Japanese writer Hayashi Mariko's novel "The Lost World" is such a work, the heroine through the complexity and desire of human nature, experienced painful struggles, from a young girl, gradually grew into an independent and mature woman, and finally saw the real self, found the real "want" in her heart.
When I read this book, I didn't see the aura of the author: a female writer with the same name as Junichi Watanabe, who swept almost all the awards in the Japanese literary world, the winner of the Naoki Prize, the judge of the Naoki Prize, and one of the female writers of Japan's "Four Heavenly Kings".
What I see is the awareness and delicate description of complex human nature, through the author's skill, a woman's psychological entanglement, contradiction, struggle, growth is clearly displayed in front of the eyes, the era of bubble economy, is the loss of the times, but also the loss of a person's inner direction, and it is also a process of the growth and development of things.
In the book, the author takes the opportunity of writing a TV series to make exquisite arrangements that intersperse the life time of the protagonist Sawano Ino in the past and the future, and also allows us to witness The experience of Mizue in the past and future. And here, in order to better sort out the footprints of Ruizhi's inner growth, I would like to take a look at her life in the order of the timeline.
When Mizue was in his 20s, it was the era of Japan's bubble economy, the rapid development of the economy in this era, along with the development of the economy, a large number of upstarts emerged, and it was this expansion of monetary power that made these people who appeared with the times become the characters who the magazines competed to chase the report.
At that time, Ruizhi was a writer for a magazine, and because of the interview, he met the legendary Regal Gunji. At the first meeting, Mizue has a prejudice against Gunji, intuitively thinking that he is a rich but vulgar person, and I think that This feeling of Mizue actually exists all the time, even if she later marries Kunji or falls in love with Gunji, this feeling has always been there.
It is precisely because of this feeling that her questions are full of provocation, and it is precisely because of this provocative attitude that the county division has an interest, perhaps the county division himself does not understand why among so many people, he will choose to marry Ruizhi, of course, there are reasons like Ruizhi heard, because the county division wants a child, and Ruizhi conforms to the image of the traditional wife, and can have a child for him. However, in addition to this reason, I think he saw himself in Ruizhi, and in the same way, Ruizhi also saw himself in Gunji, the lost real self, indulging in false bubbles, to some extent disgusted with such a self; wanting to become a better self, but being bound, unable to find, seeking sensory stimulation at the same time, is the lack of love in the depths of the heart.
To some extent, Ruizhi is adoring the county division, and she also hates the county division, this contradiction brings curiosity, she can't help but have dinner with the county division, and is very happy to use the county division's car phone to contact colleagues, the beginning of the contradiction and entanglement, doomed to the pain and entanglement of this marriage.
After being with Gunji, Mizuki experienced a so-called sweet and happy time, Gunji took her to Europe to go shopping, dumped her previous cheap line, Gunji took her into high society, met the upper class, and also took her to luxurious high places, spending thousands of dollars...
In these seemingly sweet times, I did not see a truly happy Ruizhi, I saw a numb heart, immersed in the vanity of fake my money, while excited, while disgusted with her own Ruizhi, she was self-destructive, like others, she thought she was a vulgar woman who married into the rich for money.
Like a little girl, she was afraid of becoming such a person, longing for the gunji to truly love her, and also decadently verified that she was just one of many women, but she was lucky enough to become the object of marriage.
She is a little girl who does not dare to speak the truth in front of Gunji, she is a little girl who does not dare to express her true feelings in front of Shoko, one of Gunji's lovers, she does not even dare to fully expose herself in front of Reiko, who belongs to the same noblewoman circle, her heart is lonely, confused, and helpless.
Multiple contradictions, painful psychological torture, she could not bear it anymore, she tracked her husband to the high club, she began to maintain her dignity as a wife, of course, the consequence of this is divorce, and it is because of this divorce that her personality began to be independent.
After the divorce, Ruizhi did not get rid of the mentality of being abandoned and self-abandoned, she struggled to raise her daughter alone, and on the other hand, she also experienced several men as a little third. Why I cheated, why I had an affair, this is a kind of dissatisfaction with my current situation, not accepting, but also a kind of self-indulgence that seeks excitement and seeks a breakthrough.
In order to write the script, re-meet her old husband's good friend Gao Lin, but also enjoy Gao Lin's pursuit, although from beginning to end, she has always seen the end of herself and Gao Lin, but she did not reject Gao Lin, in a happy and contradictory mood, she had a relationship with Gao Lin, and also enjoyed the sweetness of being pursued in the woman's small careful plan.
In terms of dealing with Gao Lin's emotions, I see the inner confusion of a woman, she longs to have someone of the same age to accompany her, but Gao Lin has her own wife, children, she knows that this is impossible, she knows her age, she is not the age at which she can joke about her years anymore, she is lost in emotion...
At the same time, idol actor Satoshi is also pursuing her, Satoshi's optimism and strength have the straightness of a 20-something boy, and there is also a strong force like Gunji in his bones. In the face of this feeling, Ruizhi actually has inferiority and unworthiness, she does not feel that she is a divorced woman with children, can really get the love of Cong, especially as the object of marriage, she feels that maybe it is Satoshi's momentary impulse, she will experience the failure of another marriage, in such a fog, she can not see her heart.
With the finale of the TV series, all the character stories have come to a climax, from the beginning has been in the memory of the Gunji finally appeared, he called, from The contradiction and tension of Mizue can be seen that she has not actually come out of the relationship entangled with the Gunji, to some extent, her heart has been wandering in the fog, never came out.
Seeing the county division after the fall, seeing the middle-aged fat county division, seeing that he can still work hard, but also seeing his contradictions and optimism, they returned to the original old shop together, and saw the building of acquaintance together, the building has been demolished, changed into a parking lot, standing in such an old place, looking at the changes brought about by the passage of time, maybe just a "sigh", Ruizhi's heart let go, let go of the once lost self, once walked through the years, but also let go of the constant contradictions, Her heart was also demolished and rebuilt.
"We're young enough. Still have enough young light, can you do it again..." Ruizhi finally stopped lamenting that she was an older aunt, her heart was alive, and she was young, she accepted her past self, and she accepted her present self, and at the same time saw the real self, naturally, she saw her real "want", and also believed that she could deserve everything she wanted.
Human nature is a very complex thing, when these complexities meet the external worldly fame and fortune money, it will become more complex, in the double complexity, the heart is covered with a thick fog, maybe you desperately open your eyes, but you can't feel the real emotions in your heart, and you can't see what you really want, so you deviate from the direction and get lost.
However, as long as you insist, the fog will always dissipate, even if the weather is dark, there will be a time when the fog will dissipate, through the days in the fog, over the hills, with the bustling flow of people, looking at the undulating times, no matter what, do not give up on yourself, so that you can cross the desire, break the cocoon and rebuild.
Have you ever been as confused as Ryoko Sawano?