The Analects: There is love and righteousness and life 15-8

Zi Yue: "You can speak with words but not with them, and you lose people; you cannot talk with words and words with words, and you cannot speak with words." He who knows does not lose his word, nor does he lose his word. ”

The Master said, "If you can talk to him directly but not speak, you will lose this person (by missing the opportunity to elevate others, and eventually) you will lose this person; if you cannot talk to him directly but talk to him, you will lose your speech." Wise men are good at losing people, and they don't lose their words. ”

The "Zuo Biography" records: "There is merit in taishang, followed by meritorious service, and secondly there is a promise, although it has not been abolished for a long time, this is called the three immortals." "Standing up for virtue" means establishing lofty morality; "making meritorious service" means establishing merit for the country and the people; and "making a speech" means putting forward speech with true insight. Although these three have not been abolished for a long time, they have been passed down for hundreds of years. It can be seen that people attach great importance to "speech" at the time.

In the Analects, the word "yan" appears more than 100 times, mostly used as a verb, that is, to express speech, when used as a noun, it means speech, speech, etc., and sometimes "one word" can be used to refer to a sentence, for example, Zigong asked the teacher: "Who has a word and can do it for life?" Confucius replied, "Forgiveness." (The Analects of Wei Linggong)

Among the four disciplines of Confucius, the Virtue Branch ranked first, and the more famous disciples were Yan Yuan, Min Ziqian, Ran Boniu, and Zhonggong; the second was the Speech Department, and the famous disciples were Zai I and Zi Gong; the third was the Political Affairs Department, where famous disciples included Ran You and Ji Lu; and finally the Liberal Arts Department, where Zi You and Zi Xia were more outstanding disciples. As soon as we look at it, it is also very important that the department of speech ranks second after the department of virtue. To see if a person has a level, in addition to looking at virtue, it depends on whether he can speak.

What needs to be explained here is that being able to speak doesn't mean how wonderful your words are, no! The most important thing is whether you know when you say it, whether it is appropriate to speak inappropriately, which is what we usually call the middle way.

Zi Yue: "You can talk with words but not with them, and you lose people." ”

Confucius set up four disciplines, such as virtue, speech, political affairs, and literature, and asked his disciples to start from one word and one deed, practice etiquette, be cautious in words and deeds, and continuously improve their personal moral cultivation.

"Can be said" can be understood as "fellow believers".

Here, Confucius said; you have met a man who can talk directly to him without saying, why? There are two aspects that need to be explained: First, you are not a wise person, you have no art of knowing people. As the saying goes, "a hundred years of cultivation to cross the same boat, a thousand years to cultivate to sleep together", the encounter between people is fate, not to mention that you meet a fellow traveler! The correct approach should be to have a good discussion with him about moral cultivation, in the words of Confucius, "teach people tirelessly", so that fellow practitioners or "people who can speak with words" can improve their moral cultivation with your help; these two, it is your time to promote the Tao, you do not grasp well, when you say it, you do not say, others think that you and him are not on the same channel, naturally you will miss the great opportunity for communication. "Lost people" is understood as a missed opportunity to improve others, and it feels more comfortable!

When you meet a person who can talk, it means that others are on the same channel as you, you have to be proactive in communicating with others, if you do not speak, others will naturally slowly alienate you, so that the result will eventually lose this person. The Zhongyong records that "the Tao is not far from the people." The "Tao" is the Way of the Middle, and the meaning of this phrase is that the "Tao" does not exclude anyone. You understand the "Tao", and while you cultivate this "Tao", you must also actively promote the Dao, guide people with connections to the "Tao", and constantly strive to improve your own cognitive level and ethical level of social people.

Here, we can see that Confucius's education of disciples is a positive communication mentality, not like some people's so-called Confucians from an early age to teach people to be wise and self-protective, and they dare not say anything, because "disaster comes out of the mouth"!

