Author: A Corner of the Heart Sea (Parents Intensive Reading)
On the courage stage of the latest variety show "Teenagers Say", Cui Jing, a sixth-grade girl, said the first words on the stage:
In my heart, Dad was a particularly serious, old-fashioned man who always believed only what his eyes saw.
Cui Jing said that she used her mobile phone to look up words, and her father thought she was playing with her mobile phone when she saw it.
At this time, Cui Jing's tears could not be controlled, and then she talked about the contradiction with her sister, which made her tears flow.
She said that her sister often provoked her, and then her sister complained to her father, and her father came to teach her a lesson without saying a word, and she cried and pleaded with her father, can you try to believe me once?
After a pause, Cui Jing's father responded:
You also learned the story of Kong Rong let the pear in school, maybe this father is too nervous, Kong Rong let the pear should have been a younger brother and sister let the older brother and sister ah!
However, Cui's father actually continued: "You are 6 years older than your sister, do you still need your father to say this?" ”
The broken Cui Jing asked his father: "Why is it that my sister did something wrong, and every time I apologize?" ”
Father Cui said without hesitation: "She is small and she does not understand things, and you do not understand things?" ”
No matter how Cui Jing told his grievances, Cui's father was a sentence: "After all, she is small!" ”
Even the two hosts couldn't look away and came on stage to communicate with Cui's father.
Chen Ming told the truth about getting along between brothers and sisters: If parents do not establish a fair rule, then it is difficult for children to get along well with each other.
Many parents of the second child always think that the eldest should let the second child, for the same reason as Cui's father.
I just want to say: "If the arrival of the second elder is to make the boss tolerate it, which old general assembly likes the second elder?" ”
Some people say that the discord between brothers and sisters is mostly due to the preference of parents and unfairness.
Injustice is not only in the distribution of goods, but also in the recognition of faces and hearts, and likes and dislikes are the greatest injustices.
If you really can't do a bowl of water, fair and just treatment of two children, I advise those parents who want to have a second child to be cautious and cautious, after all, the child's heart is sad and it is difficult to heal.
Many parents do not know that parental unfairness is a cancer in the child's psychology, and every time they think of it, they will snort themselves and remind themselves that they are not worthy of the love of their parents.
The eldest and second are not important, eccentricity is the most terrible
Is it that in all the families with two children, the eldest is wronged by the second child?
The truth is not true, my girlfriend's youngest son is naturally a child who feels aggrieved.
Ran Ran just went to kindergarten, his brother was three years older than him, he wore his brother's old clothes since he was a child, since last year, he asked his mother for new clothes to wear, asked his mother: "Why does my brother have new clothes to wear, but I don't?" ”
The girlfriend is very angry, thinking that they are all some noisy relatives in the family, and the brother wears small clothes to give Ranran the right fit!
The girlfriend said to Ranran: "You are still young, and when you grow up, your mother will buy you new clothes." ”
However, he asked his mother, "Why didn't my brother wear old clothes when he was a child?" ”
A sentence choked the girlfriend dumb, she was shocked to realize that she was really ashamed of ran, always thought that the child was small and did not understand things, in fact, the child's heart was the same as The Mirror.
Every time his brother bullied him, he immediately cried and made a fuss, and his girlfriend's temper came up, thinking that it was too normal for children to fight each other, and feeling that ran was too ignorant.
In fact, this is just to express my dissatisfaction with the unfair treatment of my parents, why every year my brother has new clothes, I have to wear old clothes.
I'm the second oldest, should I not be taken seriously?
Parents themselves are unfair and do not allow their children to give advice.
Parents are eccentric at every turn and blame their children for not understanding things.
Only the governors were allowed to set fires, and the people were not allowed to light lamps.
The second eldest deshan in the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988" is also a child who is not valued by his parents, and even for his birthday, he pulled out two of them after his sister blew out the birthday candles and then let Deshan blow a perfunctory thing.
The long-term neglect made Deshan feel very uncomfortable, and finally he couldn't help but cry and ask his parents: "Why is this to me?" Am I a bully? Am I someone who can be treated casually and doesn't care? ”
Why do parents always "bully" their more sensible children?
Is it true that crying children have milk to eat?
In fact, parents just think it is convenient.
