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Shen Lei, English teacher at Nanjing Zhiyuan Junior High School
Personal public number: Shen Lei's class teacher's handwriting
Shen Lei
Towards the end of the term, I talked to some parents about their children's revisions. After the exchange, a parent told me: "Teacher, I have long wanted to contact you to understand the situation of the child, but I am embarrassed to disturb your work, very troubled." ”
This sentence conveys two meanings: first, the frequency of active communication between me and parents needs to be strengthened, because parents have the need to understand the situation of their children from the teacher's mouth; second, parents have the idea of taking the initiative to contact the teacher, but they are often entangled in "should not" and "whether to do it", and finally they are not implemented into action.
Many parents have said that they have hesitated to contact the teacher, and even some of my friends, who are teachers themselves, also have such confusion.
Today we will talk about this topic: before the exam, should parents take the initiative to contact the teacher to understand their children's revision situation?
What is behind the parents' entanglement? It's actually a clash of perceptions (opinions).
1. Want to grasp the key points in time. The final exam is a comprehensive feedback on the child's learning throughout the semester, the credibility and validity of the test paper are very high, and the organization of the exam is also very strict, so this is a thing that makes people respect and fear, expect and anxious. Contacting the teacher at such a critical point in time can increase the focus on the review process and be a good supporter of the child. Communication with the teacher before the test is better than the exchange of results after the test.
2. Worry about causing trouble for the teacher. Parents are well aware of the teacher's workload at the end of the semester, the preparation for the review class is greater than that of the new lesson, and the revision and tutoring after the class, the evaluation and summary at the end of the semester will put the teacher in a high-intensity working state. Parents are worried that active contact will affect the teacher's work, but it will cause the teacher to resent.
3. Fear of exposing the child's bad habits and performance at home. School and home are two different kinds of places, and children will behave differently in the face of teachers and parents because of their different roles. Parents are worried that in the process of communicating with the teacher, some of the child's less active performances at home will be spoken out, exposing the child's shortcomings and affecting the teacher's impression of the child. If the teacher gives feedback to the child, the parent becomes a complainant, affecting the parent-child relationship.
4. There is the idea of "self-persuasion, rare confusion". The reason why most parents ultimately choose not to take the initiative to communicate is that they have found a reasonable explanation for themselves: "The teacher did not look for me, indicating that the situation of my children is still reasonable." If the problem is big, the teacher will definitely look for me. "Don't ask, can get by and get by, ask if you find a problem, you are more likely to be anxious and irritable, you can't help but "manage" the child. Some parents also said that the suggestions and requirements given by the teacher may not be able to do it, but since they asked, it is not good not to do it, so they simply do not ask.
Based on the conflict of the above four ideas, parents are impulsive but lack determination, so they are very entangled.
As a teacher, I suggest that parents may wish to put aside such entanglements and take the initiative to contact the teacher at the key time point of 1-2 weeks before the test to communicate about the child's situation.
Communicating with the teacher before the test has at least 3 benefits
1. Send a signal of "active cooperation". The effectiveness of the final review lies not only in whether the child seriously participates in the class, but also depends largely on whether they can strictly follow the requirements and suggestions of the teacher after class to review independently, which requires more assistance and supervision from parents. For example, the memorization of basic knowledge and the combing of basic concepts, if children can seriously pass the test at home, they can better interact with teachers in the classroom and break through the use of difficult points and easy mistakes. In fact, before the test, teachers and parents have the need to cooperate, and parents take the initiative to communicate is the first to send a signal, and the teacher will pay more attention to the child.
2. It is convenient for parents to speak out about their difficulties. When teachers communicate with parents, they usually ask about the child's situation at home, and parents are often embarrassed to open their mouths. However, when parents take the initiative to contact the teacher, they better grasp the initiative of dialogue. Parents are more likely to express their sense of powerlessness, such as the most common is that children do not agree to check their homework but do not complete the homework seriously, lock the door as soon as they do homework, and cannot control the mobile phone. Parents can only find help if they have clarified the difficulties. Parents need to pay attention to the fact that they should try to describe their child's specific performance at home as objectively (without excessively bringing personal emotions). This is done not only so that parents can better handle their emotions, but also so that teachers can analyze targeted methods and countermeasures from specific performances.
3. Communicate information and keep the direction of home and school consistent. The students in the eyes of the teacher and the children in the eyes of the parents are not exactly the same, so we need to exchange information. For example, some students are very active in class, but the quality of homework is always not high, ask parents to know, they are very abrasive at home, lack of concentration when writing homework, and even secretly use mobile phones to play games; and some children work silently at home, but because they do not let the teacher know, missed a good opportunity for praise and encouragement. Children are people who are changing and developing, which requires parents and teachers to maintain a certain frequency of communication and understand the children in an all-round way.
