Author: Ray Xiansen (Fushu Contracted Author)
The so-called growth is a process of constantly accepting loss and parting
Some time ago, in the "Strange Story" program, a topic discussed was:
"If my parents want to remarry someone I don't like, should I stand in the way?"
Among them, Xiao Xiao, a debater, told the story of his childhood.
When he was 12 years old, Xiao Xiao's mother brought an uncle from outside, Xiao Xiao did not like it very much, so he began a series of obstructions, throwing faces, tantrums, various tosses and even patting the door in the middle of the night so that his mother could not rest.
A 12-year-old child, instinctively relying on his own small resistance to try to construct what his parents should be, instinctively relying on his own emotions to try to reverse the changes that have begun, there is no doubt that he is afraid of losing, but he later regretted that his mother gave up marrying the uncle.
Until today, when she was 28 years old, Xiao Xiao knew that her mother was not easy at that time, and she had to start to constantly compromise to fight for life, and she also had to endure her son's incomprehension.
At the end of the story, Chen Ming said:
Remarriage is sometimes a life-based choice for an adult. If you really love mom, you'll get an answer in your heart: don't obstruct. Think a little more for your parents, and be more considerate of one step.
As you get older, you will find that many people around you begin to find themselves becoming gentle and casual, less willing to argue and justify, and do not want to do unnecessary struggle and retention.
Just like you can't stop the accident from saying goodbye, the only thing you can do is to understand the difficulty of others and fulfill your own greatness.
The real goodbye always comes quietly
Sometimes, the biggest joke in life is that the person you think has been well all along suddenly disappears one day.
It should be noted that the real parting often comes quietly.
In the year of my grandmother's death, I was in the first month of my college internship, and after receiving a call from my mother, I hurriedly packed my bags and returned to my hometown with my father for a night of mourning.
The late autumn wind in my hometown whimpered and cried, and the loneliness of the countryside on the outskirts of the village was even more desolate. When I arrived at my grandmother's house, I walked to her bedside and saw that she slept peacefully, no different from when she was alive.
I was extremely sad in my heart, but I could not cry in my eyes, but in my mind was all the good she had treated me, cooking for me, and reading books with me.
When I went to college and went back to visit her, she smiled at me and said, "You look like you are full of heaven and earth, and you will have official luck in the future." ”
On the day of Grandma's funeral, when the funeral relatives and friends lifted her coffin to the cemetery outside the village, I thought about whether Grandma would be cold when she slept here at night, and then finally understood that Grandma was really gone.
The grandmother who had been thinking of me for twenty-two years was finally gone, and the parting of that moment seemed to be deeply robbed of the root of memory by the hand of time, so that people did not dare to think again, nor did they dare to look back.
One day after my grandmother's death, my mother said a sentence to me that I still remember, she said: "From now on, I have no mother, I am a child without a mother." ”
Sometimes, the biggest misunderstanding of time is that we always think that what will not happen, the uncle next door that we saw yesterday, the street stalls we ate last time, and even the friends we have seen on weekdays, always inadvertently disappear without a trace and information.
As Ma Sichun said, "In this world, the highest kung fu is time." ”
Liang Shiqiu said:
When people reach middle age, there are two things that we have to pay attention to: One is "frequently heard of the death of the deceased", obituary continues to come, some impatient friends have taken a step ahead; One is "in front of you but see more teenagers", suddenly feel a large number of young men, little girls appear in front of the eyes, before I did not know where to hide, now together in front of your eyes shaking, prostrating their heads and bumping their heads are full of characters striding with spring breezes, all like going to eat happy wine. One by one, his partners have been stung and the world has been handed over to the young people.
Life does not meet, moving like a participatory businessman.
Visit the old half for the ghost, exclamation of hot midgut.
Maybe really wait until one day, a person who is particularly familiar in the memory, suddenly not often contacted, please don't worry and don't panic.
Please believe that this may be the arrangement of time, and please be prepared for parting, ready for the reunion after a long absence, for you and me and for everyone.
Constant loss is the norm of life, and calmly facing it is your greatest confidence
Constant loss and farewell is the biggest feeling that Yu Hua's novel "Alive" gives me.
Fugui was originally a young master of the landlord between the rich and the noble, and married Jiazhen, the daughter of the rice shop owner, but because of his gambling addiction, he lost the family business, and his father was killed alive.
In the process of seeking medical treatment for his sick mother, he was captured by the Kuomintang and sent home by the People's Liberation Army.
When he got home, he found that his mother had passed away, and his wife Zhen han Had worked hard to bring up a pair of children, but his daughter Fengxia unfortunately became dumb.
It was supposed to be a family reunion, and who knew that human tragedy began with constant parting.
Son Youqing died in the hospital because of excessive blood drawn; Daughter Fengxia died on the operating table due to heavy bleeding during childbirth; Three months after Feng Xia's death, Jia Zhen also went one after another; Son-in-law Erxi was killed by two rows of cement slabs while working; Only the grandson bitterroot, who can rely on each other, is unexpectedly killed by eating beans.
At this point, Fugui's relatives were all gone, only the old cow that had been bought back by Fugui when he was dying, and spent the rest of his life with him in the field.
