Why don't children listen or cry? Every time you have to be angry, the stick is taken out before you do it? Come and see if the child is the cause of the suffering words!
In kindergarten, children have almost no stress in life, and they only know how to eat, play, sleep, and live happily every day. But after entering elementary school and having homework pressure every day, the number of "urged" people has increased greatly, and his parents not only have to urge him to take a bath and sleep, but now they also have to ask him from time to time, "Is the homework written?" " "Take out the contact book and sign it for me!" "Will the school bag be sorted tomorrow?"
Some children may call and move, but some children make their parents angry! As long as you ask a child to do something every day, the atmosphere in the home will definitely be smoky. In this regard, the child teacher of the Children's Concentration Center explains the child's "immovable" behavior in the new book.
Why do children not move
Usually children under the age of 4 do not have the awareness of group life, can not understand the meaning of "abide by the norms of life, restrain their own behavior" means, it is likely to occur "only do what they want to do", and the most likely age is in children aged 3 and a half to 4 and a half years old.
For children of this age, teachers advise parents to "establish structured situations" so that children know that there are moments when they can't do what they want to do, and that rules should be made, such as explicitly telling children to "play games after eating" or "watching TV after doing homework".
Children with "Asperger qualities" will have a deeper attachment to what they "want to do", giving people a kind of self-imposed, uncontrolled stubbornness. But for children with Asperger's traits, it is because they are less sensitive to "social information", such as their inability to read the emotions of others, changes in body movements, changes in expressions... Wait, so they can't feel the emotions of adults getting angry, and they don't have a "I want to do it quickly" behavior change because "Mom and Dad are already angry."
Even so, children with Asperger traits pay a lot of attention to "rules." Therefore, as long as adults establish simple rules for the execution and distribution of things, and rank the things that children want most as rewards, children will be able to complete tasks according to the rules.
I don't know if adults have noticed, sometimes children can't move is for people! The father shouted, and the child ignored it; but the mother immediately moved as soon as her eyes stared at the child. Teacher Tong Tong summarized this situation in "unclear rules for enforcers" and "the influence of power structures"!
If the rules are not clear, children will drill loopholes or make noises, because in the past adults would give up because children made trouble and cried. In order to avoid this situation, adults must discuss clear rules with children before the event occurs, and try to be as specific as possible, so as not to be too abstract, adults and children's cognition differences cause misunderstandings, such as "tidying up the room" is very vague, how to call the tidying up the room, what is the definition of tidying up? At this time, adults can change the phrase "put toys in boxes and do not have anything on the ground", which is much clearer.
Finally, if things still don't go well, solutions can be provided without affecting the premise of the rules, such as "giving options" and "proposing alternatives". For example, "Play the last slide, we'll go home," but if the child continues to play, you can give a choice: "If you don't come home, you can't play tomorrow, or you can go home together now and play again tomorrow"; or propose an alternative: "You can go home with me now and play with your favorite toy!"
Another reason for children's disobedience to specific objects is the "power structure" just mentioned above, which is to put it bluntly: "Whoever is the boss of the family listens to whom!" For example, if the father is more like a friend in the child's psychology, it may be easy to call the child.
In such a situation, the adult who is "despised" by the child does not have to be sad, but you can use the advantage of your own identity to make the child more willing to do what we ask him to do. For example, "Let's go take a shower together" instead of "You go to the shower now", "You don't have homework yet, how long will it take?" Change it to "Is there a lot of homework this time?" Let's take a look!"
Why do children call not to move negative experiences
The last situation is neither for "events" nor for "people", he just doesn't want to do that thing, for example, all the homework is done, but he refuses to touch the numbers to learn to do, or refuses to help wash the dishes! It's possible that they may have had negative experiences in the past that they don't dare touch them again. For example, because mathematics has never been able, it has been humiliated and criticized by adults; or washing dishes and breaking dishes, being beaten up by adults.
The first thing adults have to do is to avoid angry words, and help the child correct mistakes, tell him in a positive way what he has done, done a great job, and then tell him what he can do better! Instead of focusing on what he is not doing well; the second is to give the child a sense of security of "being loved and accepted unconditionally", and the child will gradually open his heart and be willing to try and learn, because he knows that no matter what happens, someone will love him and accept him.
Maybe it is still very difficult to really implement, but if we know the reasons why children can't move and the solutions, I believe that the frustration of adults will not be so heavy, and there will be more empathy for children!