In the past few years of writing work, whether it is an invitation to write a manuscript or an amateur book, the heaviest title is this.
Almost every day, I receive a large stack of such cries for help:
Help me, tell me how I can make him fall in love with me (again), how can I get him to change his mind? How can I bless him to love me forever? You know, without his love, I wouldn't be able to live a day.
Don't think that the people who make this kind of wailing are the "parasites" who rely on men to eat, and there are absolutely no such women, who have a unique temperament and personality, have unique insights and thinking, and in the work, even if they are not successful in their careers, they can be called independent. They don't live on men, they easily pay for everything, even by men. They talk to men on an equal footing on an economic basis, but emotionally tortured, they are vulnerable and helpless, they can arrange their work well, but they cannot arrange their feelings. The infinite scenery of the career is at the peak of danger, and the infinite hardship of the emotion is forced on the cliff.
When Zhang Ailing fell in love with Hu Lancheng, she was a woman with independent work, career independence, and economic independence, but she was still hit by love, she gave him a photo of herself, and wrote a sentence behind the photo: "When I saw him, she became very low and low, low to the dust, but her heart was happy, and flowers blossomed from the dust." ”
What I saw was that the flowers that bloomed in the dust could be trampled on by men's feet without lifting. It is no wonder that you first put dignity and personality obediently, tie your hands and grab, men naturally kick their noses on the face, climb up the pole, and take advantage of everything.
From the perspective of gender psychology, this is excusable, women are indeed emotionally disadvantaged, economic "independence" is easy to do, emotional independence is not easy to do, women's emotional dependence on men is caused by nature. Women are always more affectionate, affectionate and vulnerable. Especially when he entered the besieged city, he was dead set on it, and all he wanted was to live with him for a lifetime. Women and love, there is a feeling of fish and water, once the fish leaves the water, it is difficult to survive. And men have always been strong and rough, and the world has far more temptations for men than women, so it is mostly women who are emotionally hurt.
Of course, we cannot let things sink because of the reasons for it, and if we want to live comfortably and with dignity, we still have to fight for ourselves and seek spiritual self-reliance as much as possible.
(1) A woman's emotions should be independent
For women, emotional independence is more important than economic independence, because there has always been a difference between men and women, men are active in the material, but women live in the spirit. The spiritual world of a woman is an incomparably mysterious and incomparably rich seductive world. A woman's spiritual independence is a confirmation of herself. When a woman's spiritual world is dominated by others, this woman is very sad. A woman can build a beautiful kingdom in her own spiritual world, and when she proudly feels that she is the queen of this kingdom, she will find confidence in real life. A woman's spiritual independence is mainly reflected in the fact that her thinking is dominated by herself, rather than being led by others or blindly modifying her behavior for others. And women are emotional animals, women who are not emotionally independent cannot talk about spiritual independence, a sweet word from a man can send her to heaven, and a tired expression makes her fall into hell. Women in such an emotional state can only be controlled pawns.
Emotional independence is the true meaning of independence. Such a woman is like a brilliant rainbow, with colors that can reconcile the world; like a tall and flexible tree, it can hold up its own sky alone. Being an emotionally independent woman is sometimes harder than achieving a career, because it requires overcoming not only the traditional notions lurking in your bones, but also overcoming yourself in the face of happiness and temptation within reach.
Even if an emotionally independent woman marries a rich man, it is only the icing on the cake. Even if Mu Aihe enters the besieged city, it is only to make life more colorful, not to pursue the harbor of the soul. The spiritual world is infinitely wide, as long as a woman leaves an acre and a third field for a man in it, it is enough, the rest of the space is left to create her own world, when her own world is colorful, even if the man's field is deserted, what is the harm?
(2) Be free to accept love
Both men and women should strive to be a person who is willing to stay for long-term happiness. Even when we are in love, on the one hand, it seems that we can abandon the whole world, indulge in the world of two people, and completely enjoy the happiness of the indomitable infatuation; however, on the other hand, we also have to convey a message to the lover: Even if I love you so much that I will close my eyes and fall asleep, my dreams will remind me to lean against the tree on the edge of the cliff, which is the only way to avoid falling into the abyss without paying attention.
Don't blindly cling to it, this is the medicine of love. Time passes, but it is this mentality that allows women to maintain a consistent devotion to love, but also to maintain a consistent vigilance. We use this attitude to evoke positive interactions with our loved ones. Even if there are years of marital inertia dependence, when we ask ourselves, we dare to say to ourselves: In my life, there will be no emotional failures that collapse in the sky. We always have to have such a kind of "soldiers to block, water to cover up" spirit, life is left and right.
If we can do the above two points, it is as if we have an accident insurance for love, and we wish that we will never get the return of insurance, but we have been willing to continue to insure.
Security advice
Women, be a rose tree, not a rose.
What Mei Yanfang sang, I am a flower, blooming in red dust. Yes, women are flowers, born to bloom for love, and women win their own fragrance. However, women are to blossom on high branches, not down to dust. A woman wants to turn herself into a rose tree, and as long as the seasons are repeated, she can produce new flowers, rather than a rose that will wither after being picked.
Once a woman has such a psychological starting point, she can do the road without skill. Those little love techniques are the icing on the cake, because it is not a beautiful thing to send charcoal in the snow.
The article originated from Su Jin,"I Can Give Myself a Full Sense of Security," Modern Publishing House