The best state in marriage: not tired of being bored for a long time, not bored with small talk, not disorderly

Author | Fan Deng Reading · cacao

Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Anthony

Heard a quote:

"For marriage, our ideal state is not to fall in love, but to walk in love." 」

Marriage, in fact, is a practice that requires two people to find each other's most comfortable state in the ordinary and trivial daily life.

It doesn't need to be romantic every day, but it needs the comfort of being insincere for a long time.

It does not need to be expressed all the time, but it requires a tacit understanding that is not boring.

It doesn't need two people to be intimate, but it needs just the right amount of proportion.

There is no better state in a marriage than this.

There is a saying: "It is easy to see joy at first sight, but it is not easy to get tired of it for a long time." ”

In marriage, if you want to stay for a long time, the most important thing is to understand each other.

A few days ago, I watched "Thirteen Invitations" and was deeply moved by the love story of Peking University professor Qian Liqun and his wife Cui Kexin.

The couple has lived together for more than 40 years and still love each other, one of the reasons is that they know how to understand each other.

When he first got married, Qian Lao encountered the darkest moment in his life, and everyone avoided him and cut off contact with him.

Only Mrs. Cui Kexin understood his situation, never complained, and silently accompanied him.

It is easy to understand for a while, but it is difficult to understand for a lifetime.

In 2019, Ms. Cui Kexin suffered from cancer and her life entered the countdown, and she decided to compile the "Cui Kexin Memorial Anthology".

Such manuscripts are usually compiled after the death of the parties, and almost no one has made them before they die, let alone at the request of the parties themselves.

This decision seemed to others to be outrageous, but Elder Qian was extremely supportive.

He knew that his wife wanted to leave an independent Cui Kexin's existence, not a name like Lady Qian.

We often say, "A good marriage is half by love and the other half by management." ”

The so-called management is nothing more than understanding from the heart, understanding each other's hobbies, understanding each other's ideas, and supporting each other's actions.

Elder Qian understood the importance of independence to his wife, so he never interfered with any of her thoughts and actions.

Married for many years, he has always called Mrs. by her full name, not my wife, and has given her a complete self.

Blogger @Levi's Becca has a good saying:

"The happiest state of marriage may not be at the beginning of love, but at the long distance of marriage.

It was at the end of the wilderness, on the other side of the great river, at the exit of the cave.

Two completely different individuals who are willing to choose to love, walk together through a wilderness, swim through a big river, cross a cave, and hold and grind into one person, in order to enjoy the deepest feeling of unity. ”

Born as a human being, we all have their own nature, and it is only because of love that we know how to understand and give in, which has created a happy marriage.

Understanding is the communication of language and the exchange of hearts.

In the final analysis, the best state in marriage is to know how to empathize and understand each other.

A few days ago, there was a hot topic on Weibo: the desire to share is the romance in ordinary life.

One gaozan replied very warmly: "The desire to share is the beginning of a relationship, and it is also the bond between two people to stabilize love." ”

Indeed it is.

A good marriage is the willingness to share the little things in life with each other anytime, anywhere.

Not long ago, I saw a video of a young couple getting along, and I was deeply touched.

The wife came home from outside, and as soon as she entered the door, her husband asked her, "Have you eaten?" ”

The wife said excitedly: "I went to eat grilled fish today, and I ate the roasted pepper flavor, which was particularly delicious and special!" ”

While speaking, I also drew with my hands:

"I ate two large bowls of rice, and during the grilled fish, I also ate puffs, ate a vanilla flavor, and a chocolate flavor, and the shaved ice of the grilled fish shop was particularly delicious, and two grilled sausages, which I wanted to bring to you, but I couldn't help but eat them all..."

Listening to his wife's meticulous description, the husband listened with relish, laughed so much that he couldn't stop laughing, and did not forget to tease her: "You eat so much." ”

In the evening, hearing her husband say that he was hungry, the two people immediately ordered takeout, ate and began to chat again.

The husband suddenly asked: "You say that we talk so much every day, will there be no topic to talk about one day?" ”

The wife swore: "It is impossible, if there is no topic to talk about, just drink a little wine, we can continue to talk for a night." ”

The two people seem to be chatting idly, but the feelings have become more and more intimate in the process.

Sanmao once said:

"Conjugal life is trivial and concrete, even if life is bitter, can not omit the husband and wife together to talk nonsense and love words, only in this way, marriage has vitality and vitality." 」

To test whether a marriage is happy, it depends on whether two people have something to talk about, and when there is only endless silence between two people, the marriage is only disappointed.

And a happy marriage is something I don't tire of sharing with you, and you're happy to respond to me tirelessly.

You say a word, I say a word, you are willing to say, I am willing to listen, feelings will heat up unconsciously.

Small talk is not annoying, communicate with each other, marriage has temperature.

Zhou Guoping said in "Man and Eternity":

"All interactions have an insurmountable final boundary, which is unclear, yet certain.

All troubles and conflicts arise from the desire to break through this boundary. ”

No matter how good the feelings, they need to maintain a proper distance to have breathing space.

Yataro Matsuura, a well-known publisher, is known as "Japan's most life-conscious man", and he once shared his way of getting along with his wife in "Live With Your Heart Today".

My wife likes to read or watch TV alone after dinner and travels alone for a few days a month.

At this time, Yataro Matsuura would give her enough space because he knew that having a person's time was important to his wife, so he would not interfere.

When his wife travels, he takes on the responsibility of caring for his daughter and doing housework.

When Yataro Matsuura chooses to travel alone, his wife will respect and understand, and will not complain.

He believes that couples should need some time alone, and the time spent together is to communicate well, and they can understand each other and help each other.

How many couples, thinking that two people enter marriage, can naturally point fingers at the other half without distinction between you and me.

A good marriage is never to tie the other party to each other all the time, but to know how to grasp the measure and find the distance that both people are comfortable.

Like a quote from Rose Island:

"The best love is that two people are company with each other, don't be bound, don't be entangled, two people stand side by side, and look at this lonely human world together." 」

Love is not bondage, it is fulfillment.

Grasping the measure is self-sustaining, but also respecting.

Only when they are dependent on each other and are alone and independent can marriage be free.

The writer Mader once said: "What can really promote love is not strong love, but trivial time." ”

Humanistic loneliness, marriage, let us find our own other half in the vast sea of people, and become each other's dependence.

And the best state of marriage is not tired of being bored for a long time, chatting is not annoying, and the measure is not chaotic.

For a long time, he is still willing to hold the other party's hand when the passion retreats.

Small talk is not annoying, it is after a long time, the two people still have nothing to talk about.

No matter how close the feelings are, there is still room for free breathing.

Marriage is the accumulation and expression of emotions.

In the future, may we spend the rest of our lives together in the days of one meal and one vegetable, one word and one word.

Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.

Author | Coco, focus on writing, love life.

Editor-in-Chief | A doctor

Typography | Zheng to the north

Music | spring scenery