Source: Published in March 2017 by Oriental Publishing House, Sex, Money, Happiness and Death (Hardcover Edition), published in March 2017.
Editor-in-charge | Gordo
The 1423rd in-depth article: 2673 words | 3 min read
First published on the internet and reading notes
Notes Jun said——
Good evening, chivalrous! On the new business road, Noteman and you watch over each other.
In the recipe "happiness", one of the most important ingredients is "comparison", although essential, but put too much, will also ruin the whole dish. Let's take a look at how comparisons enhance and attenuate our sense of well-being.
Among them, jealousy plays an important role.
First, the temporary happiness comes from the downward ratio
To be precise, in fact, from time to time to remind yourself that "life is not too bad", it helps to enhance happiness.
This healthy state of mind involves comparing one's current state with one's own past more unsatisfactory state or comparing it with others.
When we feel that life is bleak, we can think back to the difficult days of the past, or look at the miserable situation of others, so that we feel a little better.
Imagining how bad life can be, and then comparing it to a relatively comfortable life in reality —a constructive approach commonly used to boost morale—usually lifts our spirits.
Of course, people will compare both downward and upward.
Life isn't always better than it used to be, and we're not always better paid and smarter than our neighbors.
But, overall, happy people are more of a downward ratio than an upward ratio. They learn to appreciate what they have, rather than covet what others have— they may have mastered the course early on.
Maybe it's when they're kids when they complain that they're inferior in some way to other children, and their parents will point out to them who, who, and who are in a much worse situation than they are.
Unhappy people, when evaluating their own living conditions, will also be downward and upward, but they are more upward. They feel very aggrieved and look for evidence of God's injustice to them.
As a result, when they choose to compare objects, there will be a bias, specifically picking those who have a better life than themselves, and comparing them upwards. "Why is the neighbor's car better than mine?" They asked. "Why is my sister able to spend so much money on vacation?"
Occasionally pay attention to people who are worse off than themselves, and they will also taste the sense of superiority, but the happiness of this superiority will soon fade and will be replaced by jealousy, jealousy of those who are loved by God.
People who stubbornly believe that God is unfair to themselves, no matter what they pursue, whether it is love, power or money, they will always be able to find someone who seems to be more than themselves, and feel that that person has taken away what originally belonged to them.
Second, jealousy arises from upward ratios
All of us have times when we feel inferior to others, especially when we compare ourselves with those who started higher than us, such as status, appearance, income, power, etc. Our challenge is to get out of the state of mixed feelings.
For the sake of mental health, it is important not to compare upwards and not to feel that you are very wronged. Otherwise, jealousy will once again reveal its ugly face, threatening to swallow us up.
Bertrand M. Russell was well aware of this when he said that "few people feel happy unless they hate someone else, a country, or a doctrine." However, we will ask whether it is appropriate to use the word "happiness" in this case.
Russell also said: "If you desire glory, you may be jealous of Napoleon, but Napoleon is jealous of Caesar, Caesar is jealous of Alexander, and Alexander, I dare say he must be jealous of Hercules Hercules, a fictional fellow." ”
Some people see others suffering and rejoice. This kind of person, they like to compare upwards, and upward ratios generally provoke jealousy and hostility reactions. However, the reason for this reaction is not entirely due to others.
As the German writer Hermann Schwarzkopf has written. As Hesse observes: "If we hate a man, the place where he makes us hate is also part of ourselves." What does not exist in our selves does not bother us. "Because Herman Hesse understands that people who are jealous of others have serious self-esteem problems.
It is themselves who make them even more unhappy, not the people they mock.
I doubt it's true that anyone has never been jealous.
Jealousy is the pain, resentment, and desire to rush over when you see others outperforming yourself in certain aspects (such as wealth, power, status, love, beauty). Acting out of jealousy may be temporarily liberated, but any of these negative emotions will subsequently cause subjective annoyance. Jealousy and all the emotions derived from jealousy, dangerous to oneself and to others, imprison those who indulge in it.
