Wang Wenjuan, my idol when I was young

I once admired an actor, she was Wang Wenjuan, who played Lin Daiyu in the Yue opera movie "Dream of the Red Chamber".

At that time, when I was in middle school, my family was in decline, and the teenager was full of sorrow, so that I was too precocious, and the emotional world in my heart was surprisingly rich. At that time, the movie "Dream of the Red Chamber" was put on the town near us, and the image of Lin Daiyu's weak woman with low eyebrows and deep groaning had a deep resonance in my heart. That smile, a raised eyebrow, a grudge, a piece of hurt and a thin life, gave me an unforgettable impression, especially the cynical singing section of the long sigh when the flower was buried, which deeply shook my soul. I like Daiyu's demeanor, like her melancholy, like her inferiority, like her steps, like her low profile, especially like her elegant image of a clean and proud and beautiful lady.

I remember that I once wrote an essay: "Remembering grief and intoxicating the strings with tears, hating the west wind to ruthlessly destroy the jade furong", my teacher wrote several pages of comments after the text, and also wrote eight words on the eyebrows: "A piece of paper, full of talent." "I don't know that in my mind, I am in love with "Lin Daiyu". In my subconscious, what I admire is not the fictional Lin Daiyu in literary works, strictly speaking, Wang Wenjuan, who plays Lin Daiyu, and her Lin Daiyu is too good, or she has played Lin Daiyu alive. In fact, I can't tell whether I like Lin Daiyu or Wang Wenjuan who likes to play Lin Daiyu, anyway, since then I have collected photos of Wang Wenjuan everywhere, from the "Chasing Fish" played by her to all the Yue opera stills about her, as well as her every posture, every beauty, every eyebrow with a variety of styles, are treasured in one of my exquisite albums, that is, an ignorant teenager with a private nature of the album, accompanied by my youth and youth, her emotional eyes, jade carving-like face and body, Soft with a heart full of heart, all the time calling me a god.

There was a time when I always carried Wang Wenjuan's jade photo in my bag, like a treasure of destiny, and in the middle of the night, I would take out the photo alone at the head of the bed and savor her expression. At that time, there was no word for "chasing the stars", so I called it "chasing". I named a picture book containing Wang Wenjuan's photographs "Juan Ying Shi Xin", which still lies empty in a wide open space in my bookcase. It was a disastrous memory for me:

I was eighteen years old, to teach in a township middle school, my students are similar to my age, they often come to my house to chat, a graduated student stayed in my house for a night, the next morning woke up, I went to the side street to buy cigarettes, came back to see that the person has not quit, I immediately realized that there may be a problem, the first reaction is to rush to the cabinet to find my treasured Wang Wenjuan picture book, only to see the eyes full of wolves, my favorite jade photos have all been torn away, I was sad to beat my chest, You must know that it is the most private, purest and purest emotional crystal in my inner world! After that, I found out that my inner world was not so bad, because I learned that the student who stole my photos was also a Fan of Wang Wenjuan, and there were many young people who, like me, secretly liked Wang Wenjuan's stills! This may be the common characteristic of young people in that era: they like to be subtle, they do not like to be ostentatious, they like to be quiet, they do not love to be wandering; they accept humility, they do not accept arrogance, they love talent, they do not bluff... And these are just vividly reflected in Lin Daiyu, played by Wang Wenjuan.

In fact, the biggest simplicity and stupidity of teenagers is "chasing stars". Imagine that I was just a poor fifteen or sixteen-year-old student, and Wang Wenjuan was at least twenty or thirty years old, right? This kind of absurd complex of children admiring adults, when Wang Wenjuan knew, he might have to laugh forward and backward, right? Admiration is a magical path, and when you walk up, you are confused, full of red light, and when you come out, you are already in a state of confusion. I had this experience, and later I went to work in the news unit, and I also took the opportunity to run to the Shanghai Yue Theater on a business trip, and I wanted to witness Wang Wenjuan's appearance in the name of "interview" and have face-to-face contact and conversation with her, so that my star chasing would have a bright interpretation. Although I did not meet Wang Wenjuan, in 2005, my unit Anhui Satellite TV also asked Wang Wenjuan to do a program, I was one of the choreographers, at that time she was already eighty years old, still in good spirits, the wind was clear, the state was calm, but unfortunately with Shanghainese, a little difficult to understand.

In the blink of an eye, many years have passed, and when I heard the news of Wang Wenjuanxian's death, I couldn't help but feel sad and mixed feelings. Thinking of people in this life, no matter how successful or famous they are in the world, they will eventually wave goodbye to the world, and like Wang Wenjuan, who can deeply root the artistic image in the hearts of generations, not everyone can do it. Wang Wenjuan's artistic image is eternal!

Although I did not visit Wang Wenjuan alone, I met another person, who came to me from Wang Wenjuan's hometown, all the way to the city where I lived, and smiled in the space I imagined like "Wang Wenjuan" when I was young, so I followed her closely... I waited in my fantasy until another "Wang Wenjuan" of my own would arrive. Wait until the dream comes true, the pursuit and the ideal, everything returns to peace... (Liu Xiangru)