Today is the third recommendation of our "Parents Best" annual awards report, and we interviewed Hunan TV host Zhang Dandan.
Is the child important, or is it important to yourself? This is the question that lies before every mom.
So enthusiastically throw yourself into a career you love, pull out, and raise two children.
As a TV person, Zhang Dandan has had entanglements, panics, and many moments of helplessness, anger and anxiety.
She said that once at 4 a.m. in the winter, holding her brother who was just 4 months old in her arms, a person broke down helplessly and cried.
Every mom has a particularly helpless moment, and every mom is constantly looking for a way,
Being a mother always has power, and when a thousand questions are placed in front of you, you can see the strength of a mother.
Just like the name of Zhang Dandan's new book "Mother Always Has a Way"!
I didn't become a mom at the right age, because I loved my profession immensely, whether it was as a host, or later as a general director and producer to talk to the world, my way of thinking about problems, the standards of doing things and the requirements of myself were deeply branded by the industry: depth, efficiency, and challenge everything.
TV people are never bound by age, always learning and accepting the freshest things, the most trendy ideas, and always contributing to the youngest self. It may start out of the need for work, but over time it will slowly resonate with the state of this work, which will make you forget your age.
I didn't become a mother so early, and I panicked.
My husband has a cousin is very excellent, graduated from a famous university civil engineering department, into the workplace after the performance is also very amazing, is the pride of the whole family, but there was a family gathering, I was surprised to find that this cousin from the workplace elite, completely changed into an old mother, he took the child to every detail, care for the whole, the child to drink water, just need to hand over a look, he immediately sent the water cup up; where the child goes, she follows where, the first time to provide a full range of services, her world seems to be left with only children.
Seeing my cousin's change, I was controlled by a huge panic at that time, and that deprivation of myself made me instinctively afraid, and my husband also saw these scenes, and we exchanged a look with each other, and neither of us spoke, but he read me, and I understood him, and we don't want to do that parents.
On the one hand, the industry we are in brings us so many opportunities, can let us see the world so wonderful, let us get so great sense of achievement; on the other hand, parents should be so specific, so selfless, so sacrificial, so small, we do not want to lose ourselves because of children.
Until 2011, fate made a choice for me, Hunan Satellite TV made a large-scale adjustment, my program was suspended, I could finally stop and take a break, my husband and I both felt that it was time to have a child, so when I was 36 years old, the eldest daughter was born, and 5 years later I had my second child.
Half a month before the birth of the eldest, I only began to rest, I began to browse all kinds of parenting information on the Internet, parenting knowledge, just two weeks, I frantically bought a box of parenting books, after a large number of intensive reading, I felt that I was fully prepared in the parenting concept of parenting ability, I was even a little proud, I felt that it was unlikely that there would be a mother who did so much homework like me.
In 2014, my daughter was two years old and I was working on a new show. The new format of the show means that there is no pattern and experience to follow, and any little uncontrollable link can lead to global failure, so during the period of doing this project, I was in a state of high tension.
I thought I could handle this kind of pressure, I thought I had found a lot of ways to balance work and parenting, didn't bring the pressure of this work to the family to my children, I thought I was doing well enough, until one of the big sisters of the show met my daughter, I didn't know I was wrong, she said: "Dandan, you have to pay attention, your children don't like to laugh." ”
I realized that as a mom, I couldn't do enough!
I decided to completely change my parenting style from the action, from now on to examine my words and deeds, on the one hand, to be more gentle with the child, "breathe with the rhythm of the child", on the other hand, to do a good job of time management, balance the workplace and family.
In my opinion, the essence of balancing the workplace and family is not to squeeze the time spent with children, but to maximize the oppression of yourself.
In the 5 years from the birth of the eldest to the second born, I woke up at 4 o'clock every morning and couldn't sleep, so I used this time to work and eat breakfast with my children until about 6:30, so that I could work two and a half hours more every day than others. Of course, the premise is to go to bed at 11:30 p.m.
Chinese mothers are a very stressed group, and the social evaluation system has very high requirements for them, but at the same time, it does not give this group enough care and guidance.
