Wen / Professor Huo Taohan
From the level of "affection", it does not necessarily stop at appreciation or like, but develops into communication and resonance. Especially if the object you admire is a person, it is a life, and you prefer to communicate with it. Although the essence of love is in the "sex" of life, its manifestation is after all in "communication". I have said it many times on other occasions, and I'll skip it here. But "passing" does not necessarily produce possession, but can be shared. If the meaning of affection can be understood in this way, then affection is only a manifestation of the outward sensitivity of man's own mind, and it is possible to react without regard to the object or others. If so, love does not constitute pressure on people, only good, because it is natural.
Love is not. Relatively speaking, love is much stronger and warmer. To love each other is to want the other person to know, to want the other person to understand, to think that the other person has a response; at least, you are so expectant. However, it is precisely because there are expectations, so love will have a certain pressure, and for the other party, there is also a certain burden. If not handled properly, it can cause harm. The Song dynasty poet Li Zhiyi has a word that goes like this:
I didn't see it and thought about it, and I saw it still. In order to ask frequently, how can we look like keeping each other? The sky is not old, the people are not puppets, and this hatred is divided into the front willows of the court.
When you can't see each other, you think about it and think about each other very much, but when you meet, you can't exit. There may be too much to say, but you don't know where to start; you are afraid of saying the wrong thing and giving the other party a bad impression; and more importantly, you must cherish the opportunity and make the other party happy. As a result, I thought too much and couldn't say anything. "If we often see each other like this, why don't we form an alliance together and keep each other in the future? But "the sky is not old, the people are not even", perhaps the fate has not arrived, it is always difficult to dream, and the inner sorrow has to be placed on the willow tree in front of the court. It can be seen that loving each other will require something, and the so-called "leisurely and leisurely, tossing and turning" of the Book of Poetry is full of sorrow and lingering. Why? It is because of love that if there is love, we hope that the other party will also love themselves. "Intoxicating taste, really as strong as wine", the demand for love is very strong, like old wine, sweet into the intestines, intoxicating, can not be solved, can not be dissolved. The difference between love and love may lie here.
The realm of love
Why? Because of the giving of love, expecting a response, hoping to communicate with each other, not limited to self-gratification. From the perspective of the development of love, the addition of love to the requirements of the self may be the beginning of love. The giving of pure feelings does not necessarily develop into love; even if there is communication between the two parties, it does not necessarily develop into love, the key is to sink too deep into this feeling, and even hope to fully possess this feeling, and not allow others to touch it, so there is love. This kind of love arises in the misconception that this feeling is completely provided by the other party, so it is attached to it, and even completely invisible to other pathways, becoming a closed state. The object of love, that is, the object of love, becomes the only one.
If the two sides come to this point, the exchange of feelings between the two lives is not only the exchange of feelings, but the exchange of the whole life. Two originally different individuals, with different backgrounds, personalities, ideas... in other words, two unique individuals, through love, through love, hope to be able to unite with each other. As in Greek mythology, love is about finding your "other half" so that two lives are complete, unified, and one identity. It is also like the "symbiotic bird" of Buddhist mythology, which is inseparable. This is the highest state of marriage: the dissolution of the uniqueness of the lives of two different individuals, in the simplest terms, two people becoming one. But is it possible in reality that such a realm is possible?
No! Because for modern people, it is difficult to say that personality, temperament, growth background, knowledge and profession are difficult to be consistent, but more importantly, modern people's self-awareness is particularly strong. Modern people attach great importance to their rights, everyone must reserve their own space, protect their freedom, and then use some beautiful words, such as "fairness" and "human rights" to package this self-consciousness, but did not think that this will hinder the payment of their feelings, making the emotional foundation between people more fragile. Many couples in Europe and the United States have a very clear distinction between arranging work and housework: on Mondays, thirds, and fifths, husbands sweep the floor, and the second, fourth, and sixth wives sweep the floor; you have a hukou, I have a hukou, and they don't ask each other. The housework is clearly divided, the property is clearly divided, and the result must be that the feelings are also clearly divided in the end: some part can communicate with you, and some part is left to me. The same is true of the time: this night is yours, that day is mine. Such a distinction, on the surface is mutual respect, in essence is to retain the self, where is the space for feelings to grow? The distance of love turns out to be farther and farther away, and the distance can only cause a rupture in the end. Marriage is two originally different people, to be united, to achieve a whole, a "union". But by what is the achievement of this "union"? By wealth? Living on a home? By division of labor? Psychological need for each other? By legal marriage? ...... If there is no deep affection in the middle, then marriage is just a form, far from the original ideal. According to the philosophy of love mentioned above: love must be one, but before this unity is understood, it has dismembered the trivialities and differences in character in life, and if you do not think of some ways in social culture, but blindly provide personal rights, freedom of choice and other things, it is even more unimaginable. This may be why the number of divorces in modern society has skyrocketed.
It can be seen that whether it is love or love, it is necessary to have a proper culture to cultivate. If we turn love into possession, the ego that hides behind love must be very strong, and love becomes domination, which naturally contradicts the individualism of modern culture. Because everyone has his space, it is impossible to merge into one. "One" requires physical spiritual support, and the "other half" and the "symbiotic bird" mentioned above can never preserve oneself on the one hand and be one with others on the other.