Just got back from the hospital. The sister-in-law of the third uncle's family was hospitalized, somewhat similar to heart disease, and the doctor said that it was a neurosis.
The sister-in-law said that she was driven crazy by the whole family. His son XiaoLei did not want to write homework, so he stuffed his summer vacation homework into a waste paper bag, and after that, the entire book in the bag was sold by Uncle San. But the third uncle helped Xiao Lei to hide the truth, until the sister-in-law took out the homework book that had been sold, and the third uncle bowed his head and returned to his house.
The sister-in-law was angry. If it wasn't for the downstairs neighbor to help get back the homework book, I'm afraid she wouldn't have known that Xiao Lei was so "arrogant". She cried with her brother, and the brother didn't react. This was impossible to settle accounts with his father-in-law, so he had to spray all the firepower on Xiao Lei.
When the brother found her, she was already trembling, sitting there breathless, so he called 120 and took her to the hospital. This is the second time my sister-in-law has been hospitalized this year. It is also because of Xiao Lei's study, and there is also the shadow of the third uncle.
The pain of disciplining children meets the love of the next generation, and this pain is really inexplicable.
The sister-in-law said that she was feeling more and more depressed now, obviously the third uncle was not right, but there was no one in the family to support her, and sometimes she wanted to leave.
I sympathize with my sister-in-law. Conflicts with her son, conflicts with her father-in-law, and conflicts and repressions brought about by her brother's neglect have formed a destructive force that makes her feel helpless in life.
This has to remind me of a book called Our Inner Conflict.
What if we run into conflict? Fool yourself, maintain the status quo or cheer up and change your life?
Our Inner Conflict is a book that adjusts and reflects on the heart. It is worth mentioning that its author is a female psychologist named Karen.
She was a pivotal figure in the development of psychoanalytic doctrine. In the study of psychological problems, more attention is paid to the influence of external cultural environment and interpersonal relationships on people, and the development trend of personality is analyzed from the perspective of women, and methods and viewpoints of personality improvement are proposed. This is different from other psychologists.
You may say: This book I know, is a book to deal with neurotics, it is of no use to me, right? I don't have neurosis!
Don't worry, let's clarify first, neuroses are not neuroses.
Neurosis, formerly known as neurosis, includes neurasthenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder, phobia, somatic form disorder, etc., and there will be headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, frequent breathlessness, and no symptoms of disease in the hospital.
Like when we encounter stress, we feel like chest tightness, shortness of breath, bad sleep, and confusion?
Karen believes that the most obvious difference between the two is that normal people can control their emotions and make trade-offs in the face of conflict; while neurotics
When choosing, you will be overwhelmed and can only passively listen to the arrangement of fate. If ordinary people do not pay attention to mental adjustment, they are likely to become psychopaths.
Knowing that conflict management is a key element that distinguishes normal people from neurotics, let's look at how conflict arises and what consequences it will bring to life if it is allowed to develop.
Because each person's growth characteristics and life environment are different, different thinking and mood will be formed, which will induce different behavioral tendencies.
Karen's investigation found that these behavioral tendencies eventually form three personalities: "obedience", "resistance", and "alienation".
Submissive: Naturally dependent on others, they put the needs of others before their own. Just like my sister-in-law, she cares a lot about other people's opinions, even if she is right, she does not dare to insist on her own opinions.
Resistant: This is the opposite of the previous type. They believe that Moscow does not believe in tears and cannot tolerate conflict in its heart. Mitch in the movie "Born To Kill" is such a person, after his family has been violated and killed, he no longer believes in the world, and has done a lot of anti-social and shocking events. A thought of becoming a demon may be the ultimate portrayal of such a type of person.
Alienated: They tend to stay away from crowds. I don't want to be attached to others, I don't want to fight with people, I want to live in my own world. Like Holt in "The Catcher in the Rye", he is bent on escaping from the hypocritical world of adulthood, but in order to take care of his sister, he can only live in the state of mind of protecting his sister.
From this book, all three personalities are undesirable. If you can't realize your mistakes and don't know how to correct your behavior, you will make your life have bad results.
For example, she is afraid that someone will break the balance; in order to cope with the endless internal conflicts, she has symptoms of personality failure; some people may lose self-confidence and motivation for life and fall into despair; some people will become "I am not good and can not see you well" people, using retaliatory social behavior to alleviate their psychological problems.
You see, if the inner conflict cannot be reconciled, how terrible the problem will eventually arise!
If you are unfortunate enough to become a neurotic, don't worry, next, let's study together, is there any way to alleviate or cure the disease.
Karen said: Any kind of neurosis is essentially a personality disorder that requires intensive psychoanalysis and treatment.
In her opinion, it is not difficult to cure patients and improve personality. To this end, she summarizes three steps in this book, and these three steps can be used as references by normal people to achieve their own personality perfection.
First, understand the efforts made by neurotics and the impact of these behaviors on their lives.
The best way to treat them is to make them change their thinking, to understand that Bai has limited the early connection between this life, to know that they have responsibility to society, including making themselves better and stronger, and bringing beauty to those around them.
Tell them that conflict has had a serious impact on their lives and make them realize they should change.
Only by making up your mind to change and put it into action can life become better because of change.
Third, awaken the source of inner feelings and realize the integrity of inner personality.
This also tells friends who want to improve their personality that they must clarify their goals, formulate relevant steps, refuse the interference of neurotic elements, and ultimately build their own excellent personality.
How to refuse the interference of neurotic elements, just start by reading this book!