Why are contemporary young people so afraid of falling behind their peers?

Little Buddha said

Do you feel pressured compared to your good peers? With the rise of social media, if you stay in touch with others, it's inevitable that you'll see some of your peers achieve. In fact, these dynamics also have benefits, and they can be a source of motivation for work and life. So how do you take advantage of its positive side without suffering the uneasiness it can cause?

Find the factors that trigger the stress

The pressure of feeling like you're lagging behind your peers can come in many forms. It can be short-lived, like hearing a boss praise another colleague, or it can be sustained, like watching a colleague say goodbye to a nine-to-five job and start their own business.

Think back to what exactly triggered your self-comparison. Does your boss's support for your colleagues make you feel inferior? Will a friend's achievements hit you? Do you regularly browse LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram and inevitably feel a strong sense of insecurity and loneliness? If yes, then you're not alone. Research shows that the use of social media exacerbates our inherent negative biases, and we focus more on negative experiences than positive ones.

It's important to pay attention to the things that motivate you to feel inferior to others, because once you realize that these things are triggers, you can turn them into opportunities for more productive results.

From passive introspection to conscious change

Once you feel like you're behind, you may give up all activities that cause uneasiness. But in general, this approach is neither reasonable nor practical.

For example, you may not be able to avoid hearing what your boss thinks of you or a co-worker. Also, even if you can leave your friends or stop using social media, you'll feel less and less likely to be alone. A better approach is to consciously make those feelings work in your favor.

For example, the next time you browse social media, ask yourself why you're doing this at this time. Is it because you're bored? If so, be intentionally entertained instead of judging yourself. Or, the next time you hear news of a colleague's career success and feel inferior to others, take a step back and observe your feelings without judgment. Then take the initiative to commit to looking at your peers' progress objectively, as if you were a journalist investigating their story, not someone who was directly competing with them.

If these activities make you feel uneasy, be sure to stay away for a while. But remember, you can approach them with the intention of learning. Instead of saying to yourself, "I wish I could do it (or have)," ask yourself, "Why can't I do it (or have)?" Then take a moment to listen to the ideas that come to mind.

Demonstrate personal strengths and regain recognition and motivation

During an outburst of intense uneasiness, you may start thinking about how you can catch up with others. At this time, you can achieve small success by taking small actions to rediscover your sense of self-efficacy. Go the extra mile on your core strengths, show them to the world, and use the approval of others to develop resilience.

One of the executives I trained was sad because he would have been promoted to senior vice president this year, but was delayed due to the outbreak. He fears that the opportunity to get the coveted position will slowly disappear, and he envies his peers at other companies who have successfully advanced before the crisis.

This negative state is unpleasant and may be detrimental to his performance this year. In order to break this state, he decided to use the strength of the past to survive: the talent to write. He wrote an in-depth article for the company's blog on how to weather the current crisis, which became the most clicked-through article the company has ever published. Many of his old and new colleagues thanked him for his sincere and optimistic guidance. This feedback, in turn, gives him confidence in his worth and increases the credibility of his leadership skills, so when the time comes, he will naturally be promoted.

Redefine your peer circle

When you compare yourself to a fixed group of peers, you're caught up in a zero-sum game where you're either ahead or behind. But by broadening your horizons and integrating into new, diverse peer groups, you'll think outside the box when you look at success and play to your strengths in new areas.

Jackie, the manager of a Fortune 100 company, has not had the opportunity to rise to the position of vice president in three years. She began to feel more and more desperate and trapped in her current predicament. Redesigning her work and changing her interactions with her colleagues wanted to find meaning and broaden her way of working, but she couldn't seem satisfied because she knew that the title of vice president was always out of her mind.

Realizing that she was always limiting her views to this small group of vice presidents, she began connecting with people outside the company and listening to them share her entrepreneurial values. Gradually, she reshaped herself. Despite falling behind her new peers who own her own company, she loves to learn from them. In this way, she not only eliminates the pain of self-comparison in the company, but also has the energy and motivation to re-evaluate her career aspirations.

Get rid of internalized expectations

You'll feel like you're lagging behind your peers in the actual competition, like seeing them get promoted at work. But there's also a more destructive mindset that leads to a perpetual sense of uneasiness: thinking that you should not only do better than your peers, but also get everything they want. This mindset creates a never-ending competition in which you can never enjoy what you have already gained. Your inner expectations of success will change as others desire them.

Many of my clients below the CEO level find themselves in this situation. Deep down, they don't want a lot of work pressure, but they always think they should do it because their peers are hungry for it. This mentality creates a situation where there is no way to win. If they don't pursue or get the title of CEO, they feel inferior to others. But if they do, they may feel trapped in a position they never really wanted.

Try to consider the possibility that everything you've chosen to do so far has been the right one, regardless of what you now think you should have done at the time. The mindfulness reminder goes like this: "The way is out on its own." "Don't overcomplicate your uneasiness by looking back at the past. Then, evaluate future decisions based on your values and whether those decisions provide opportunities for you to grow. Change direction based on the needs of others or what others have, and you will always be left behind and subject to your peers.

Any effort you make in your career and life will inevitably bring about all kinds of comparisons and uneasiness. But when you feel like you're behind someone else (whether it's true or not), you can use these strategies to regain confidence and stand out in the competition that really matters to you.

Keywords: self-management

Nihar Chhaya |

Nichal Chaya is an executive coach at global companies such as American Airlines, Coca-Cola, General Electric, and Dell. Chaya has previously served as Head of Talent Development for a Fortune 500 company and is currently President of PartnerExec, where he assists company leaders in mastering interpersonal skills to create exceptional business and strategic outcomes.