Document our lives

At this moment, all kinds of things from the past will always come to mind, there is hatred and contempt and curse, it is really disgusted to the extreme.........

In the early autumn of 2018, I met the child's father, maybe for many years in a foreign country, let myself feel that I was a native, the culture and language were easier to communicate with, confused and in love, in the winter, he needed to pay back because of domestic house loans and other problems, although I was reluctant, but I felt that it was okay to help a little, turned 400,000 yen, slowly I found that he always had debts, when I planned to break up, I was pregnant, anyway, the story was very old-fashioned, or married, lived a life, my mother also came to Japan to take care of me, Because the epidemic mother stayed here for a year and four months, first of all, about this man's work, nurse, the earliest a month 200,000-220,000, no savings, nothing but foreign debt, I rent a house, I take money to move, household appliances, give birth to children, children use, are to see my money, every month he deducts the room rate, he will always find various reasons, the remaining money into RMB, the so-called debt repayment, you may say that it will not let him ah, from pregnancy began to quarrel, after giving birth to the child also do not noisy, He just would rather always do this than give up, I really quarreled to the stomach always tight pain, angry that the wall of the home was smashed, and then I gave up, thinking about going to work after giving birth, it was good, it was just a few months, afraid that premature birth was not good for the child.

The child was born, the epidemic came out, every day I live tightly, because I don't know when I work, he still occasionally pays back, or to bring a friend to buy a camera to spend 100,000 yen, the other party gives him RMB, or he has a problem with his tongue must do surgery, spend 100,000, buy clothes every month, soccer shoes, never willing to buy anything for me and the child, I have no clothes to wear after giving birth to the child, he does not want to, because he is not willing to spend money to buy, when I know, white water bubble rice, everything to deal with, I was reluctant to spend money on clothes, and now I am willing to give up everything... Dry tired, really tired, there is a kind of want to give up the idea, look at the child to see their mother, feel that even if I give up to kill him first, at least can not drag my daughter later, my mother always persuades me, she knows that I can't hold on, the child is still small, and rushed to the epidemic can not go back, it is really difficult ... ...

After my mother returned home, he always quarreled with me, every quarrel was always selected next to the child, he knew that I did not want the child to grow up in the quarrel, forced me to have no way to go, people reached the wish of the salary card to go back, only give the baby 50,000 yen per month, we ate each other, I found an hourly worker near home, sent the child to the nursery in the morning, hurried to work, after work while walking while eating a rice ball to pick up the child, the first meal of the day is like this, to cook for the child at home, For the child does not feel the unpleasantness of the adult, I will also make him a dish or something, at this time he is happy after work, calm two months, finally, he does not want to see the child, but also wants the child to go to the nursery, we quarreled, countless times before, the child is still in his arms, I did not say anything to say that you let go, I can go, I am still worried about the child, because the cold is not good, the insurance certificate is in me, I waited for my sister-in-law to come, I sent the insurance certificate back, and brought out the cat I raised, Because I found out that he would bully my cat, and finally he held the child and chased it out, let me roll and don't come back, I couldn't bear it, I scolded him for being disabled and deaf, the whole family was not good to die, and finally he punched me, I was crazy like I wanted to kill him, called the police, because he was the first to do it, so I successfully took the child with me, protected by the law, the police and police translators found that I was telling the truth, the refrigerator at home was obviously divided into two compartments, the above look was the child and the adult, the next look was the single dog, Normal so big refrigerator should be three blocks, such an unsupportable man is very despised by others, in front of the police how he showed how reluctant to give up the child, but he forgot, he is going to lie to work to send the child to the nursery, in japan nursery is a welfare, husband and wife have a rest can not send the child to go.

I took the child from April to now, from the sister's family to the sister's family, a person to work to take care of the child, sick off work, a little bit of ability, thinking about renting a house, so that at least the child and I can temporarily settle down, the brother-in-law helped to find a place, said that it is not necessary to spend money, do not know why, I will want to cry, I do not seem to give the child what is so young to follow me drifting around, so hateful, understand those mothers who jumped off the building, said that it is better to die than to live, the mother takes care of the child, gets up early to cook, goes to work to make money, Clean up the housework, the first meal of the day is basically noon afternoon or dinner, after writing these, it may be better!