There are also examples in Chinese history of crimes that have been convicted of a single sentence, such as the Ming Dynasty's great Confucian Fang Xiaoru. At that time, Ming Chengzu Zhu Di successfully seized the throne and asked him to write an edict of succession. Fang Xiaoru not only did not agree, but directly broke his mouth and scolded. Ming Chengzu suppressed his anger and frightened Fang Xiaoru, "Aren't you afraid of me attacking the Nine Tribes?" Who would have thought that this Fang Xiaoru also immediately answered, "What can the Ten Clans do?" "Just think, Fang Xiaoru still talks like this in front of the emperor, isn't this looking for death?" Ming Chengzu said, "Well, then I will curse you Ten Tribes!" ”

In ancient times, there were rules for the nine tribes: four clans of the father (one's own clan, one family of married aunts, one family of married sisters, and one family of married daughters), three clans of mothers (one clan of maternal grandfathers, one clan of maternal grandmothers, and one clan of aunts), and two clans of wives (one clan of fathers-in-law and one clan of mothers-in-law). The Nine Clans can be said, but Ming Chengzu said that the Ten Clans of Xiao Fang Filial Piety, everyone does not know it? But the Emperor's holy will must be carried out! In the end, they designated fang xiaoru's students and disciples as the tenth clan, and killed them for seven days at once, killing a total of eight hundred and seventy-three people.

As the saying goes, "I'd rather eat the first meal than talk about the head." "Because of the words of anger, people will hurt themselves and hurt others." From this point of view, Fang Xiaoru's approach is not clever, it is because of his words, so many people have died, why bother? Talking and doing things pay attention to moderation, which is the highest state of doing things.

Zi Yue: "Do not speak with words, and lose your word." ”

In contrast to the previous sentence, the "unspoken" here is equivalent to "the one who is different from the Tao", as the saying goes; the Tao is different, it is not a conspiracy! You can't talk to him directly, but you talk to him, and the result can only be a gaffe. First, for those who should not have said to him, and went to talk to him, the result can only be to play the piano to the cow, others did not hear a word in the heart, or did not understand a sentence, the speech has no effect; second, it may be "Show only met the soldier - there is no reason to say clearly." Xiu cai solves problems by reasoning and discussing right and wrong; while those who are soldiers carry out the orders of their superiors and use force to solve problems. The two are not on the same channel, and it is also nonsense to say.

What a person should not say, but you say, what is it? Is this called unobstructed mouth and fearlessness? This is not just a "gaffe", but also the potential to lose lives.

The father of the Sui Dynasty general He Ruobi, He Ruodun, was a Northern Zhou general who had made great contributions, but because of his complaints about the unfair rewards of the imperial court, he was forced to commit suicide by the powerful minister Yuwen Hu. Before dying, he said to He Ruobi, "I died because of the misfortune of my tongue, you must remember!" In order to let his son remember, he stabbed He Ruobi's tongue with an awl to bleed. At the beginning, He Ruobi was still able to remember his father's last words and keep his mouth shut when things happened. Later, after a long time, it can be said that "the scar forgot the pain", He Ruobi began to be proud of himself and forgot his father's admonition. In 607, He Ruobi accompanied the Sui Emperor Yang Guangbei on a tour to Yulin. Yang Guang, who was very happy, ordered his men to build a large tent that could accommodate thousands of people to receive the Turkic Qimin Khan and his people. It is reasonable to say that this matter has nothing to do with He Ruobi, but He Ruobi commented on it and made random comments, and as a result, he was denounced. The Sui Emperor Yang Guang, enraged, killed He Ruobi.

The Song Dynasty historian Xu Jun once wrote a poem commenting on this matter: "Nai Weng Yong's words are sad, and it is determined that Jiangnan vice-president is in the future." Keeping the mouth has not finally died of the tongue, how to forget the time of the thorn cone. ”

Be careful in your words and deeds, do not cause trouble; think carefully and relax. How nice!

Yang Xiu, who loves to be in the limelight and shows himself, is to die by himself.