There are so many benefits to contacting a teacher on your own initiative, what else is there to worry about?
How do I contact my teacher to get the best results? I have 4 points of recommendation.
1. Choose the right time to communicate
A home-school communication that is fully tailored to the child's situation takes at least 15-20 minutes, so parents should understand the curriculum of the teachers of each subject and choose to contact the teacher if the teacher does not have a lesson and has enough free time for their work. If the teacher's chores are concentrated in the morning or afternoon, it is better to choose a half-day period without chores.
It is not recommended to contact the teacher (unless it is an important and urgent matter) for the following three time periods: before 10:00 am, 12:00 pm - 14:00 pm, and after 20:00 pm.
Before 10:00 a.m., regardless of whether the teacher has a class or not, usually grading homework, need to concentrate, should not be disturbed; noon 12:00--14:00 is usually the time for teachers and students to correct errors, individual tutoring and conversation, appropriate lunch break; after 20:00 pm, teachers should be allowed to return to family life, most teachers will also use this time to prepare, read, write, etc., unless emergency, it is best not to contact the teacher after 20:00.
Avoiding the teacher's high-intensity work and rest periods, the communication time is selected correctly, and there is no situation that disturbs the teacher.
2. Develop specific communication content
Home-school communication should be thematic, usually around the child's academic development and physical and mental growth, and avoid rambling dialogue. Therefore, parents should have a clear content design before communicating with teachers.
In view of the particularity of the pre-test, the following three contents are very suitable for communication:
1. Reflect the child's review at home (praise + criticism);
2. Explain what you have done in the process of accompanying your child to review, what effects there are, and what confusion there is;
3. Understand the focus of the child's review stage from the teacher, and consult the specific requirements and suggestions that need to be cooperated by yourself.
Such three contents can not only open up the child's performance at home and at school, but also adjust their own cooperation plan according to the current review focus, which is more effective.
3. Adopt an artistic approach to action
The purpose of communication is ultimately to return to the child's motivation, so when parents contact the teacher, they should have positive feedback with the child.
Here I give two more artistic ways to deal with it, which not only helps to improve the child's behavior, but also helps to strengthen the parent-child relationship.
1. Present praise in the first person. Parents may wish to take the initiative to tell their children that they have communicated with the teacher, and in the communication, parents see the child's efforts and progress, so praise the child. You can use the sentence "Mom/Dad found you... Very serious (must be specific) so I want to praise you. "This is a positive reinforcement of the child's virtuous behavior.
2. Make a request in a third person. Many parents have a lot of ideas after communicating with teachers, such as asking children to speed up homework, control mobile phone use, and sort out wrong questions in a targeted manner, but when parents put forward these requirements, children do not think so, do not listen, and do not implement, and parents are more angry. At this time, you may wish to change the subject and express it through the mouth of the teacher, such as "Today the teacher mentioned that you are... The aspect needs to be improved, and he wants you to come next..." In this way, the child will pay more attention to the demands made.
What to do is important, but how to do it more affects the effect. Conversations with adolescent children, especially in the special period before the exam, should pay more attention to the artistry of speaking.
4. Make effective secondary feedback
After all, the effect of pre-test contact is limited, if you want to optimize the effect, parents are best able to contact the teacher for a second time within 5-10 days after the test, and the purpose of this contact is to focus on attribution and reflection.
The 1-2 days after the test is the time period for the teacher to concentrate on reading the paper and analyzing the test paper, and it takes 3-5 days to analyze each student's test paper thoroughly. At the same time, about 3 days after the test is also a time for the teacher to guide the students to correct and analyze the test papers. Therefore, in the 5th-10th day period, parents and teachers make a second contact, which can accurately grasp the children's gains and losses in this exam.
Combined with the analysis of gains and losses, parents can effectively feedback the effect of pre-test contact, what is the good place they have done, what is the effective place, and can continue in the future; what problems exist, especially the difficulties in the review interaction with children at home, can further communicate with the teacher and look for measures for improvement.
The second contact is a follow-up to the pre-test contact, which will form a closed loop of the whole communication, which is of great significance.
In this way, there are many advantages for parents to take the initiative to contact the teacher before the test, which is an important way for parents to cooperate with school, and parents do not need to struggle at all.
Master the necessary methods and precautions for contacting the teacher, so that the direction of home-school communication before the test is consistent, and the effect is doubled.
Proofread by Li Haihui
Source: Purple Cow News