Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 3 Career Choice: Listen to Your Own, Or Listen to Your Parents".
Text: Consulting voiceover (continued above)
Excessively blurred psychological boundaries are prone to parent-child conflict
It is difficult for a clean official to judge the affairs of the family, whether the parents are right for the sake of the child, or the child's pursuit of freedom and wisdom, it is difficult to judge right and wrong, because this cannot be determined by black and white thinking.
In the parent-child relationship, if the boundary between parents and children is too clear and rigid, such as "you decide your own affairs, my affairs do not need you to intervene", this parenting style will produce many problems. On the contrary, if the relationship between parents and children is too glued, speaking for a certain party, such as "I decide your business", will also bring trouble and conflict.
In a parent-child relationship, parents self-righteously believe that the child is a part of their own body, so that they can command at will. As everyone knows, children have always been independent individuals, not only physically, but also mentally. Especially in adolescence, children's self-awareness develops rapidly, and it is particularly important to respect and listen to children's ideas; Of course, vice versa.
Jiahui's father in this case also has a great change after respecting and listening to Jiahui's inner thoughts and her active exploration.
In counseling on family issues, counselors also need to understand the importance of individual counseling and communication and interaction among family members. Only such a multi-faceted approach can allow the inquirer to clarify his thinking and make decisions autonomously and enhance his ability to act.
How counseling helps people communicate their thoughts
In the process of consulting Jiahui, I did not explicitly support her father's idea, although as a person who came over, I could agree with many of his views. I just asked Jiahui not to dismiss what her father said. I tried to make her understand that perhaps it was because of her resistance that her father had forced her to go to law school even more forcefully.
On the other hand, I did not explicitly say that Jiahui's literary dream must be the most suitable for her, I just repeatedly discussed with her her personal strengths and interests, comparing the two career paths of journalism and law, which path can be smoother and which path can obtain greater self-satisfaction. In addition, I asked her to tell her father about these specific comparisons, so that he would realize Jiahui's great potential in literature and journalism.
In the process of consulting jiahui, I basically adopted the guiding ideology of "client therapy". Based on this, I not only believe that Jiahui is fully capable of choosing his own life path, but also believe that his father is a reasonable person.
While helping Jiahui to recognize herself, I also tried my best to make her get rid of her prejudices about her father, respect his wisdom in life, affirm his hard work, and actively communicate ideas with him.
In order to do these two things well, I have done many role-playing exercises with Jiahui, and I have played her and her father separately to show her how to communicate to get the best results. All of this was aimed at enhancing Jiahui's courage and skill in communicating with her parents, so that she finally persuaded her father to try journalism first and then make plans.
More importantly, through this consultation, I have taught Jiahui to respect and trust her father. This positive outlook on life also prompted her father to repay his daughter with sincerity.
As a result, Jiahui not only strengthened her career choice, but also enhanced her friendship with her father, which can really be described as killing two birds with one stone. But how hard it was to do this two-pronged thing! The reason why I was able to help Jiahui achieve such a happy ending was that I did not choose between the conflict between father and daughter.
This is not only the communication gain brought by psychological counseling to Jiahui, but also the wisdom that psychological counseling gives me.
My message to young people studying abroad
Finally, as someone who has studied, lived in the United States for many years, and has worked a lot, I would like to say that different people may have different understandings of whether America is heaven or hell. But for personal growth, the United States is indeed a place to hone people's ability to survive and adapt.
In the United States, there is no such thing as an absolute measure of success or failure. Pride and frustration, contentment and dissatisfaction, all depend on how the individual balances the relationship between gain and loss.
If one day, you also go there to study, study, live, work, don't forget that the essence of our Chinese is to bear hardships and stand hard work, not afraid of difficulties, no matter where you are, it is the same.
At the end of the day, the pie is mostly baked by itself, and you can't expect it to fall from the sky.
As long as you have such a psychological preparation, you will not fail.
Here, I bless you!
unscramble:
In this chapter, there are three titles and three contents, namely boundaries, communication, and effort.
We say that boundaries are not small problems, as large as national borders, provincial boundaries, and village boundaries, as small as people-to-people boundaries, family members' boundaries. The big boundaries are very clear, and the small boundaries are confused and confused, not indistinguishable, but considered indivisible. Just like this article says, how can blood relations be distinguished between parents and children? However, in reality, it is to be distinguished, not absolutely, but what should be distinguished must be clear, a bit of a detour? It's a little, think about it, nature is changing, the world is changing, genetics are also changing, because with changes, human society is progressing. Therefore, this generation and the next generation have changes in thinking and thinking, which requires our parents not to hold old ideas, and have boundaries with their children in some boundaries, as for that boundary, not to mention, but the boundary must be there.
My message to young people studying abroad, there is communication to communicate, communication should pay attention to methods, the method should be appropriate to produce trust, there is trust communication is smooth, smooth foreshadowing is no obstacle, many problems will be solved.
The moon on the earth is actually the same bright, all have clouds and clouds, and all have joys and sorrows. Human emotions, human perspectives on issues, although countries are different, always have a place of agreement. For example, we always value talents, look at kindness differently, and respect people like old cattle. If you have a different point of view, you can refute it. But I'm talking about relative, majority, individual exceptions. When studying abroad, intelligence, hard work, and humility are the stepping stones.
The author has benefited us a lot with his rich experience in studying abroad and consulting!
November 3, 2021 #Counselor said #