2021 is probably my most bitter year, I quit my job at the end of March, and I have found several jobs one after another, many of which are so good, and the salary is still in Xiangyang.
Clerical, office work, for me such a, middle-aged mother, should be considered very good, a little rational people this is the only choice, do not know why I always feel inappropriate, and finally did not do.
The boss of a company agreed that I could take the company when the children were hanging out, but the treatment with others who did not bring children was different, others ate and lived, but I even had to solve the work meals myself, others wrapped up, but I had to leave work at the same time as them at night, and the salary was lower than others.
If I had been sane enough, I should have accepted it, but I couldn't convince myself that I didn't go the next day after work. I've been reflecting on it for the past few days, why? Taking care of children may be just one of the reasons, on the other hand because the last job gave me a habit. No matter the boss's request, I will definitely do her satisfaction, do my best, and make her impeccable! (Just for her time that can be synchronized with the national workers, I should always endure it is king, although the salary is low, but it is also a job!) ）
However, in the end, he did not hold back, abandoned his reason and chose to be willful, and chose to quit at the end of March 2021. Say goodbye to this work that can also pick up and drop off children to take care of children. To say that there is no regret is self-deception, but people should look forward and regret it is useless!
Whenever I think of that harsh hostess, I still have nightmares in the middle of the night. So when she called me back, I refused without hesitation. Now interview for every job, I do not talk to the boss about salary, but the humble request can take the child to work when the child is on vacation, my humble can not be exchanged for the sympathy of the boss, some directly refuse, some refuse more euphemistically. Looking around, my heart is painful and depressed, I did not reflect on myself, maybe I have not yet reached the level of hunger if I do not go to work, I have not been forced to the end of the road, people will always feel that there is a better choice.
I'm no exception!
But I have an irrepressible resentment of my child for this family.
As a woman, others only need to take care of the family and take care of the children. And I have to take care of the children's family, that is, to work and work, I must be fully responsible for everything at home and with my children. And the man who is the head of the family does not bring me material pleasures, nor does he bring us spiritual dependence. In my mind he was just a decoration. Often thinking that his hatred is not justified, that men have not let us live a superior life, but he has also tried his best, and at the most, he himself thinks so. (Hate may just be imposing my own unsatisfactory feelings on others, because I can't hate myself.) When people reach middle age, I think they are rational enough, mature enough and stable. Only when it is difficult to sleep in the middle of the night when people are quietly turning around and turning, they will reflect on themselves, see their own bad and willfulness, but they cannot accept the results of their own willfulness. So you can only resent others, how sad! ）
When I first quit my job, I was very ambitious, always thinking that I was born to be useful. I can learn from others to do self-media, I can also write articles, and if I can't, I can also set up a small shop around the school, that is, I can maintain my life without delaying the care of my children. Ideals are always beautiful, and reality is always snapping in the face. Do self-media selfie stick to buy back, try to shoot for a few days, there is no following. The article is still written, there is no original enthusiasm, just started a day, now a few days do not open the computer, occasionally think of it to write some essays or something.
As for opening a store, I looked for a storefront for a few days, but the storefront was not found, and it was not finished. The only thing I insist on is that I am still browsing 58 cities every day, hoping that there will be a miracle. If I can find a job that can take care of my children, that is the best choice for me. There is always a voice in my heart saying to myself that it is not enough for a woman to just want to find a job after the age of forty, and I should now try to find a job for myself that I can support my family in the next twenty-Chinese New Year's Eve years.
It's one thing to understand in your heart, it's another thing to be able to do it. I have no long belongings, and when I was a child, I didn't read well, that is, I didn't have the ability to go through the heavens and the earth, I didn't have the talent to strategize, I wasn't good at calculation in business, and I didn't have a unique vision. Or just start small. The only thing I can do at the moment is sit in front of the computer and code words. I want to insist, and I can only insist!
When I sent my children to school today, I was hesitant again at the company that I promised to go to work yesterday. When I left, I didn't take the bag, I didn't want to go, more than three thousand yuan a month is not much, in Xiangyang enough for an ordinary family like our monthly living expenses can still be. But I thought about the way the boss was lying on the couch in a disheveled outfit when I went to the interview, and I felt a little unhappy and unwilling. Such a boss is not what I want to follow, and I don't want to do things for him. I think too much, part-time workers should have as long as others give you a salary, you do your own thing to do, but I somehow, reason told me that I should go, but deep down there is no way to force myself. I am still the wayward self, learning not to accommodate and rationally face people and things. Halfway back, I passed next to the child's school and saw that the Morning Dawn Custody School was recruiting a composition teacher, and I wrote down the phone.
In 2021, the self-confidence that I used to have, confident and controlling everything was trampled into mud. The past can always be light and clear, because then young, and time is the biggest enemy of women. When people reach middle age, no matter how mature and intellectual, age in the workplace is my hard wound, which is a hurdle that cannot be turned over!
Woman forty, it's a brand new self! Know yourself and perfect yourself!
