Fei Fei likes to use toy villains to play war games, when playing, he will line up the villains, "bombard" them with leather balls, smash the villains everywhere, and sometimes remove the arms and legs of the villains. These situations make the mother very worried: "Is this child violent?" Should I confiscate the toy and stop him from playing this kind of game? ”
Tintin has always liked to "provoke" his parents recently, often jumping out of the cold, slapping his mother on the back, or punching his father. For this reason, he did not say less. "Can't you just sit quietly and read a book?" His mother used to ask him to do so. The mother felt that her son was too tao, and he did not learn the rules, and he was criticized by the teacher every day when he went to school.
The fawn's favorite thing to do is to beat with a stick, beat the plush bear with a toy gold hoop stick at home, and always pick up a branch when going out, and whipp the small trees on the side of the road all the way. Grandma often complained to Fawn's parents for this reason: "Can you teach your children to play some serious games?" Don't fight and kill. ”
When they see children's games with fights, attacks, or demolition of toys, bullying plush bears, parents are easy to worry - is this too violent? Why should children play like this?
"Violence" is considered a negative word, and the feelings conveyed to everyone are usually bad. However, the vast majority of children's performance in daily life and games is far from reaching the level of "violence", and the more appropriate word is "aggressive".
The meaning of "aggressive" is actually neutral, and aggression has important implications for human survival.
In the days when our ancestors lived, hunting was an important way to obtain survival resources, and hunting was attacking.
In addition, we all know that when we are in danger, our instinctive reaction is to "fight" or "run". "Hitting" is also an attack.
Therefore, we don't have to talk about "attack" and change color. As the American child psychologist Michael Thompson said in his book —
"Everyone is aggressive, and children just show this universal humanity."
In fact, back to our own childhood, this imaginary attack game, many people (especially boys) have also played.
In a similar example, the first thing we have to see is that the child is in play, showing aggression in a hypothetical scenario. In this regard, two understandings should be clarified:
Most children can clearly distinguish between play and real life.
The attack behavior in the game is fundamentally different from the real-life attack behavior -
In play, the child's purpose is to "play", not to "hurt others". This kind of game-style attack, just like us adults playing "real cs" games, or some fighting games, actually has a certain degree of mitigation on the real life attack impulse.
Therefore, strictly restricting the child's aggressive behavior, or blindly requiring the child to "be quiet" and "abide by the rules", is not in line with the child's psychological needs.
Our advice is: it is better to take the initiative to play a game with your child and help your child release the impulse to attack in the game.
Psychologist Antoni Peregrini devoted himself to the study of the significance of children's play and free movement. He found that children who played playing games regularly had fewer violent impulses, were better at making friends, and performed better academically than other children.
This is because healthy play games will teach children:
I have the power, not because I can suppress others, but because my body can do great things (like kids learning to turn their heads, older kids practicing parkour), and because I can work with others and do great things together (like kids playing horseback riding games together, older kids practicing double yoga together).
Recommend you two simple and fun playing games. None of them require complicated techniques or much venue requirements, so you can play with your kids at home.
Please pay attention before playing -
Safety Instructions——
It is best to play on soft floor mats or carpets, and pay attention to cleaning up the debris on the floor.
If you are playing in bed, pay attention to the height of the bed from the ground and do not fall.
If necessary, knee pads and palm pads can be worn.
Basic Principles -
Whether the child can laugh is the only criterion for testing the effectiveness of the game. Don't worry too much about the rules.
Try to make your child win while adjusting the intensity of the game according to your child's acceptance level.
Exaggerated expressions and body movements, funny bragging, or funny frustrated expressions after failure are the keys to making the game more fun. (For details, please refer to the game teacher's practice in the video.) ）
Game: King of The Taming of Horses
Basic Gameplay:
Adults play as horses, kneeling on the bed, hands and knees on the ground, children riding on the backs of adults.
The horse shook back and forth in an attempt to throw the child away. The child strives to catch it and not be thrown away.
For a fixed period of time (15 seconds/30 seconds, which can be timed with music of the corresponding length and can also increase the joyful atmosphere), the child does not fall down and is considered to be tamed by the horse.
Note: Be sure not to let the child fall, if the child is about to fall, the adult should help it.
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Game: Chariot Siege
In the open space, each side built its own castle with yoga bricks or empty cardboard boxes, and the two castles were more than 2-3 meters apart.
Both sides crawled on their hands and knees, acting as chariots, squeezing each other apart with their bodies, protecting their castles while trying to knock down each other's castles.
The one who knocks down the opposing castle first wins.
One of the more important situations to discuss is —
When children repeatedly play the game of "hitting" or "killing", or frequently appear aggressive behavior in the game, it must reflect a lot of needs in the heart and should arouse our attention. It is likely that the child is accumulating a lot of angry emotions in his daily life for some reason.
If so, what does the child need most? Of course, these emotions are vented. Otherwise, it will accumulate more and more in the mind, like a bomb that is constantly filled with gunpowder, and it will really explode. The best way for children to safely vent their anger is also through play.
We suggest --
Do not block your child's play. Moreover, it is best for parents to join their children's games. Only by joining the child first can we find opportunities to further help and support the child.
"Together" first conveys our attention and support to our children. Secondly, only with the child, we can have the opportunity to help the child adjust the mood, but also have the opportunity to adjust the rhythm of the game in a timely manner, add a relaxed and interesting link, guide the child to vent the emotion in a safe and appropriate way, so that the child can get a relaxed and happy feeling in the game.
So, how to play it?
Each family's situation is different, the parents' status and acceptance of the game are different, we provide some directional advice:
Direction one: Let's play the role of the "masochist".
In line with the child's movements, shout: "Ahhh! My hand! Can't move my hand? My legs, my legs don't work either! Then with funny, stumbling motions, "frantically" walking around.
Direction two: Participate as a "bystander".
For example, you can be a narrator on the side, describing the game scene and the child's behavior in a relaxed and playful way. "Toy Minions today is really unlucky, met super flying ..."
In short, it doesn't matter what way to play, the key is to make the child feel that he can communicate with us in this way of playing, and we can also understand his expression. That's the most important thing.
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