Russell said, "It is necessary to know that variability is the source of happiness." ”
Perhaps constant loss and farewell, at some point is the normal state of life, in the face of such a huge loss and change, all we can do is to calmly face the rest of our lives, in the next few days only to live well.
"Alive" concludes by writing:
Today, Qing and Erxi cultivated one acre, Jiazhen and Fengxia also cultivated seven or eight fields, and the bitterroots were still small and cultivated for half an acre. Well, I won't say how much you have cultivated, and when you say it, you will feel that I am trying to shame you. Then again, you are old enough to be able to cultivate such fields with all your heart.
Fugui finally lived in hope, just when the dead people are still there, they are around and never leave, and people who die and live in the hearts of others still exist.
There are gains and losses in life, there are gatherings and dispersions, and it is this alternation of gains and losses, gathering and dispersing that makes our lives rich and full.
Whose life is not one side of the hand, but also lose.
The deceased cannot be traced, and it is still expected, since the continuous loss of this is the normal state of life, it is better to let go of the mustard in your heart and calmly face the confidence of cultivating for a lifetime.
The one who needs to say goodbye the most is the self who has never lived seriously
It's a world of pops to leave, but neither of us is good at saying goodbye.
Someone said:
We have reached a lost age. Favorite idols get married and start families, idolized stars retire, familiar media people die, and people who once envisioned them have withdrawn from the stage little by little, replaced by increasingly unfamiliar names. The glory and splendor of the past are swept away by new currents, lost in the past, and time takes away not only them, but also their own memories and impulses.
The familiar people after the 90s are leaving one by one, just like the handover ceremony, they hand the world to us.
And a lot of times, we're not ready.
I have to say that we are facing the passing of an era, and such a passing away makes us constantly learn to say goodbye in a hurry.
Just after the arrival of November, there were many prayers and blessings in the circle of friends " Please be nice to me in November " , and the most impressive thing to me was the words written by a friend, she said:
In the blink of an eye, it was the tail end of the year, and the ambitious plan made at the beginning of the year had no results in a day and day, and the only thing that could persist was to brush the mobile phone all the time. Maybe I should say goodbye not to October, but to myself who has never lived seriously.
How many people, in the passage of time, began to wake up to the youth and no longer regret it, how many people began to look forward to a beautiful self in front of the chicken feathers of life.
When participating in the audition for "Children of Tomorrow", Mao Buyi once sang an original song "If one day, I become rich".
If one day I become rich, I will do everything I can to turn back the clock, not to contribute to the human ideal, but just to say to her I am sorry.
He wrote in the lyrics, and this she in the lyrics was his deceased mother.
During the course of his internship, he saw hundreds of people die in front of him, but the first person to die in front of him was his mother.
What makes him most regretful is that at the moment when his mother left, he has never been able to become a "successful person", his studies are not good, he may not get a diploma, and he has not yet started a family.
Later, he began to write songs while working, writing his regrets and stories in songs and singing them to everyone.
And his singing voice has also inspired many people, and in his song he has waved goodbye to his former inferior and weak self.
Perhaps, starting to live a new self again, leaving no regrets to let go of the past, is to say goodbye to the most decent thing that was once.
One day when I returned to Wuhan from Shenzhen, I unexpectedly saw a college classmate I hadn't seen for many years, who was neither active nor talkative in college, and was hiding in her bedroom playing on the computer every day after class.
In her words: "It is completely like a transparent human being." ”
But now she is completely like a changed person, began to learn to bake and make pastries, began to participate in marathons across the country, began to learn new skills to constantly change her life, and all these changes came from a change she encountered.
A few years ago, her mother was seriously ill with cancer and was too weak to speak at the worst, and her only concern was that she had not graduated and started a family, and she could not even take care of herself.
At that moment, she saw that her mother was so tormented by the disease and worried about herself, and secretly decided that she must live well and let her no longer worry about herself.
The Japanese writer Kazuo Ishiguro wrote in The Ukiyo Painter:
When I look back on my life as I get older and see that I have devoted my life to capturing the unique beauty of that world, I am sure I will be satisfied. No one can convince me that I have wasted my time.
Saying goodbye to the former wandering self and living the present life no longer becomes a burden on others is the best respect for the rest of your life.
When we were young, who did not have the ambition of "dreaming of fighting swords to go to the end of the world", but when we grew up to an age when we had to learn to say goodbye, we found that the rivers and lakes not only had to meet and hate late, but also had long mountains and long roads.
We are all on this road, growing into an ordinary person who works hard, and fulfills his not-so-heroic dreams in tea rice oil and salt.
We learn to accept the cruelty of the world, and we also learn to accept our own imperfections.
We begin to accept the impermanence of life, and we understand the meaning of living.
Perhaps, this is the best lesson that farewell brings us.
About the author: Ray Xiansen, Fushu signed author, gossip workplace rules, rambling life stories, growing up with you, Weibo @ Fushu. This article was first published by Franklin Reading Club (id: franklinreadingclub), Million New Middle Class Life Cognition College, copyright is owned by Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated