
Wei Hong learned English and Zhi Gang studied politics and economics. The two have similar temperaments, match their looks, and begin to fall in love when they are in their junior year. They are recognized as a pair of talented women on campus, and they built a love nest after graduation.
At that time, they strolled under the moon in front of the flowers and kissed lightly in the breeze of Xiulin. The head of the tree learned that they had sung for them, that the frogs of the pond had cheered for them, that the white clouds had testified for them, and that the setting sun had blessed them.
Later, Wei Hong was not willing to let his college classmates go abroad one by one, and only he stuck to his post. In the four years of college, Wei Hong's academic performance has always been top-notch, so why should she lag behind others in the matter of studying abroad?
Wei Hong couldn't figure it out, so he and Zhigang wanted to study abroad together. But Zhigang is not very keen to go abroad, and he is willing to do a career at home. He believes that going abroad may not have the ability, and staying at home may not be impossible.
Zhigang was born in a high-ranking cadre family, has extensive social relations, and is very convenient to do anything, so he is unwilling to give up this good "base area".
In desperation, Wei Hong began to contact the matter of going abroad alone, and was quickly admitted to a state university in the central United States to pursue a master's degree in English teaching law and received a full scholarship. Wei Hong told Zhigang the good news with excitement, but Zhigang said coldly, "Didn't you say that you wouldn't go abroad?"
"Then almost all the people in our class are gone, I have studied English for so many years, shouldn't I go out and meet the world?" You can think about it for me too. Wei Hong pouted.
"You can wait for the opportunity of the public dispatch." Zhigang replied.
"Public dispatch? Forget it, I don't know if I have to wait until the Year of the Monkey and the Month of the Horse. Wei Hong said with a bitter smile.
Zhi Gang frowned and said nothing.
Wei Hong pointed to the admission letter and said, "Look here, it's a full scholarship, don't go for nothing."
Therefore, the two families discussed the matter together, and finally decided to let Wei Hong "go abroad" and return after completing his studies. Zhigang's family also specifically mentioned that both of them are not young enough to start thinking about having children.
Wei Hong "went out of the ocean", Zhi gang went to the airport to send off, the two were very sad. They had never been separated like this since college.
When Wei Hong said goodbye to Zhi gang with tears in his eyes, he flashed an unprecedented sense of loss in his heart. She didn't know how her life would change as the upcoming Boeing 747 flew across the ocean. She also thought about the abortion not long ago. If this matter was known to Zhigang's family, they would definitely vigorously oppose her going abroad immediately. After all, their grandfather was already a seventy-year-old man, and there were already two granddaughters in the family, waiting to hold their grandchildren.
At this critical moment, Zhigang supported her without hesitation.
During the trip, Wei Hong recorded all these feelings in a diary, and she even regretted that she had gone out to study alone.
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After Wei Hong arrived on the other side of the ocean, he quickly adapted to the life of a foreign land, and his studies also reproduced the glory of that year.
Wei Hong felt that her youth vitality was rejuvenating, and she used her spare time to run a lot of places, and she liked this land more and more. More importantly, she is no longer satisfied with just getting a master's degree, she wants to advance to a doctorate. Moreover, we must advance to the doctorate degree of a prestigious university.
So she began to apply for graduate school at Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, Columbia and other universities, and was admitted to the Harvard Graduate School as she wished. The day Wei Hong received her acceptance letter from Harvard University, she cried with excitement. She didn't expect her luck to be so good. She immediately called her home and made an appointment for Zhigang to answer the phone.
"I've been accepted to Harvard!" Wei Hong shouted excitedly into the telephone microphone. But there was silence on the other side of the microphone.
"Hey, hey, Zhigang, did you hear me?" Wei Hong screamed.
"I hear you, but what do you tell me to do?" Finally, zhi gang answered weakly in the microphone.
"Come to America, I'll take you to New York, Washington, the Atlantic Casino, Disneyland, don't you want to come out and meet the world?"
"Oh, but you told me how to explain to my parents, and my father asked me when you would come back two days ago."
Wei Hong was no longer excited. After a pause, she continued: "Zhigang, you have always been very aggressive, how did you become so shrunken in the matter of going abroad?"
"Breaking through, the vigor doesn't have to be used to go abroad!" Zhi Gang's voice began to grow louder, "At the moment, I am going to the sea with a few buddies to do business, and even the land is found, just waiting for you to come back and do a big job together." Your English can come in handy, you say, how do you tell me to explain to those buddies?"
Neither stopped talking.
At this time, Wei Hong's father took the phone and said, "Don't you all waste money so much, or let's sit down and discuss it first, and then reply to you, okay?"
"No," Replied Wei Hong flatly, "according to the regulations of American universities, if I do not reply to the university within fifteen days of their letter, I will automatically give up the scholarship." ”
"Alas, such a big thing, how can you get someone to reply to you immediately. You and Zhigang also have a date first, and now there must be a negotiation process for change. Wei Hong's father muttered.
"I only got the news today, and besides, this is Harvard!" Wei Hong was not satisfied that her father did not speak for herself.
"Then you should tell everyone your thoughts earlier, let us also have a mental preparation, you always love to give everyone a surprise attack..."
At this time, Zhigang took the phone and said that he would allow him to go home and discuss it again, and made an appointment to call again the next day.
There is no need to say more about the things behind, anyway, Zhigang quit his job and did not go to the sea to do business, but came to the United States to accompany him.
Wei Hong and ZhiGang were finally reunited. However, the passions of the past have not reappeared, and they are becoming more and more strange to each other, and they are increasingly lacking in a common language. The two of them went from small quarrels to big quarrels, from the original bed and the same dream to the current bed and different dreams, but it is more than half a year's work.
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After reading the content of this chapter, I don't know how everyone feels. A whole bunch of scenes and words popped up in my head to describe the relationship between Wei Hong and Zhi Gang.
For example: Lang Cai female appearance, a pair made in heaven, a pair set on the ground, passionate love sparks.
The ideal is very full, the reality is very bone. Is the moon bright in a foreign country or a moon in China good? Is it the best thing that suits you?
Can the military terminology of not being sweet and not fighting an unprepared battle be found in the common life and marriage relationship between Wei Hong and Zhi gang?
Self, too self, do not consider the feelings of others, everything takes their own needs as the starting point,
When you leave your familiar and comfortable environment, can you start from scratch?
How to deal with the low tide period of your own? Is it complaining or understanding?
Career and marriage, which is more important? When the eldest child gets married, what should I do with the opinions of my parents? When there is a rift in the marriage, can it be stitched, how can it be stitched, and can the dying marriage save the success? Where is the foothold?
The content of this section is quite representative. How did the plot develop, whether the author's counseling method worked, and I don't know how it ended? Because I'm looking forward to it as much as everyone else. Reading books together, I don't want to watch that step earlier! Perhaps, such an interpretation, such a feeling, is more real!
November 26, 2021 #Counselor says #