Once, Cao Cao arranged for someone to build a new garden, and after the garden was built, Cao Cao read it, took a pen and wrote a living word on the door, and left. Everyone doesn't know what this means? After Yang Xiu learned of this, he said: The door is written alive, that is, it is wide, and Cao Cao feels that the door of this garden is too narrow and not grand enough. Cao Cao waited for everyone to ask about it, and as a result, Yang Xiu said it, and Cao Cao was not very happy in his heart. The most damning thing is that Yang Xiu doesn't know how to converge. Once, when he heard Cao Cao use "chicken ribs" as a military order, he began to pack his bags, and others asked him why? He said: The military order "chicken ribs" are tasteless and it is a pity to abandon them. This battle can't be won, don't fight, and feel reluctant. It shows that Cao Cao wants to withdraw his troops, and everyone is busy packing up their things and withdrawing their troops as soon as they hear it makes sense. Cao Cao saw that everyone was busy packing their bags, and asked, it was Yang Xiu who caused the trouble, and this was repaid! Yang Xiu's death was inevitable. Yang Xiu's story tells us that a person should not be arrogant and arrogant, nor should he show off his wisdom, but should know how to judge the hour and size up the situation.

Zi Yue: "He who knows does not lose man, nor does he lose his word." Confucius said, "It is not bad to lose people, but it is not a loss of words." ”

"Knowing" appears more than fifty times in the Analects, of which "knower" appears five times.

"The benevolent one is kind, and the wise one is beneficial." (The Analects of Li Ren) (Benevolent people are content with benevolence, and wise people know that benevolence is beneficial to themselves before they practice benevolence.) ）

"The knower enjoys the water, the benevolent leshan; the knower moves, the benevolent is quiet; the knower is happy, the benevolent lives." (The Wise are happy with water, the benevolent are happy with the mountains; the wise are flexible, the benevolent are calm; the wise are happy, and the benevolent are long-lived.) ）

"The knower is not confused" (Analects of zihan) (Analects of the Constitution) (Wise people are not easily deceived by illusions. ）

Once, it was the analects of this chapter.

The "knowing" of the "knower", here is the false "wisdom" word, the upper is a "knowing" word, the bottom is a "day" word, to put it simply, "wisdom" is to know the sun, by extension to know the laws of the operation of heaven and earth, to know the changes of the sun, moon and stars. A person who is both intelligent and decisive is a true wise man.

The "knower" can not only distinguish between who "can speak" and who "cannot speak"; he can also "speak with" and "not speak with". Talk to people and say different things to different people, so that you will not lose people because of your words, nor will you waste your tongue because of your words.

We know at a glance that the "knower" has the ability to know himself and to know others.

There is a saying in China that "people are valuable and self-aware." The earliest expression of this sentence was Lao Tzu. "Self-knowledge" means that you can soberly know yourself and treat yourself. Self-knowledge is knowing what is wrong with you, knowing what is wrong with yourself, and correcting it.

People are often like this, "do not know the true face of Lushan Mountain, only because they are in this mountain." It's harder to know yourself than it is to know others. Only when a person understands himself first can he understand others, so that he can neither "lose his words" nor "lose people".

The reason for "losing one's word" is "to speak with one's word but not to speak with one's word"; in the same way, the reason for "one cannot speak one's word with one's word"; A "knower" can do both "not losing people" and "not losing words." This is because the "knower" is able to know his own ability; second, he has the ability to know others.

The following understanding of "not losing words" can be understood: the knower will not miss a sentence that should be said, he will not say the wrong thing, he will not speak to the wrong person, he will not miss a person who should speak. The same understanding, every word of the knower, can make others attach great importance to it, do not let the other party despise your words, that is to say, take your words as a wind in your ears.

Look at it this way; Confucius's standard of speaking is very high!

Some people can talk to him but do not talk, which is not "teaching by words"; it is not possible to talk to him but to talk to him, which is to fail to practice "teaching without words". "Teaching with words" lies in reasoning; "teaching without words" lies in leading by example, how to do these two aspects well, this is the biggest harvest brought to us by Confucius's chapter and sentence "Analects"!