See a data released by the Civil Affairs Bureau: in 2019, 9.5 million marriages were registered, and the number of married couples fell below 10 million for the first time in the past decade; in 2019, 4.15 million divorces were registered, and divorced couples broke 4 million for four consecutive years.
That is to say, on average, more than 10,000 couples divorce every day.
From loving each other, entering into marriage with a beautiful vision, to finally speaking ill of each other, acting like enemies, and moving towards divorce, our marriage seems to suffer from an incurable serious illness overnight.
But in fact, before a serious illness, there must be a hidden disease.
In marriage, there are three hidden diseases, which need special attention.
01 Suspicion
In "Beautiful Torture", the male protagonist Paul runs a good business hotel, marries his love at first sight, beautiful and enthusiastic wife, gives birth to a lovely child, and it is reasonable to say that life should be quite happy.
However, Paul gradually became jealous of his wife because her appearance was too beautiful, always attracting the enthusiastic attention of the hotel guests.
Despite the wife's repeated commitments to minimize her relationship with them and often expressing love to her husband, paul's heart was not eliminated.
When he sees his wife talking to a traveler, he thinks that his wife has a crush on others.
When the hotel loses power and his wife gives candles to the guests in the room, he thinks it is the wife who is trying to seduce the guests.
When he saw his wife's bracelet on the attic, he thought in his heart that it was evidence that his wife had accidentally left behind when she was having an affair with someone.
His wife was so nervously tormented by his suspicions that she had to go to the doctor, but Paul, who followed him, scolded his wife in front of the doctor as a slut because he felt that his wife was having an affair with the doctor he had met for the first time.
The wife was in pain, and finally couldn't bear it anymore and chose to divorce.
It is "Piaf is not guilty, but Pregnant is guilty." "
The wife could not have imagined that one day she would be so jealous of her husband because of her beauty, causing her to fall into the abyss of endless pain.
And so did Paul.
Suffering from jealousy in his heart, he could not imagine that he had fallen in love with his wife because of her beauty, and finally destroyed his wife and his home because of her beauty.
Leo Tolstoy said, "If there is anything worse in the world than suffering, it is suspicion." "
Suspicion between husband and wife has always been a double-edged sword, whether it is the jealous party or the jealous party, they all stand on their own positions and endure pain and torture.
The basis of marriage is trust, and when constant suspicion makes trust cease to exist, then marriage is nothing more than a castle built on the beach, seemingly solid, and the wind collapses as soon as it blows.
02 Calculations
In "A Tree of Peach Blossoms", the wife played by Lan Yingying and the husband played by Li Hongliang get along like this every day.
The wife made a table of dishes, and the husband picked up the bowl and said, "There is not a single bit of meat in the dish!" "
The wife replied, "Did you give me the money to buy meat?" When have I ever seen you for a penny! "
The husband was furious: "I already know that you are not satisfied, my money is given to my mother, that is my mother, can I not raise her?" What are you so bothered about? "
The wife quarreled: "I pay all the money, your money is given to your mother, you live with your mother." "
A dinner, because of the calculation of how much money the two families have invested, the quarrel is not happy, and the gap between the husband and wife is multiplied.
However, such a confrontation is just a microcosm of the calculated state of the two people's married life.
The wife treated herself to buy a lipstick and beautified a makeup, but the husband said in a strange way: "Makeup? Lipstick is pretty pretty, huh? Not cheap, right? They are all married, what do you do with that money? "
In the middle of the night, the husband asked his wife to go to the pig's trotters, and as a result, the wife made a mistake in operation, causing the lid of the pressure cooker to collapse, and the wife was frightened and squatted on the ground.
The husband rushed into the kitchen, saw a room of chaos, and yelled at his wife: "This decoration was destroyed by you, how long has this been renovated?" Spent a lot of money! Can you please be careful! "
When his wife argued with him, "Shouldn't you first care about whether people have anything to do?" "
But he replied with a straight face, "What are you thinking about?" What's wrong with you? "
Yu Minhong said: "A calculating, selfish man, a man who sees a copper plate larger than a millstone, will overshadow the men's world." "
It is not only the world of men that is discolored, but also the world of marriage between men and his wife.
