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A long time ago, there was a popular saying: marriage is the graveyard of love.
In fact, if you think about it, this is a very funny thing: countless couples regard marriage as the destination of love, but many times, the only thing that beats love is marriage.
The well-known writer Alan Bolton once said: Marrying someone you love is actually a very cruel thing.
He also made an analogy: love is like two people going on vacation together, when you snuggle up to each other in a good mountain and water, let the sun hit you, you will feel that such a life is incomparably beautiful, and you love him incomparably.
You'll want to be with him all the time, and you think it's marriage that will keep two people feeling that way.
But alas, this idea is wrong.
Because this beautiful life experience has a premise: that is, you do not need to face work for a while, there is no housework behind you, you can completely immerse yourself in the color of this lake.
But marriage is to jump out of this short time and force you to face the real life.
You may also need to commute to work to squeeze the bus, rush home to cook after work, and maybe there is a child at home waiting to be fed, and you may have to consider the mortgage when you pay your salary.
At this time, the mountains and rivers behind you are far away from you.
In particular, there are many tribulations between husband and wife.
Those chickens and dogs in life are more consuming things of love than those seemingly huge obstacles in communication.
For at this time, your greatest enemy is not the opposition of your parents, the constraints of the economy, or anything else external, but each other.
And those obstacles in marriage, every time they go out, are a kind of practice.
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The first hurdle of marriage: the run-in period of marriage
In recent years, there has been a topic that has been repeatedly discussed, that is, the "cohabitation experiment".
Some couples want to achieve the purpose of "marriage trial and error" by living together before marriage.
They believe that the divorce rate is so high today, so trying to live together in advance before marriage can avoid the huge cost of divorce.
Indeed, there are many men and women in life, when they are in love, they are all good, and once they get married, they will not become, and all contradictions will come out.
This also reflects from the side that the details of life are indeed a huge enemy of defeating love.
For example, when you think that a man is handsome and romantic, and so on to really live together, you may find that the other party is completely unkempt at home, and lazy, this time the psychological gap will come out.
Marriage, in the final analysis, is to strip away the unrealistic romantic cloak in love and reveal your true self to each other.
Whether they can successfully survive the discomfort period of the first marriage mainly depends on each other's acceptance and how much they are willing to change for each other.
The second hurdle of marriage: the child-rearing period
Maybe we all have friends around us: when there are only two people, the relationship is very good, but after having children, it is like a watershed, and the quarrels are constant.
It's actually because some people haven't adapted quickly to this identity shift.
Even if you are married, as long as you don't have children, you can still eat and play as before.
But having children is completely different.
Taking care of children is a very trivial and tiring thing, when you come home from work one day, you have to face a crying child, when you are sleeping soundly, but you are awakened from time to time by the cry of the child who is hungry and peeing, these are all things that need patience.
At this time, if there is no longer a reliable lover around, it will be even more difficult.
Children are the common responsibility of husband and wife, and the effort and labor that needs to be paid to raise him naturally requires two people to share it together.
If in this era, there are still people who think that they can go home with a little salary and ignore their children, marriage will not be happy.
To test whether a person can take on the responsibility of marriage, children are always a sharp weapon.
The third hurdle of marriage: the seven-year itch
When a couple is together for many years, fading the initial freshness and romance, feelings are often prone to problems.
"Seemingly in harmony with god" is a term used by many writers to describe middle-aged couples.
It is often said that when men and women spend a long time together, love will easily become affection.
Not exactly.
A couple, no matter how many years have passed, want to be harmonious and happy together, "love" is the core factor.
Experienced people understand that no matter what age a person is, he actually has emotional needs.
A forty-year-old man and woman also has a thirst for love.
When the lover in the marriage is trivially worn away, and there is no topic, the danger comes.
In marriage, emotional needs are not met, and when there is an extramarital temptation, the balance of the heart is easily tilted.
So, no matter how long we've been together, it's important to learn to keep love fresh.
Middle-aged couples, the most lacking is the "mind".
During the holidays, even if there are no valuable gifts, is there a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates?
Even if not, on the day of the other person's birthday, it is not difficult to carefully prepare a meal and say a blessing, right?
But there are many people who are too lazy to do these kung fu.
Never remember any birthday, holiday, anniversary, I don't remember, I don't want the other party to mention it.
For example, if you are busy at work, do you occasionally take a day to go out with your other half for a walk?
Even if not, when you come home after a tired day, there should always be time for two people to lie together and talk about intimate words.
If there is none, it can only be said that such a marriage, after a long time, will really become like water, fading to no taste.
The fourth hurdle of marriage: threats from health as we age
The pressure from life is a link that everyone can't escape.
In order to give their families a better life, many people are overdrawing their health.
Over the years, due to unhealthy lifestyles, many serious diseases have shown a trend of rejuvenation.
I'm sure many people have thought about what the other half will choose when you are really young and have to face the threat of life and the huge pressure from money.
Since ancient times, China has such a saying: Husband and wife are originally the same forest bird, and they fly separately in the face of great trouble.
In times of crisis, the thickness of feelings can be seen best.
But let's not be too discouraged.
Even in the most extreme cases, some people choose to guard.
In 2008, in Hengshuijing County, a man in a car accident became a vegetative person, the wife did not abandon, for more than ten years has been in front of the hospital bed to take good care of her husband, laughing and ridiculing himself "more professional than senior caregivers";
In 2011, In Wan'an, Jiangxi, a woman fell into a paraplegia due to an accident, and her life could not take care of herself, and her husband did not hesitate to borrow money to save his wife, and in the following ten years, he did not leave his wife, taking good care of her every day and waiting for a miracle to appear.
Therefore, the firm love in film and television dramas is also there in life.
Whether it can reach such a degree depends on the emotional thickness accumulated by the husband and wife in the years of mutual knowledge and support.
Of course, growing old with your children is not a difficult dream to achieve, but the most convenient way is to cherish yourself and have a healthy body.
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<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > over the years, with the development of the Internet, negative news spread too quickly, making many people unwilling to believe in marriage. But marriage is always "like a person drinking water, cold and warm self-knowledge." Some people do wither in a wrong relationship, but there are also many people who, after entering marriage, get a good lover, considerate relatives, and close friends. To put it simply, it depends on whether you choose the right person and whether you know how to operate. It is never so easy to grow old, and "one life and one couple" is even more illusory like an ancient myth in this era. But happiness is something that must first be believed in before it can be realized. </h1>
Love and marriage are always two different things, the former allows you to see the ultimate beauty, the latter lets you learn how to keep this beauty.
Happiness is not inevitable, but when you have enough wisdom, patience and courage, maybe everything will come quietly.