If you can not suffer, then do not eat

At the age of thirty, I won the Newcomer Award of the literary magazine "Group Portrait" and officially debuted as a writer. At that time, I had accumulated a certain amount of life experience, although it was not very rich, but it was different from ordinary people or ordinary people.

Usually everyone graduates from college first, then gets employed, and then gets married and starts a family after a period of time. In fact, I had planned to do the same, or rather, I thought it would probably be like this. Because doing so, well, is the world's conventional order.

And I almost never had the idea of arrogance going against the grain of the world. In fact, I got married first, then worked because of the pressure of life, and then finally graduated and left school. Contrary to the usual order. This should be said to be going with the flow, or involuntarily, in short, it is difficult for life to operate in accordance with the established policy step by step.

Anyway, I got married at the beginning (as for why I want to get married, it's a long story, let's not mention it), and I hate to work in the company (as for why I hate being employed, this is also a long story, let's omit it), so I decided to open a small shop by myself. It was a small shop that played jazz records and served coffee, alcohol and dishes.

Because I was addicted to jazz (and I still listen to it a lot now), as long as I could listen to my favorite music from morning to night! It is out of this very simple, in a sense quite sloppy idea.

I got married before I graduated, and of course I didn't have any money, so I worked several jobs at the same time in three years with my wife, desperately trying to save money and then going around in debt. In this way, with the money from the east and west, he opened a small shop at the south exit of Kokubunji Station. That was in 1974.

Thankfully, at that time, young people did not spend as much money to open shops as they do now, so people like me who "did not want to go to work in the company" and "did not want to wag their tails to the system" opened small shops everywhere, such as cafes, small restaurants, grocery stores and bookstores.

There are also several shops run by peers around my little shop, and guys who are bloody and look like students who are down and down are also dangling around. There seem to be many places like "gaps" in the whole world, as long as you are lucky and find the "gaps" that suit you, you can survive. It was a time of greatness, but there was no shortage of fun.

I moved the upright piano I used from home and held live concerts in the store on weekends. There are many jazz musicians living in the Musashino area, and despite the low cost of the performance, everyone (it seems) always comes to perform happily.

Like Shiharu Xiangjing, Yaki Takase, Kiyo Sugimoto, Yoshio Otomo, Takao Uematsu, Ryoji Furuzawa, Fumio Watanabe, it's really happy. They are all young and full of energy. Well, sadly, neither of them made any money.

Although it is to do what you like, after all, you are in debt, and it is quite difficult to repay your debts. We don't borrow from banks, we borrow from friends. Fortunately, the money borrowed from a friend was paid off in a few years. Waking up early and going to bed late every day, saving money and saving money, I finally paid off my debts, although this was a matter of course.

At that time we (by that, my wife and I) lived a very frugal Spartan life. There was no television or radio at home, not even an alarm clock. There are also almost no heating facilities, and in the cold night, I have to sleep tightly with a few cats at home. The cats also pushed us.

Every month they had to repay the bank loan, and once they could not raise any money, the couple walked on the road late at night with their heads down, and found crumpled banknotes that had fallen on the ground. I don't know whether to say the principle of synchronicity or some kind of guidance in the dark, but that is the amount we need.

If I couldn't repay the loan the next day, the bank would refuse to accept it, and it would simply take back a small life (somehow this incredible thing happened on my life path). The money was supposed to be handed over to the police, but at that point I didn't have the strength to say nice things.

I'm sorry... Apologizing now will not help. Well, I'm willing to return it to society as much as possible in other ways.

I have no intention of pouring out my grievances here, in short, I want to say that in my twenties, I have been living a very hard life. Of course, there are countless people in the world who have suffered worse. In their opinion, my situation may only be a piece of cake: "Hmm, where is this hardship!" ”

I think that's true, but one-to-two is hard enough for me. That's it.

Yet also very happy. This is also an indisputable fact. We are young and very healthy, the most important thing is that we can listen to our favorite music all day, although the shop is small, it is also the king of a country and the lord of a city.

No need to squeeze into a full tram and rush to work, no need to attend boring meetings, no need to nod at the annoying boss, and meet all kinds of interesting and interesting people.

It is also very important that I completed my social studies during this time. Saying "social learning" seems too blunt, silly, in short, it is grown up. Several times, he almost hit his head against the south wall, but he retreated at the moment of a thousand gunshots. I have also encountered filthy words, been corrupted by others, and made a lot of resentment.

At that time, just because they were in the "liquor business", they would be unjustifiably discriminated against by society. Not only must the flesh be driven cruelly, but everything must be silent and patient. Sometimes you have to kick drunken drunks out of the store. When the wind hit, I could only shrink my head and carry it hard. In short, there is nothing else to ask for, and I only want to hold the small shop and slowly pay off the debt.

However, after finally surviving this difficult time without distraction, and did not suffer a heavy blow, he was able to save his life and came to a slightly opener and flatter place.

After taking a short breath, I looked around and saw a new landscape that I had never seen before, and in the landscape stood a new self—in short. Looking back, I became a little stronger than before, and seemed to have gained some wisdom (just a little bit).

I have not the slightest intention of advising you, "Try to suffer as much as possible on the road of life." To be honest, I think it would be better not to eat if you couldn't get through without suffering. There is no doubt that suffering is by no means a pleasure, but I am afraid that there are still people who will be devastated and will never be able to regain their strength.

However, if you happen to be in trouble at this moment and are suffering, then I would like to tell you: "Although it is very difficult right now, this experience may bear fruit in the future." I don't know if this can be a comfort, but please think like this and move forward.