What is calculated is the cost, and what is damaged is the feeling. The more calculated, the less affection between husband and wife, and the happiness in marriage becomes a luxury.
03 Complain
In "Reader 2", there is an episode of the show, and the guests invited are Yang Huishan and Zhang Yi, former actors and directors, and now the master of glass craftsmanship.
They mentioned in the show that from the filmmaker to the completely unfamiliar glass field, the process is difficult but never complains.
At the beginning, the husband and wife divided their work, the wife Yang Huishan was responsible for research and development, and the husband Zhang Yi was responsible for raising funds.
However, research and development could not be done, there was no result for a long time, and later, the funds gradually began to be insufficient, and even life became extremely difficult.
Yang Huishan burned almost all her savings, and after her brother and father and sister's house were mortgaged, there was still a lot of debt, and for Zhang Yi, friends would not answer his phone when they saw him, because they knew that they were coming to borrow money.
When the host asked, "Did you complain to each other during the hardest time?" "
Yang Huishan touched her husband's hand and replied: "No, no, I think it is very happy to be able to do it together." That's the one that matters! "
Zhang Yi held her hand, looked at her and smiled, and nodded frequently.
Zhang Yi confessed to the host that she often woke up in the middle of the night, found that the other party was not around, and went to the workshop again, she was so obsessed with work and did not care about her body...
At that time, I would worry about whether my partner would come and tell herself early in the morning that she was dead.
He said: "At that time, I would have wanted to say that if it was only myself, I would not continue, and later, I thought, for her, it was more important than anything to complete this... I'll go on..."
Because I love you, even in the face of suffering, I will not blame you, as long as I am with you;
Because loving you will support your decision and will not complain that you do not cherish your body;
Because I love you, even if you are gone, I will continue for you without complaint.
It is no wonder that netizens sighed: what kind of fairy love this is, and what kind of fairy marriage.
Fu Seoul, a debater, said: "Marriage is an agreement between two people to travel to a place in the same car. "
With death as the destination, the rest of life, and marriage as the carrier, this trip must be full of hardships and sweetness.
If the husband and wife encounter unsatisfactory things and complain to each other, then the marriage car must be bumpy in the process of driving, and the trip will not have the expected sense of comfort and ease.
04 Deal with problems in a timely manner in order to maintain a good marriage
Suspicion, calculation, complaints and other issues are common small problems in marriage, and the reason why the end of the marriage can be determined is determined by the attitude of the husband and wife to face the problem.
Once saw an interview with a golden couple and was asked about the secret of the marriage maintenance, the wife replied
"If you have a problem, don't stay overnight, no matter how fierce the day is, you will definitely sit down and have a good chat."
Do not condemn, do not suppress, simply tell the facts, talk about feelings, seek solutions, after talking clearly, and then sleep together, the feelings are getting better and better. "
I really appreciate the couple's attitude of dealing with issues in a timely manner.
In the face of problems, choosing to turn a blind eye, or let it go, although it can maintain a superficial calm, but with the accumulation of problems, it will only make the husband and wife drift apart, and the marriage maintenance will become empty talk.
Instead, discover the problem, sit down in time to communicate with the other person, without emotion, without condemning the attack, understand the problem, and then solve the problem.
Then, every problem in the marriage will become a good time for the couple to establish a deeper emotional connection, and the marriage will become easier.
The writer Ma Weidu once said: "No one in his life, every step is right, but the next step can not be taken wrong, correct it." A person can succeed in this society because his ability to correct mistakes is better than others. "
Life is like this, and so is marriage.
You can't guarantee that the marriage will not have problems, but when you encounter problems, correct them in time, and solve them, this is the secret that can keep the marriage lasting for a long time.
May you also be able to cut through thorns with your partner in marriage and harvest a happy and long-term marriage.