People don't deliberately show or say that feeling. Jealousy is not good on the table, and we prefer to hide it or disguise it as detachment. Jealousy, for all its positives — can make people work to close their gap with others, and can also enhance the stability of their relationships — but it also often makes people want to fight for an eye.
The result? The world that was already plagued by many disasters has one more fainted person.
We all know that jealousy is also one of the Seven Deadly Sins. The Bible is full of stories about jealousy. The last commandment of the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament is, "Thou shalt not covet...".
There are countless examples of jealousy in literature, the most famous of which is John F. Kennedy. Milton's portrayal of Satan in Paradise Lost. In Milton's poem, Satan is a fallen angel, devoured by jealousy and revenge, plotting a plot to expel mankind from heaven.
Many proverbs in many countries also reveal the universal nature of jealousy:
For example, the Bulgarian proverb "Someone else's egg has two yolks";
As the Danish proverb goes, "If jealousy is a cold, then all the people in the world are infected";
The Swedes say "Royal Jealousy of Sweden" (exhortations not to be too ostentatious, lest they be jealous);
Many countries say "high poppy syndrome" (an expression that shows that people are schadenfreude when they see successful people falling behind).
Unhappiness is due to the imprisonment of jealousy
Of all the stories I know of jealousy, the most dramatic is one of the Russian ones.
There is a peasant, and God is willing to grant any of his wishes, but on one condition—whatever he wants, God gives him a share and gives his neighbor two. The farmer feels uncomfortable at the thought that no matter what he gets, his neighbors will get more than himself. After careful consideration, the peasant finally said to God, "Take one of my eyes." ”
The novelist Gore Vidal also knows this well: "It is not enough to succeed on your own, others have to lose." ”
Sometimes, jealousy is packaged as moral anger. We are accustomed to seeing ourselves as the embodiment of justice, criticizing those we believe violate some kind of moral code. But this sense of justice often masks an envy (for example, the wish that you too can live a lavish life). When people are troubled by the "despicable behavior" of others, they may dream that they can also commit such "despicable behavior".
Their anger may be directed at something in themselves, something that scares them the most. Usually this stuff is related to sex. For example, a homosexual person, perhaps because he is worried about his sexuality, tries to get rid of this problem by attacking homosexuality.
The misconduct of many television evangelists in the United States confirms this. They preach freedom from sin and greed, but at the same time they patronize brothels and abuse the donations of their faithful.
American writer Sinclair M. Lewis's book The Iniquity of the Sea (later adapted into a film starring Bertrand Custer) tells the story of a god stick. His name was Elmer Gantley, and he was obese, very greedy, very flairing, and specialized in pitting good and ignorant people. He took the opportunity to blend into a Christian church and climb to the position of the main priest. This man, who was "god-fearing," preached during the day about sin and punishment, and at night he did what he spurned during the day. Moral anger is jealousy that haunts the aura.
In the Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Biles defines happiness as "the pleasure that comes to mind at the thought of another person's tragic experience," and breaks the destructiveness of jealousy in a witty tone.
The German word "Schadenfreude" means happiness based on the suffering of others. But if a person bases his or her own pleasure on enjoying the pain of others, what does his/her life look like?
Although the suffering of others can bring about a temporary sense of pleasure, true happiness cannot coexist with jealousy, resentment, and revenge. If a person is imprisoned by jealousy, it will be difficult for him/her to reach her potential and connect with others, and the end result is unhappiness.
Publisher Introduction——
Dongfang Publishing House is a sub-brand of the People's Publishing House and a national first-class publishing house. It is the leader in the publication of Chinese mainland management and inspirational books. Founded on December 1, 1950, the People's Publishing House is the earliest political book publishing house in China, the first well-known comprehensive publishing house of philosophy and social sciences in Chinese mainland and the highest publishing house in the publishing industry in mainland China.