Eighteen pages after "Incense"

I became a broadcaster.

What has been delusional to do, longing, in fact, is false, imagination is difficult to set, fantasy is today's yesterday yellow flower. The result that was ahead of me I later learned that I had passive or did not know why, with later Han Swimming. To believe in the simplicity of the earth, as many of your own visions have begun to be forgotten.

Turn right into the office building and go up to the second floor facing one of my offices. There is a row of bookcases on the north side, and people with book cards often come to change books. At the south door was a broadcast machine, and I started playing radio, music, and news every morning at five o'clock. Two hours, too at night. The big horn was at the top of the four floors. On the morning of the green brush, the night of the black grunt, I tuned to the highest note, and as soon as it was turned on, it exploded, like a crowd of people singing passionately outward inside. Seven or eight miles away, it was spread all over the place, like a great happy event, such an atmosphere, and the poultry in the house jumped around with joy. People's mood is agitated, especially when walking on the road, the commotion that cannot be contained. Later, the people in the family area said that it was too noisy, and the sound was just fragrant, and then the voice became quieter. Next to it was the printer, the lead block, pressing down like a monkey jumping onto the roller above, and then the desk. Years later, I have to say that there is a bed against the wall, which is extraordinary. The faint, ruined bed of time, once had the pessimistic shadow of Thunder, I remembered its appearance for eternity, always wanted to give it some meaning, in this long time later.

Window, you can directly see the blurred direction of the road, easy not to look, in the end to see what is the problem, dust ah! It's hazy inside and out, and the flying is heavy. I can't see the color of the sky, it is difficult to maintain people's judgment on sunny days, and there are some promised places on rainy days, which is quite reasonable. It is that the surrounding plants are worried about no way, they can grow, from the beginning to the end, in the past, young, green gray, gray green, gray black, are all on top of them, helpless to give birth, life tenacious. The window, which continued to look, was more gray, gray in one larger: the cement plant.

This Sunday, my brother and I rode our bikes to the collective house, where my luggage was still there. Go in the afternoon, there were few people at that time. Came in and packed up the quilt, a small box, five minutes, and came out and left. I didn't even look closely at the house where I lived, I lived here for a year, and so many thoughts fell on it! I'm in tears now, I miss the people there, I miss that strange place, the melancholy sunset of winter...

My brother and I pushed the bicycle, someone in the back was talking, it should be Wang Feng, I didn't look back, didn't hear the same, just when there was no sound, didn't rise at all, and sped up the pace. Because my brother was pushing the bike in the back for fun, I ran, the car was full of luggage and turmoil, my brother laughed, and I ran.

During the week of work, the metallurgical system held a general meeting in our auditorium. My job is to give a welcome speech, and the leader tells me to start as soon as I hear the gong and drum ringing. I was alone, sitting in front of the sluggish megaphone, the walls white, with the manuscript in my hand, without concern. Whether or not I hear what I'm saying has little to do with me. At this time, I practiced a sentence, not good, my voice is impatient. Boom, the gong and drum sounded, I straightened the waist plate, natural pretense, the voice increased by more than an octave, and full of feelings; welcome leaders, welcome leaders to visit our factory, after repeating several times, I am even more high and excited, like irreversible. The leaders came in and said they were all in the auditorium. The leader looked at me and said, "Good, good, good." A smiling leader, Uncle Xu. I came out at noon, and it was time for the two dozen or so departments to have lunch, and they all saw me, and they all looked at me and smiled, and held out their thumbs, well, good, good, promising.

I was really happy at that moment, so I had a future. The future, literally, is that the road ahead has a bright and far-reaching future. I have a future, all this is said, my neighbors praise me, and my mother has a smile on her face that I have not seen for a long time. But how bright the road ahead is, I can't think of it, what is the real future?

The next day I had to go home to farm, my father changed the loess soil of his own land to black soil, my father said it was best to grow potatoes, my mother and sister were planing the ground, and my mother was nagging my father. On the third day, I went to the big steamer to get a lunch box, I couldn't go to the canteen to cook, it was too expensive, and my mother brought me pickles that were delicious.

I sell movie tickets at the gate, and whoever sees me praises me a few words; it's so good-looking, how can you be so white, like the fresh girl in the movie, quiet and natural. It doesn't make sense that everyone says that. You see, she didn't wear lipstick and was even more red, it was a red cherry. Moisturize your skin! Well, I'm not fooling myself. I looked in the mirror, I looked at me, I looked at each other, I didn't get bored, I started again, I didn't tire of it, the day was over: it was beautiful—slowly I thought of men, there was a desire to talk about it, inch by inch, I wanted someone to like me, like a galloping horse, a fast horse. By this time I was already plump, watching myself, no eyes fluttering over, not waiting! When I think of this place, the people here, there are few, long! No, there is no goal, and I can't think of it.

And then I'll take this for a long time. Summer is coming, like a big summer, the color is the color of summer, bright white.

to be continued

2021.10.31