Text/Ye Xuxing
Today I saw a title on the Internet, about the reasons why middle-aged men dislike their wives, after reading it, I was suddenly uncomfortable. For a long time, women have always been the object of education, as if the success or failure of a marriage depends only on the woman, and the perfection of a parent-child relationship depends entirely on the mother.
It seems like everyone is telling women what to do and what not to do.
Men seem to be invisible.
The woman's personality, the woman's external image, the woman's everything is spread out on the big round table of marriage, any wind and grass in a marriage, the various details of the woman, will always become the reason for being provoked by the outside world.
In fact, all relationships are mutual.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" >1) external image</h1>
Women love beauty, yes.
But it would be a mistake to think that in the novelty of a marriage, it is only necessary to rely on the woman to maintain the external pleasing eyes.
Women are also visual animals, and watching men with a huge belly will also have no desire between men and women.
In the Japanese drama "Seeing Them, You Will Understand", there is a family outside the female protagonist, the woman earns money outside, the man takes care of the housework at home, and the female protagonist must go to have a drink after work to bring up the courage to go home.
Because she really has no sexual interest in her husband, her husband was a boxer before marriage, and after marriage, he became increasingly blessed.
However, in order to maintain the happiness of the marriage, the two agreed on a ceremony, that is, on the wedding anniversary, the woman had to give herself to the other party without reservation.
Unfortunately, seeing her untrimmed husband, she was extremely resistant to kissing before going out in the morning.
In marriage, if you can't do it, don't force the other party to do it. This is the minimum principle.
In a woman's thin belly, she has at least been pregnant and given birth to a child.
And in the stomach of a man who grows day by day, what else is there except wine and meat and big words?
If you want a beautiful appearance, the two of you make an appointment to exercise together every day, and why not have a simple sense of ceremony?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="116" >2) understand and support</h1>
For a long time, the expectations given to women have been multifaceted. Marriage, children, work, family environment, family atmosphere.
The expectations given to men are extremely monotonous. If you can make money, you can do it.
So, it creates a phenomenon in a family, as if only men have countless socializing and drinking.
Women, on the other hand, are on the move.
The question is, there are so many men's liquor bureaus, what exactly is the drink?
The strange thing is that in the frequent socializing of men, women ask what time to come back, and sometimes it is considered that they cannot give men understanding and support.
It's ridiculous.
Should people who say such things also ask the men in marriage whether they have given women the corresponding understanding and support?
When every woman gets married, she wants to build a harmonious and warm family.
No one gets married for annoyance and quarrels.
But what do women get when they get married?
A man who drinks frequently, a man who comes home and sits on the couch to brush small videos, a man who faces a double hand in the face of housework, a man who can't even coax children, but only pushes children to women.
Understanding and support is a good thing, and who wouldn't want to?
The man who came home after drinking, needed a glass of water.
Women who have been tired for a long time need the same.
Marriage, which should have been a warm care, has lost its original appearance over the years.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="117" >3) economic capacity</h1>
I know there is a question asking whether a woman should be a full-time housewife.
One answer tells about the change in my views on my husband after I went from being a full-time housewife to a working woman.
After her husband lost his job for a short time, she took care of housework at home, and when she returned to the workplace, she also wanted to do nothing after work every time.
Similarly, after entering the house, when you see a mess on the ground, you will also suppress the anger in your heart.
Seeing her husband sleeping during the day, he will also feel that he has not done anything all day long.
The economic base determines the superstructure, which is the most realistic rule in marriage.
Just as external images and understanding support are, the requirements for economic ability are mutual.
Men and women in this world are trapped in the stereotypes of the world, and on the other hand, they are subject to various gender labels.
In ordinary families, both men and women care about each other's income status.
The lower-income side is naturally expected to take more care of the family. If you can't do it, it is inevitable that you will feel disgusted.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="118" >4) marriage is a collaboration</h1>
Whether the initial starting point of marriage is from love or otherwise, anyone who enters marriage and wants to live this life well needs to complete it with the belief of cooperation.
Marriage should be a common effort between men and women.
Pay their respective economies, their own sincerity, their own beauty and kindness, and give each other warm nourishment, as well as support for growth.
A good marriage should be a warm expanse.
When Zhong Nanshan was young, he waited for 8 years in order to comply with the rules that his wife's basketball team could not marry early.
Two years after the marriage, the two were in a different place again, and his wife Li Shaofen gave up the opportunity to be a coach, gave Zhong Nanshan waiting and understanding, and went home to take care of everything.
Many years later, Zhong Nanshan was transferred back and the two were reunited.
Because of his heartache for his wife's years of efforts, Zhong Nanshan respected his wife's wishes and supported her return to basketball.
In marriage, no one has to cling to the inside or outside. Adjust to each other according to each other's needs and the needs of the family.
On the inside, give care and warmth; externally, respect the opportunities for each other's growth.
And too many of us in marriage, we only see our own desires, ignore each other's needs, full of sacrifice and take for granted.
This is the root cause of disgust in marriage.
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