What kind of attitude will a man who sympathizes with the suffering of the people and worries about the country and the people for many years treat his family?
In Traditional Chinese culture, we always have such an obsession, "A good boy should aspire to the four directions" and "a big husband should carry a three-foot sword and make an immortal contribution." There was also Li He Shiyun, "Why don't the boys take Wu Hooks and charge Guan Shan Fifty Prefectures?" ”
And it is precisely under this kind of thinking that for a long time, Chinese men will regard caring for their wives and children and performing family duties as a very embarrassing and even humiliating thing.
Therefore, in the mythological story, the great Yu zhishui and the three passes through the door without entering the house will be regarded as a model;
In ancient poems, there are many poems about love, but most of them are also describing unmarried men pursuing their favorite girls, and very few are men who express their thoughts and love for their wives after marriage, and among them, Du Fu is a very famous one.
In the spring of 756, Du Fu's dynasty was in chaos. At that time, the rebel An Lushan attacked Tongguan from Luoyang. In June, Chang'an (present-day Xi'an) fell, Emperor Xuanzong of Tang fled to Shu, rebels invaded Baishui (in Weinan, Shaanxi Province), and Du Fu fled with his family to Qiang Village in Yanzhou (present-day Fu County, Shaanxi Province). In July, Emperor Suzong of Tang ascended the throne at Lingwu (lingwu county, ningxia), and when Du Fu learned of this, he immediately ran from Yanzhou to Lingwu alone, but was captured by An Shi rebels on the way and escorted back to Chang'an.
In August, Du Fu had been forbidden for more than a month in Chang'an, and one night he looked at the moon, looked at the huge full moon, and thought of his wife and children who were far away in Yanzhou, and his heart could not be calm for a long time, so he wrote this poem "Moon Night":
Tonight in the month of The State of The Moon, I only look at it alone. Pity the little children, and do not remember Chang'an.
The incense mist clouds are wet, and the qinghui jade arm is cold. When to lean on the false pretense, double photo tear stains dry.
Du Fu said, Tonight the bright moon in Yanzhou is empty and full of clear light, such a beautiful moon, I should have appreciated it with you, but forced by reality, I can only let you look up alone in the boudoir;
Although I am in a distant place, I miss you and the children in the family all the time, just as you must be worried about me trapped in Chang'an at home, only poor young children, they do not understand why their mother is so worried about the distance.
Every time I read these four sentences, I always lamented Du Fu's deep affection, this man who cherished the country and the world and cared about the sufferings of the people did not ignore his responsibility to the family because of his "lofty ambitions", not only did he not ignore it, he expressed extraordinary empathy and understanding of his wife's situation with the unique sensitivity of the poet:
"Tonight in the month of Yanzhou, only look at the boudoir alone" - at this moment he and his wife are thousands of miles apart, why do you think that her wife must be looking at the moon alone in the boudoir? It is because he understands his wife's affection and grievances, vulnerability and strength;
And the verse "Remote pity for children, unsolved memories of Chang'an" is even more heartbreaking, children are young, do not understand the sorrow and sorrow of adults, this is the common sentiment of people, there is nothing worth pity;
What really pities people is her wife, who must be worried about her own safety while not showing a little sorrow in front of her children, so the children do not understand their mother's expectations and concerns for Chang'an - in that turbulent era, behind which quiet years, is not there someone else gritting their teeth and struggling?
Next, "the incense mist is wet, the jade arm is cold" - the night is exposed, the wife has been standing by the window for an unknown amount of time, the mist has wet her sideburns, and the cold moonlight makes her arms cold.
"When will we lean on the false pretense and dry the tear stains of the double photo" – when will we be reunited? Then you and I will lean together against this delicate light veil, and let the moonlight dry the tears of longing on our faces.
Delicate and affectionate, in that era when feudal etiquette was above all else, Du Fu not only unabashedly expressed his thoughts about his wife, thought of her sideburns, and thought of her jade arms, but also said very bluntly that he was also silently weeping because he missed his wife, saying that the boy had tears and did not flick, but for the sake of his wife and children, why not cry again?
Therefore, whenever I read this poem, I will be grateful for Du Fu's "truth" - he is not a person who lives in a "condom", although he has the traditional sense of Confucianism and takes the well-being of the world as his responsibility, but he is not pedantic, and does not pretend to use social responsibility as an excuse to avoid his family responsibilities, and even from his poems, we can frequently find the figure of his wife Yang:
In "Escape", he wrote: "My wife and children follow me, look back and lament together", my wife fled with me, looking back at the past and lamenting together;
In the "Northern Expedition", he wrote: "After going to the hut, the wife is dressed in a hundred knots", "the thin wife's face is restored, and the idiot woman's head is self-conscious", and when he returns to his simple home a few years later, he sees his wife quail dressed in a hundred knots, emaciated and haggard, and his children are almost naked, which makes him sad and almost cry.
In the "Three Songs of Qiang Village", he wrote: "The birds of chaimen are noisy, and the guests are thousands of miles away." The wife and child blame me, shocked and wiped tears", "the night is more candle-like, relatively like a dream", returning from the battlefield, the wife and children did not expect that they were still alive, stunned for a while before crying with joy; the night was very deep, the husband and wife sat opposite each other with candlelight, and still felt that they were dreaming;
In "Jiangcun", he wrote that "the old wife draws paper as a chess game, and the child knocks the needle as a fishing hook"; in "Entering the Boat", he writes "Lead the old wife to take the boat during the day, and watch the child bathe and clear the mouth". He said that in the days when there was no war and no exile, "I" played chess and boating with my wife, accompanied my children to fish and play in the water, although the days were poor, but the family was always together, happy and harmonious.
Therefore, the more we read Du Fu's poems, the more we understand his cherishing of his wife and children, the more we can understand why he has such a deep feeling for the suffering of the people--men who love their families are more patriotic, and he himself recognizes the importance of the family to men, and naturally he will push himself and others, and have deeper sympathy for the separation of other people's wives and children and the hardships of life.
And from this point of view, the family is a man's "needle in the haystack" (this is what an elder said to me and Mr. P many years ago, I still remember it vividly), if a man doesn't even care about the feelings of the closest people around him, how can he care about the well-being of others?
Therefore, judging whether a man is unreliable or not is a real hero Haojie, I think that looking at his attitude towards his family is the most telling:
If he does not hesitate to sacrifice the happiness of his wife and children for the sake of his lofty ideals, then most of his so-called great righteousness of the family and country is also selling fame and reputation, and his commitments to the future are mostly words of rights and interests, which cannot withstand the test at all;
Only when there is a value and attachment to the family, all the vows and actions of men outside are meaningful. Therefore, stay away from the men who shout loud slogans but are not even willing to take care of their families, because he has neither a life nor a family in his heart, only himself.
This article is original by Begonia Woman, welcome to pay attention, take you along with long knowledge!