Dreams under the pressure of inner curls: a belated farewell

Text/Zhang Qi

A small sob came from the consultation room: "Recently, the tear point is particularly low, and I can't help but want to cry." In front of me was a 24-year-old girl, dressed in a professional suit, who seemed to have just arrived from work. Her name is Xiao Kui, after graduation came to the city to work hard, with the impact of the epidemic and the increasing "inner volume" of the workplace, Xiao Kui felt overwhelmed. The "inner volume" is considered to be a senseless vicious competition for limited resources. After months of continuous overtime, she suddenly became crying, and could cry at any time: when she rushed to the subway early in the morning, when she came home late at night exhausted, even when she ate and watched the news. According to the doctor's judgment, Xiao Aoi suffered from moderate depression.

"There is a sea in my eyes, and the slightest bowing of my head will shed tears. I used to think that this sentence was very pretentious, until I myself began to cry. The taste of tears was salty, so she naturally associated herself with the ocean. But the broad concept of "ocean" shows that there is a huge sadness lurking in her heart. Since work pressure is the fuse, where does this great sadness come from?

Photos stored in the subconscious

Toward the end of the consultation, she suddenly mentioned a dream she had. "I can clearly remember the feeling of hugging her."

The "she" that Aoi calls "her" is a friend's grandmother, but interestingly, the two have never met. When I asked why she dreamed of someone she had never met, she couldn't say why, but a long time ago, she accidentally saw a friend post a picture of his grandmother in the circle of friends. Perhaps the picture was recorded as a representation, and when she fell asleep, she took advantage of the brain's rest, and the memory stored by the subconscious mind reappeared in her dream. As the saying goes, "Think about it by day, dream by night." "Although the things and scenes in the dream are mostly imaginary, there are still shadows of reality. So what effect did this dream have on her mood?

Hidden under the spiral staircase is another world

When we met for the second time, she described the scene in detail: "We went down a spiral staircase with a hole at the bottom, and inside the cave was a new world, and among the flowers and trees stood a large, cozy house. At this time, an old man with kind eyebrows and good intentions came over, and although they had never met, I recognized her at a glance as my friend's grandmother... I chatted with the old man for a long time and felt the old man's thoughts about his grandson... When we were ready to leave, we all cried. I could clearly feel the tears blurring my eyes, the snot running down my mouth to my chin... I distinctly remember the last words the old man had said to me. "She said, 'Please tell my grandson, Grandma misses him very much, don't make yourself too tired, Grandma doesn't need her grandchildren to do much, how famous they are, just need to be happy...' After saying this, I was pulled back to reality by a huge force. ”

Later, Xiao Aoi contacted her friend to inquire about the old man's recent situation, and followed the instructions in the dream, conveying her thoughts to her friends, hoping that he could go back to his hometown to see. A friend said: "Work is too busy, where is the time." She was frustrated and even a little angry with her friend's disapproval.

Symbolic meaning in dreams

After Aoi left, I kept thinking about what the cave entrance and the house in the basement represented. Until one day, I accompanied my daughter to see the recently popular cartoon "Doraemon: Walk with Me 2", and when he grew up, Nobita missed his grandmother who had passed away, so he went back to the past through a time machine, through a round hole, back to the big house where his grandmother once lived. Seeing this, I suddenly realized that the opening of the hole that Xiao Aoi said may be the meaning of going back to the past.

In an instant, it became a farewell

During the third consultation, I talked to Xiao Aoi about her opinion, and she was stunned, as if caught in a memory, hiding her face and crying. It turned out that Aoi had lived with her grandmother since she was a child and spent a happy childhood. But later, grandma suffered from Alzheimer's disease, became unknown to Xiao Aoi, and often caused various troubles for her family. Aoi is young and ignorant, and sometimes speaks ill of her grandmother. Once, grandma stood alone in front of the window, and Xiao Aoi glanced indifferently, then picked up her school bag and hurried to school. Unexpectedly, this glimpse turned out to be a farewell. Years later, Xiao Aoi inadvertently flipped to the photo with her grandmother when she was a child, and couldn't help but cry. She suddenly understood that she had been living in pain and guilt for so many years, and hid her thoughts silently in her heart, and she did not dare to say it, because she regretted it, regretted her ignorance, regretted why she did not care more about her when her grandmother was alive, tolerated her, and forstood her. At that moment, she took the picture, how much she wanted to go back to that time, she would stop her hurried steps, go up and give Grandma a deep hug.

Write the ending of the dream and complete the farewell ceremony

We're not Doraemon, we can't go back in time without a time machine. Life is a river that runs to the sea, and we cannot turn back.

Freud saw dreams as a shortcut to the subconscious, and he pointed out in The Interpretation of Dreams that dreams are the fulfillment of wishes. In the dream, Aoi follows the spiral staircase to the depths of her heart. The entrance to the cave is the bridge between life and death, and the basement is the world of the deceased. Aoi not only saw her grandmother again through her dreams, but also said her heart through the old man's words: "Don't make yourself too tired, just need to be happy..." Death is not a terrible thing, it is like living, it is a part of life. It is death that sets off the preciousness of life, just as darkness sets off light.

I decided to use the "Simple Fast Mind-Body Positive Therapy" shared by Teacher Li Zhongying to guide Xiao Kui, which is very suitable for people like her who are emotionally full and susceptible to suggestion. "Now, imagine going back to that dream again and continuing this unfinished dream." She closed her eyes quietly. "Now, please hug your grandmother and say to her: Grandma, I have remembered everything you said, thank you for giving me a happy childhood. Now that I'm older, I miss you so much. I know that on the long road of life, I may experience setbacks and failures, but the strength, love and support you have given me have given me the courage to explore the world. I will take care of myself, thank you, I love you. When she opened her eyes, Aoi was already in tears.

A late farewell

A week later, she sent me a photo of her holding a bunch of blue hyacinths in her hand and finally showing a long-lost smile. Hyacinth's flower language is forever missed, and I understand that she has finally completed a belated farewell. Xiao Aoi said that she had taken a leave of absence from the company and was ready to go back to her hometown to visit her parents who had not been seen for a long time, and then go to her grandmother's grave and tell her that she was all right now.