Wen | the original diary of The Little Fish Daddy, welcome to forward and share personally
She was the youngest violin soloist ever, a genius carefully nurtured by her mother, and was admitted to the Royal Conservatory of Music at the age of 11. However, this Chinese girl who was once popular all over the world resolutely chose to break with the "tiger mother" after becoming an adult, and this hatred was hated for 20 years, and people did not forgive their mother when they reached middle age.
Some people may think that this child is ungrateful and too willful? But if you understand her experience, you will appreciate how difficult and "suffocating" her growth has been.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" > why did the violin genius girl break with her mother? </h1>
The girl's name is Chen Mei, a smart girl with a persistent love for skiing, but her mother feels that skiing is a sport that deviates from freedom and music, and throws a sentence at her: "If you don't practice the violin well, you are useless in my eyes, and it is nothing to me." ”
Chen Mei's mother is definitely a successful person, a high-paid lawyer herself, a pianist, not only good-looking but also very talented.
But unlike her second British husband, who thinks that her children can grow up happily, she is extremely demanding of her children, and she is a veritable "tiger mother".
Chen Mei began to learn piano at the age of three, switched to violin at the age of five, and practiced for more than 5 hours almost every day.
In order to let Chen Mei practice more time, her mother took the initiative and adjusted her school time, and the days that should have been studying and playing with her classmates in school were occupied by the violin private tutor.
Chen Mei can appear very few times in the school, and even the teacher thinks that Chen Mei really exists.
In order to better supervise Chen Mei to practice the piano, her mother also quit her job as a lawyer, made a bed for her, cooked for him, and took care of all of Chen Mei's diet and living.
As a result, Chen Mei, who is already in her 20s, has no time of her own, and she will not take care of herself, just like a machine learning violin, the outside world has nothing to do with her, and Chen Mei herself said: "I should not have a life that has nothing to do with music." ”
In addition, her mother's strict supervision is commonplace, and from time to time she will slap her, and even when Chen Mei has made a mistake in practicing the piano, she must kneel down and apologize, and her mother will hold her ear and hold it, making her very uncomfortable.
However, such a high-pressure environment has indeed allowed Chen Mei to win countless honors, participating in various competitions at a young age, and playing the violin on the stage at the age of 16, with unlimited scenery.
"I thank my mother for giving me a high-pressure environment, my honor is cultivated by my mother, and I need encouragement and pressure to wait for the flowers to bloom, otherwise how can I blossom and bear fruit?" Chen Mei said this on stage.
But deep down in her heart, she still couldn't let go of her mother's behavior, so after her mother repeatedly obstructed her from practicing skiing, she chose to explode, left her mother's side, and decided not to play the violin for the rest of her life.
After that, she went straight to skiing, and although she almost finished every time she skied, she was still very happy because that was her real childhood dream.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" > "tiger mother" is not impossible, but it must be measured</h1>
In fact, there are many "tiger mothers" in real life, and some of them have really helped children achieve success. But those tiger mothers who can still maintain a good relationship with their children usually really start from the perspective of their children and play their "tiger strength" in a timely manner.
Willing to show their authority can be, but also to give the child relative freedom, not everything must be a big package, you can be more demanding of the child, but also to give the child methods and experience, not a mind is control.
Letting go and allowing children to explore and provide effective experiences when needed is actually a preferable approach.
Not only that, the tiger mother should also pass on her self-confidence to the child, give him the opportunity to encourage and repeatedly do things, do more times to have experience, the child will also have progress.
Just like Cai Mei'er, the author of the book "Tiger Mother War Song", she often tells her children: "Since others can, then you can also, believe in your own ability, and work hard to have good results." ”
Her eldest daughter and younger daughter were admitted to Harvard University, one is a graduate student, one is studying art history, both have a cheerful personality, can speak, optimistic and positive, and the mother-daughter relationship is very good, it can be said that it is a happy child under the high-quality tiger mother parenting method.
Cai Mei'er said: There is a type of child who must also often supervise, and even exert their own authority, such as the kind of children who often procrastinate and are willing to be led by teachers and parents, they can supervise and prompt more.
But to give the child spiritual freedom, at least let her choose the aspects that interest her, and then the chicken baby. We also take a "high response" approach to children's complaints and feedback.
In fact, it is not that children can't do it, but some parents don't find their roles, always want to control everything about their children, and end up getting nothing.
As a parent, you should be relaxed, have love and rules, and become a high-quality "tiger mother" in order to cultivate outstanding "little geniuses".