Author | Fan Deng Reading · Peach a few
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Polaris
There is a line in the movie "Chinese Partner":
"The biggest cheaters are actually ourselves, because we always want to change others and refuse to change ourselves."
In life, we often try to correct other people's views because we disagree;
Often because they are not accustomed to other people's behavior, they try to make others act according to their own ideas.
In the end, I found that the only one who can really change is actually myself.
A sign of a person's true maturity is knowing how to embrace differences and stop trying to change anyone.
Read a sentence:
"One of the hardest things in the world is to put your own thoughts into someone else's head."
The greatest pain in life is to expect others to change according to their own ideas.
In the book "It's Nice to Know You", author Meiya mentions her story:
When she first fell in love with her husband, she put a lot of expectations on her husband.
Meiya felt that her husband should change to a better job, make a lot of money, and bring her a good life.
She also hopes that her husband will study psychology like herself and pursue spiritual growth.
However, the husband felt pressure on this, and the dispute between the two gradually increased, and the result naturally did not go as she wished.
Later, Meiya gradually understood that her expectations for her husband came from the hope that he would help her realize her dreams and make her live more freely.
So she woke up, stopped pinning her hopes on her husband, and began to work hard for the things she loved.
Over time, their quarrels became less and their lives became happier.
The Japanese writer Grandma Hengzi wrote in the book:
"Don't try to be happy by changing others."
In life, there are many things that cannot be forced.
If you try to persuade, others may not act according to your ideas; if you try to change, others may not let you do what you want.
Everyone is different, whether it is life encounters, or personality hobbies, thousands of faces, each has its own advantages.
You have your preferences, he has his yearning.
All hopes pinned on others are shackles that make one suffer from gain and loss.
Mark Levy writes in The Man Who Stole the Shadow:
"You can't interfere in someone else's life, even if it's for the good of the other person, this is his life."
Between people, no matter how close the relationship is, we must also learn to keep a distance.
Always wanting to put your own hand into other people's lives is a disaster.
Self-media author @ Zhou Bingbing once told such a story.
His cousin bought a house with his wife last year and invited his parents-in-law to come and live for a while, but unexpectedly, his life was completely chaotic.
My cousin works overtime almost every day and doesn't sleep enough, so he loves to sleep lazily on weekends.
As a result, the father-in-law, on the grounds that young people must strengthen their exercise, called him up at 6 o'clock in the morning every weekend and let him go out for a morning run with him.
As a result, my cousin's sleep was severely insufficient, and his mental state deteriorated.
To relieve the pressure, he began to smoke, but his father-in-law refused to let him smoke.
For this reason, he often rummaged through his bag and threw it away if he found smoke.
What's even more embarrassing is that he recently finished his driver's license and bought a new car.
Every time he practiced, his father-in-law would follow, saying that he was experienced and wanted to give him guidance.
During a reversing, the father-in-law had to ask his cousin to follow his instructions to reverse.
As a result, I accidentally rubbed into the car next to me, not only lost money, but also had flaws in my car.
Trying hard to persuade others and force others to conform to themselves is not only thankless, but also leads to discomfort on both sides, and even a breakdown of the relationship.
The best relationship is to know how to respect differences and to be different.
The literary master Lin Yutang and his wife Liao Cuifeng are an enviable pair of immortal couples.
However, their living habits are very different.
Lin Yutang does not trim the edges, but Liao Cuifeng is very particular about life;
Lin Yutang is always sloppy and does not like to dress up when he goes out; Liao Cuifeng must be dressed neatly to go out.
Lin Yutang likes to read and write, and his schedule is uncertain, and he often works until late to sleep;
Liao Cuifeng is a Christian, and she has a fixed schedule of work and rest, whether it is eating, sleeping, or praying.
Moreover, Lin Yutang likes to smoke, but his wife hates the smell of smoke.
In order not to affect his wife, and in order to let her sleep peacefully, Lin Yutang took the initiative to propose to sleep in separate rooms.
Liao Cuifeng knew her husband's hobbies and habits, and also expressed understanding and respect, and agreed to his proposal.
In the end, their feelings are not only not affected, but the more they love, the deeper they love.
As the saying goes:
"True love is not a shackle of love as an excuse."
Everyone has their own rhythm and never try to change a person.
The most valuable thing in feelings is to respect each other's habits and hobbies, understand each other's difficulties, and let each other live freely and comfortably.
In the face of difference, the smartest thing to do is to learn to accept the differences of others, understand the limitations of others, and let go of the obsession of changing others.
Only in this way can we get rid of the backfire and stop worrying about people and things that we can't ask for.
Someone said:
"Changing others is painful, and changing yourself is the beginning of happiness."
For things that you can't control, learn to let go of attachment and go with the flow.
When you spend that time transforming others and spending it on self-improvement, you will find that life also becomes colorful with your changes.
I read a story in the book.
Crowley was a salesman for a timber company.
He always pinpoints the mistakes of the wood inspectors and wins the argument every time.
However, the temperamental inspectors were dissatisfied with themselves, resulting in the work often not being carried out smoothly, causing great losses to the company.
He decided to change himself and stop lifting the bar.
One day, Crowley received a phone call from an anxious, angry customer complaining on the other end of the phone:
"The wood shipped by your company does not meet our specifications at all, so come and move the wood back now."
When Crowley arrived at the factory, he found the inspector sullen and unhappy, with a posture of waiting to raise the bar and quarrel.
He stepped forward to check and watched the other party unload the goods for a while, only to find that the other party had made a mistake in the inspection rules.
The wood was white pine, and the inspectors lacked the experience of white pine verification.
This time, Crowley did not question the examiner's ability, pointing out the mistakes of the other party.
Instead, they continued to watch and slowly began to ask each other why certain pieces of wood did not meet the standard.
He consulted the other party in a friendly tone, hoping that the other party would pick out the unsatisfactory parts.
Slowly, the attitude of the inspectors also eased, and the confrontation between the two sides gradually disappeared.
Always grumpy, he admitted that he had little experience in testing White Pine and asked Crowley about White Pine.
Crowley also patiently explained to the other party, and in the end, the other party accepted all the wood.
A few days later, Crowley received a check for the full amount.
There is a saying that goes well: "In this world, the one who listens to you and listens to your command the easiest is not others, but yourself." ”
When you think about it, it is.
Instead of blindly asking outward, it is better to calm down and explore inward.
Reduce the desire to control others, and you will have more self-concentration.
When you change your mindset, things in the world can be treated calmly;
When you change your behavior, the entanglements of the past also disappear.
After changing yourself, the people around you will become more pleasing to the eye, and the world will become softer.
Russell once said, "You must know that the variability of life is the source of happiness." ”
Life is alive, everyone is born different, no one will live according to the will of others.
Obsessing over changing others is ultimately futile.
The most transparent way for a person to live is not to waste time on things that he cannot control.
In the face of things that cannot be changed, learn to accept and tolerate; in the face of those who cannot be forced, know how to respect and understand.
For the rest of your life, accept all the differences, and do yourself well, the road ahead will be broader and more exciting.
Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.
Author | Peach, writing is not an embellishment of life, but life itself.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Transsexual protégé