Author: Jin Weichun Founder of Business Week, a business and financial magazine in Taiwan
Source: Zhenghe Island
01、 learn to "obey"
I was recently learning "obedience", and I learned how "disobedient" I was, and how important "obedience" was.
Let's start with your own "disobedience." If I divide the symptoms of "disobedience" into five levels, I must be the fifth level, that is, the "good teacher" level. The symptoms are as follows:
First, before anyone else could say anything, I knew what he was trying to say;
Second, if an acquaintance is talking, I will ask him to "say the point" in three minutes, and I will ask him "the conclusion is" in five minutes;
Third, if it is an elder or a "nobleman" who speaks, I have to be patient and pretend to listen, but there are a lot of opinions in my stomach, and I have to control my expression so as not to be discovered;
Fourth, I occasionally listen carefully to what others are saying, in order to find a topic for my next "high opinion";
Fifth, if the occasion is under my control, I often interrupt, interject or answer when others speak.
All in all, I only listen to what I want to hear, and with the richness of my experience and knowledge, the "people" or "words" that can be worth listening to are of course less and less, less and less than almost zero, which is equivalent to making the "obedience" thing more and more irrelevant to me. As a result, most people will no longer tell me what is on their minds except that they must "ask" me, and a minority (unstoppable) will nag the same thing in my ear day after day.
This symptom is very serious! What is more serious is that I am actually unconscious, and I still think that I "do not listen to reason", blaming those who do not deserve my hearing to speak not concisely, brilliantly enough, not reasonable enough, not deep enough.
After starting to learn "obedience", I know how bad my past life was, not only can't see what others are doing, can't feel the state of mind of others, and it is impossible to learn from other people's experience, basically it is equivalent to not "being with people", only living in their own prejudices, there is no "living in the present" feeling, and life is no longer moving forward.
Simply put, "disobedience" and lack of empathy and lack of attention can be equated. "Disobedience" means living only with the head and not with the heart. "Disobedient" people, who only have themselves in their hearts and no others, will definitely live very tired.
How do I learn to be "obedient"? There is only one mantra, which is: listen with your heart! When others are talking, practice not interjecting, not being presumptuous, not being "absent-minded", and listening to everything said by others.
For a fifth-degree severe patient like me who is "disobedient", this is of course a difficult lesson. The method of cultivation is also very simple: keep reminding, keep practicing, keep doing, and over time, get used to it and become natural.
After I began to learn "obedience" in this way, I gradually heard many things that I could not hear in the past, heard about people's feelings, heard the causes behind people and things, heard the unity of others and myself, and occasionally heard "living in the present."
I gradually discovered that many things do not need to be said or done, but as long as they listen attentively, they are already complete. It turned out that others just needed to say it, needed me to listen attentively, and that was it.
I feel the benefits of "obedience" and enjoy the pleasure of "obedience", although I am still learning, I already know that I will not go back to the past.
02, 5 performances of talking
Some friends heard that I was "learning to talk" and couldn't help but be surprised. Because I grew up as a child who loves to tell stories, I used to be the coach of the debate team in college, I often spoke after the age of thirty, and I was also named a "TV celebrity" more than ten years ago.
The answer is that I recently met a tall person, and I realized that I was just a "person who can talk about my own thoughts", which is called "love to talk", not "can talk".
My "love to talk" syndrome is as follows:
First, it is often said that the rise is like entering the no-man's land and cannot be stopped; Second, those who often "instruct" others are what they are unwilling to do or cannot do; Third, sometimes when it comes to "whipping in", it is found that the expression of the person listening to it is very painful; Fourth, sometimes the other party also thinks that I am right, but he can't do it; Fifth, people who occasionally listen to me do what I say, but the result is not very good; Sixth, of course, the most serious is to be carried by emotions or delusions to speak, and only after saying it does you feel inexplicable.
People like me, if they do not hurry to learn to speak, will continue to become a source of social chaos.
As for how the tall people I met spoke, there are also a few points:
First, others do not ask, do not easily say; Second, when it must be said, only a few words; Third, when speaking, the whole person is "present" and puts the heart on the listener; Fourth, speaking leaves a lot of room for the listener to figure it out for himself; Fifth, everything you say is what you are doing.
This reminds me of a quote I once read in a book: "We should preach the gospel anytime and anywhere, but only if necessary, we should use language." ”
Originally, the focus of "learning to speak" was to learn "not to speak" first.
As Froebels said, "The way of education is without him, but only love and example." To use language, it is already a last resort, and if you talk about it again, you can only count as "ostomy".
According to this, I divide "speaking" into three categories: speaking for me, speaking for things, and speaking for people.
Of course, first of all, the one who is inferior speaks for his own emotions, addictions, or attempts, the one who is in the middle speaks for the attainment of things, and the one who is superior speaks for the perfection of man;
Second, practice "talking less", and if you can finish it in one sentence, never use two sentences;
Finally, practice "speaking for people", and when you speak, you must constantly be aware of whether you are speaking for me, for things, or for people.
I must admit that a negative textbook figure like me who can't speak, learning to speak is really a big lesson, and it is not easy to have one awareness ten times and one realization ten times to do it.
Now I boldly announce that I am "learning to speak", that is, to ask your relatives and friends to teach me.
Note: Intern Yachao Zhang also contributed to this article.