Reading the book "The Art of Love" written by Fromm today, I was deeply touched at the same time, the image of a girl suddenly appeared in my mind.
On the road section where I worked some time ago, almost every day I saw a girl of about twenty-two or three years old standing there near the road outside the gate of a certain unit, staring at the inside of the gate for a moment.
It was three or nine days, the wind was bitter, and she was wearing only a thin small cotton coat, a white scarf, a pair of single pants, a small top, and she could show her waist by lifting her arms. My colleagues and I were wrapped in thick down jackets and still felt cold. When I passed by her, I could see that her frozen face had changed color, but she still insisted on standing there.
The more times I saw it, the more enthusiastic people came forward to inquire about the reason.
It turned out that she was facing her boyfriend's unit, because the two quarreled, the boyfriend blocked all her communication methods, she could not contact her boyfriend, so she waited at the door of his unit every day.
My colleague said, "Even if you wait, you have to wear thicker, it's so cold."
Her: "This dress was worn when we last met, and I'm afraid he won't recognize me after changing my clothes."
My colleague: "Why did he block you?" ”
Her: "He said I wasn't self-reliant. In fact, I blame it, I made it myself."
My feelings are complicated, with some sympathy on the one hand and some chills in my heart on the other.
A month later, our work there was over and we didn't see her meet her boyfriend, and it's not known what happened to her later.
Seeing this story, I don't know how everyone feels? Just imagine, if you were her boyfriend, would you come out and meet her? She waited so many days at the door of her boyfriend's unit, didn't the boyfriend know? Definitely know! Why didn't you come out and see her? Because he's afraid...
Let's not discuss her boyfriend, of course, he must be responsible, at least, the union or breakup must give a clear answer.
This girl's performance, thinking about it, is extremely frightening, don't you think?
(1) Waiting in the cold wind for so long is a kind of control.
Meaning: You see, I am frozen in the cold wind for you, you should come out to see me, it is your fault not to come out, you are a negative person!
(2) She doesn't love herself
What is true love? First of all, you have to have the ability to love people! Where does the power of the lover come from? Love yourself first! People who will love themselves, have a peaceful mentality, love is overflowing, love can naturally flow to each other, and this kind of love can make each other comfortable.
Does this girl love herself? Don't love! Her heart is lacking in love, and subconsciously she is not worthy of being loved, so she wants to grab it from the outside, do all kinds of things in her boyfriend, and finally prove the fact that she is not loved.
Fromm divides love into two categories, mature love and immature love.
Mature love is: Because I love you, so I need you; immature love is: Because I need you, so I love you.
What kind of love is this girl's love for her boyfriend? Immature love. She's like a stubborn child who needs her boyfriend to provide emotional value all the time, and the boyfriend feels tired and can't provide what she needs, so she has to break the connection.
What she needs to think about is: how to find herself, take back the gaze of her boyfriend, look at herself more, what she can do for herself, and when she can take responsibility for her feelings, she will not be so painful and will not wait in the cold wind anymore.
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