I also have very anxious times, there was a time because of frequent business trips, tired to hear a little sound to run away, in the face of the child is obviously very impatient, speaking very loudly to the eldest daughter, as a result, once, I heard the eldest daughter talking to her brother the tone, tone, oh my God, isn't this the tone of my speech to her? This knocked me awake, and I knew I had to brake in time and make adjustments.
I especially thank my husband who gave me a lot of support. Every time he saw that I wasn't in the right shape, he would say to me, "You go to the hotel to open a room and have a good rest, and we'll take care of the children." ”
Therefore, I also recommend that mothers must take care of themselves as a priority. If you are tired, the mothers will sleep well, the energy will be restored, and they will find that many of the problems that are originally headaches are not problems. If you are in a bad mood, go to a movie, go shopping to buy a beautiful dress, call your girlfriend, even if you give yourself a period of relaxation and daze, only the mother's state is right, the child's state will be right.
For working mothers, no matter how much they are forced to be efficient, they only have 24 hours a day. On the road to parenting, no matter how well prepared you are, how strong your heart is, how rich your education is, you will always encounter all kinds of new problems, and in addition to work, mothers have to deal with not only the big and small affairs of their own small family, but also filial piety to their parents and in-laws, and maintain the emotional connection between relatives and friends in the two families. Even if you grow three heads and six arms, there is no way to deal with everything alone.
Therefore, we need to build a support system of our own, when there is not enough time, energy, and methods, start your support system, let yourself slow down, relax a little, do not keep running at high intensity and overload, otherwise you will only become a lonely angry person.
My husband is a very mature and very responsible father, but before the child is one year old he basically can't do anything, the child is different after the age of one, he will call the father, this is a signal to the father, tell him that you have another identity, you need to interact with the child, from this stage the father's participation will be higher and higher, the child is a little older, the father can play with the child, read books together, especially 3 to 4 years old, when the child begins to establish values, the father must participate.
Another important component of the support system is the grandparents in the family. When getting along with them, we must adhere to one principle: 80 points win, 80 points is a perfect score. Don't nitpick, and don't expect the elderly to agree exactly with your point of view. Your respect for the elderly actually sets a good example for children.
There is also a part of the system is the aunt at home, when choosing an aunt, you must not be on the line, do not feel that it is almost on the line, in the issue of the principle concept of young children, we must ensure that the aunt can communicate. It is not easy for my aunt to leave my family and my own children, so I treat my aunt as a member of the family, treat her equally, respect her from the bottom of my heart, and later I also paid her to go to a parenting training class to recharge her batteries, so that my aunt can work with peace of mind and even grow up together.
All in all, only by maintaining a comprehensive and healthy understanding will mothers take good care of themselves, and it is possible to put themselves in a relaxed state, so as to make the matter of parenting easy and smooth. Parenting will definitely encounter all kinds of problems, learn to solve problems, become a mother with a way, I can, you too.
The above content is excerpted from Zhang Dandan's new book "Mother Always Has a Way" published by Hunan Education Publishing House, and the pictures and content have been authorized by Zhang Dandan
Zhang Dandan's new book "Mother always has a way"
The inner monologue of an older mother, a history of the spiritual growth of a mother, the most relevant theme of the 9 world mothers, and the solution to 48 core problems of high-frequency early education.
Parenting is a future-oriented exam, and all issues are new to parents.
On December 27th, "2019 Parenting to the Future "Parents Best" Annual Awards", Zhang Dandan, as the best ted speaker, will share the topic "Mom, is a mirror to illuminate the future of children", mothers continue to grow, illuminate the future of children!
There are other experts, celebrities, and kols that you are most familiar with, let's get to know and discuss the future of parenting, and help The new generation of Chinese parents and families raise the next generation in a smarter and more interesting way.
Other topics for this talk include:
1. How should fathers improve their children's soft abilities in the future? 2. Who will our children be in 10 years? 3. How does exercise make your child open and hang in the future? 4. In the future education, how to let children return to the essence of art? 5. In the era of artificial intelligence, is memory still so important? 6. How to cultivate children's creativity in popular occupations under future technology?
Multiple hot topics to solve your confusion and troubles in the parenting process
Hurry up and listen to the lecture on the spot, get exclusive parenting to share it~