Author | Xiaoting is half clear
Source | Corner of Time (ID: xiaotingbanqing)
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Children
Interpret the trailer
Meet · Meet your unknown self in the book.
Good evening to all book lovers, welcome to the reading column "Encounter" produced by Fan Deng Reading.
Life is bittersweet, joy and sorrow follow, and pain and hope follow.
However, despite the long years, it is still worth looking forward to.
Today, I would like to share with you the 90-year-old psychologist Hengzi Grandma's life philosophy book - "Human Worth".
When you feel like you can't hold on, read this book.
There is a saying on the Internet that goes like this:
Many people spend their whole lives trying to live like ordinary people.
When we were young, we were always proud and proud, thinking that when we grew up, we must be extraordinary, we must be outstanding.
But when I entered the society, I found that I was just one of all sentient beings.
Doing work that is not plague or fire, with big and ethereal dreams.
Running around every month to support their families, to take care of their children's physical and mental exhaustion, this is the current situation of many people.
However, even ordinary people have extraordinary dreams; even ordinary people have special joys in ordinary life.
In Japan, there is such a "treasure grandmother" Nakamura Hengzi, who is a psychologist and is more than 90 years old.
She condensed her more than 70 years of experience in the industry into a book "Worth it in the world".
She tells us with her ordinary and profound philosophy of life:
No matter what tribulations life gives us, the world is worth a visit.
01
Instead of changing others, change yourself
When Nakamura was young, her marriage was on the verge of divorce.
The reason is that the husband likes to drink, and it is useless to persuade him.
As long as Nakamura Tsuniko mentions his drinking, the two will inevitably have a big fight.
Later, she figured it out, everyone has their own hobbies, it is difficult for her to change each other, it is better to accept it calmly.
Since then, in the face of her husband who has returned from a drunken drink, she no longer complains and argues, but instead hands the other party a cup of decanting tea.
Their relationship grew closer, they never mentioned divorce again, and after a long time, the husband woke up on his own and decided to quit drinking.
As we say, the country is easy to change, but the nature is difficult to move.
Instead of spending time to change others, it is better to change your own mentality.
02
Pain and sadness are innate
When people are alive, they will certainly experience suffering
Yang Dai once said:
There is no absolute happiness in the world, and happiness is always mixed with troubles.
Pain and sadness are all things we have to face, and no carefree person can have no worries at all.
With a normal mind, tribulations and ups and downs are just tools to help us grow.
If you can survive those difficult days, you will find that you have long been reborn and become a new person.
03
Most of human suffering stems from comparison
Comparison is the root of a person's suffering.
When you have saved enough for a down payment and have your own lamp in the lights of thousands of homes, you feel that your little home is warm and lovely.
But you find that your classmates have bought a set of large flats, and if you blindly compare at this time, the joy of having a new home will become lost and frustrated.
Cherish what you have, don't compare, everyone's origin is different, experience is different, the background is different, blind comparison can only make themselves more anxious.
04
Good interpersonal relationships are to have a "sense of distance"
We all know that distance produces beauty.
However, when we face our relatives and friends, we will lose our sense of proportion and boundary.
I want to point fingers at everything, which seems to be enthusiastic, but in fact, the sense of boundaries is too weak.
Every adult has his own unspeakable suffering, and sometimes he does not need outsiders to know.
Every adult wishes to be independent and do what he wants to do.
At this time, even if it is a relative and friend, once it is overly involved, it can only make the other party feel embarrassed.
05
Lower expectations and learn to find happiness in the subtleties
Why are people disappointed?
It's because expectations of others are too high.
Whether it's a couple or a friend or a couple, we always expect to get what we want from each other.
Maybe we ourselves don't realize that too much anticipation and taking is an unhealthy intimate relationship.
Sometimes, trying to change expectations to gratitude and taking to giving may lead to unexpected results.
06
The secret of a happy family is love, not manipulation
We all know that a home is made of love, and home is a gentle harbor.
However, in a family, parents often want to control their children, rather than give love and freedom.
For a child, the good times are just a few years, and if he remembers his childhood as an adult, it is all the coercion and manipulation of his parents, what a sad thing.
If you want a family to be happy forever, you need more love and less control.
07
Without health, everything is zero
When you're healthy, you don't even feel the presence of your body.
What we tend to overlook the most is our bodies.
You have to wait until you lie in a hospital bed to have an epiphany that the most important thing is health.
Without health, there is no point in making more money, without health, everything is zero.
From now on, pay more attention to your body, eat healthy food, exercise more, and stay up less late.
Health is the capital we bravely move forward.
08
Follow your own heart, do not blindly follow, do not pursue
At a certain age, we will find that what we are looking for is only a strong heart.
Do not be impatient when encountering problems, dare to deal with hardships, and can still maintain a normal heart in the face of big ups and downs.
But those who can reach this level are, after all, a minority.
In daily life, we must first learn to find ourselves, follow our own hearts, do not deliberately please, nor blindly pursue.
The path of success of others may not be suitable for you, just take the path you choose.
09
Life is not complicated, and it is enough to do what is in front of you
We have read too many philosophies of life, and there are many books and courses that teach us how to behave in the world.
In fact, when people live, they are not so complicated.
As the saying goes, the way the world looks depends on your gaze.
If you are simple, the world is simple; if you are complex, the world is cumbersome.
Everything depends on the state of mind in which you see the world.
The past things cannot be changed, we must learn to let go;
Future events, unpredictable, we need to be less fanciful;
Only today is truly yours.
Do what you have in front of you, cherish what you have in the moment, then you are the winner.
Life will not be smooth sailing, and life is destined to have twists and turns and bumps.
Click "In The See", may you still feel worthwhile after a thousand sails.
Author | Xiaoting is half clear
Source | Corner of Time (ID: xiaotingbanqing)
Column Director | Come slowly
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Hisaishi Jean "Castle in the Sky"