In a word, it is not a big deal to make both children quiet, and let the eldest or second child suffer some losses; One look, you can let the two children obediently eat, secretly give the eldest or the second benefit is not a big deal; Once perfunctory, you can make the child obedient, and the next time you continue to be perfunctory.
Parents are unfair to their children because of laziness. Too lazy to communicate with the child, too lazy to understand the child's true thoughts.
Parents do not have a sense of fairness, and children are not only sad, but also the three views will be tilted.
André Moroa said in The Five Problems of Life:
What is a happy childhood? It is the parents who have no gap between them, who love their children tenderly while maintaining strong discipline and an equal attitude among children.
In fact, it is what we often call fairness.
I am a victim of a second child and I don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past
In the past few years since the two-child policy was opened, people around me have joined the army of having two children, and even my sister and brother's family have given birth to two children, and my mother often asks me when I will have a second child.
But only I know in my heart how much I reject the fact that I have a second child, because I have not been treated fairly by my parents, which makes me full of fear of having a second child.
I remember when I was a child, the delicious things were all my brother's, the fun things were all my sister's, I only had to stand on the side and envy, God knows how uncomfortable my heart was at that time, and now I think about it and feel sorry for myself.
My parents' long-term unfair treatment made me very aggressive, but when I found out what my sister and brother were eating or playing, the first thing I did was to go up and grab it, and I had to take it for myself to be at ease.
But my parents scolded me for being grumpy and saying that I was too fond of taking advantage.
In fact, I know in my heart that if I don't fight for myself a little, then I really can't get anything.
When I finally struggled to grow up, got married and had a son, I swore that I would give him all my love alone, and I would not let the wounds I had suffered repeat.
Some of the friends around me who are determined not to have a second child are the eldest who has been asked by their parents to let their younger siblings, and some are the second eldest who is not as good as his sister and has not achieved as good grades as his sister.
When it comes to the hurt caused by the eccentricity of parents, everyone can pour out a basket of bitter water, they all say that they can't treat two children fairly, and they don't want one of them to be hurt, so it is better to be good to one child wholeheartedly.
The Indian philosopher Krishnamurti said that when parents love their children, they don't compare him to other children.
Every child is a little angel, they come to a family, they should get all the love of their parents, whether he is the eldest or the second eldest, no reason is an excuse for them not to be loved by their parents.
Only parents can treat their two children fairly and give them unbiased love, and when they become parents, they will know how to love their children more, so that the love passed down from generation to generation will be long-lasting.
Otherwise, they may be like me, who don't want or dare to have a second child.
A good two-child family is where two children respect each other
Now there are more and more second-child families, and correspondingly, the contradictions between the two children are also more, and the actor Hu Ke often posts on Weibo that his two sons Anji and Xiaoyu'er have a loving daily life.
But they still inevitably fight, some netizens have filmed the brothers fighting at the airport, and finally the little fish was carried by the brother with his ears to his mother.
Hu Ke should have been accustomed to such a scene, and did not reprimand them, the brothers played together again after a while, Hu Ke is a good mother who really knows how to raise two children.
In fact, children have feelings for their brothers and sisters, and it is only because of the unfair treatment of many parents that the feelings between children are indifferent, which affects the relationship with their parents.
It is not a good thing to let two children get along equally and for parents to be "hand-throwing treasurers".
A few days ago, there was data predicting that the birth population of the country in 2018 will reach a new low, indicating that everyone's fertility willingness is continuing to decline, and raising two children is not only to calculate the economic account, but also to worry about the need to spend more energy.
Raising a child, all parents will be wholeheartedly good to this child, but after raising two children, not all parents can be good to these two children.
The one who is loved has no fear, and the one who is hurt weeps alone, making a lot of noise every day.
Someone once said affectionately that having a second child is not because she has money, nor because she must have a boy or a girl, but because she is left with a relative.
In this world, there is a kind of love, there is a kind of companionship, called brotherhood.
You know, only if parents can really treat two children fairly, siblings will really be brothers and sisters.
About the author: A corner of the sea of hearts, columnist of Rich Books, author of the Main Creative Group of Parents Intensive Reading, researcher of child psychology, with a heart of love for life, handwriting insight into human nature. This article was first published by parents intensive reading (ID: bmnfrc), the real education is to spell daddy spelling mom, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Life", copyright belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated