There is a very hot post on Douban. The poster has a 10-year-old nephew, the child is very good, not only the first in the class, Olympic mathematics, Go, roller skating are outstanding, but also can speak fluent English.
The child is so good, the parents are naturally very proud. But the child didn't think so, saying, "My parents don't deserve my son so well." ”
Because he felt that his parents had no money and could only afford to drive a hundred thousand Nissan cars, while his classmates' parents drove BMW, the mobile phones used by his classmates were the latest iPhones, and his parents only bought him a children's watch for a few hundred yuan.
I don't know when it started, education became a kind of consumer competition. Although it is human nature to compare, children have a super comparison psychology at a young age, which is largely due to the guidance of parents' wrong concepts.
Teacher Fan Deng once said: "Parents' love for their children cannot have any additional conditions. ”
Because love with conditions will guide the child to develop in the opposite direction of love.
You ask your child to get a high score, promise him to buy a mobile phone when he gets to the top few, and he may in turn ask you to make more money and change a high-end car to take him to school.
Many parents do not see their children as an independent being. Under the banner of "loving children" or "being good for children", they make various demands on children. If the child can't do it, love will become a rough exchange and threat.
As everyone knows, your children are not really "your children".
How to care for the child's complete personality, and guide the child and parents to reach an educational consensus to achieve the common growth of parents and children? This is something that every parent should seriously consider.
If you don't throw money, you can also raise children
When it comes to affluence, most parents are no strangers. Regardless of family circumstances, parents will always try to satisfy their children financially.
But raising children is not as simple as spending money.
Former CCTV host Wang Xiaoqian mentioned in his new book "Mother Knows What to Do" that there are 4 levels of wealth. They are willing to spend money for their children; willing to spend time for children; willing to learn for children; willing to take responsibility for their own lives.
There is a working mother in the Singapore movie "Children are not stupid", in order for the children to receive a good education, spend a lot of money to send their children to prestigious schools, give the children the best degree of food and clothing, usually after work is not entertaining, at home with the children to write homework, it can be said that "willing to spend money for children + spend time" model.
Screenshot of the movie "Kids Aren't Stupid"
But this mother has a very serious problem, that is, she puts all her happiness on others. Whenever she is not satisfied with her husband and children, she will ask her husband and children to change, and if her husband and children do not change according to her requirements, she will be very painful.
The premise of enriching children is to enrich themselves.
Spend more money, time, and learning costs on yourself, and be responsible for your own happiness, such an independent attitude towards life can infect children.
What do you say to your child,
Decide who he will become
Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, once said: "Educators can be illiterate, they can't read or write, but they teach you to go beyond yourself, beyond your mission in this world, beyond your limits, beyond your talents." ”
This is because what you say to your child determines who he will become.
If parents often say encouraging and bright words to their children, the children will become confident, and the child's vitality will flourish and dare to develop themselves.
If parents often say degrading and humiliating words to their children, they will drag their children's vitality towards withering, and children will become afraid to explore the world.
Yu Minhong's father was a carpenter and his mother was a farmer. But they have raised Peking University students and business leaders. This is inseparable from Yu Minhong's mother's encouraging education.
Yu Minhong has said many times in interviews that although her mother is not highly educated, she has encouraged herself to read more since she was a child, although she has failed to list Peking University twice, but her mother has never advised her to give up, but encouraged him to bravely chase his dreams and support his decision to take the Peking University again.
Although we must often say words of encouragement to the child, but the child will always have some behaviors that need to be disciplined, how to say at this time not only does not hurt the child's self-esteem, but also can play a role in discipline?
You need to express an attitude to your child: "I don't like your behavior, but I will always love you as a person." ”
Let the child be obedient,
You need consistent expression between family members
The educator of a child is often not only you, but also your partner, your parents, and even the seven aunts and eight aunts.
If the educational concepts of children are different between family members, it will put the child in "psychological confusion", and the child will become who he is with, and he will take whose personal value orientation is used as a guide to action and become a "two-faced faction".
There is a plot in the hit drama "An Jia", the doctor's mother played by Haiqing came home after work and saw the child eating while watching cartoons with an iPad, she told the child: "Didn't you promise your mother?" Don't watch cartoons while eating. ”
But the mother-in-law said: "Let him play for a while, what's wrong, when he plays, I feed it more conveniently." ”
She pulled the child aside to educate and told her mother-in-law: "Mom, didn't we say okay?" Don't let children watch cartoons when they eat, our educational philosophy should be the same. ”
The mother-in-law gave her a blank look and said, "You go to work every day, no matter how I educate my children." ”
Screenshot of the TV series "An Jia"
The husband came home to see this scene and blamed her for not respecting the old man. The mother played by Haiqing has a hard time saying. In order to better educate her children, she decided to buy a new house and live separately from her in-laws.
Family members have disagreements about their children's education, which is common in life.
In an environment that lacks uniform educational standards, children cannot establish a set of rules of behavior in their hearts. In the long run, children will watch people get off the plate, see the wind make the rudder, and have no values of their own. And such a child will not only be scorned by most people when they become adults, but also difficult to obtain a sense of happiness and will live very tired.
In this regard, Wang Xiaoqian provides 2 solutions in the new book "Mother Knows What to Do":
First, unify first, and then act.
Second, all family members, when alone with their children, must also enforce the set of rules that have been agreed upon.
If it still can't be solved, it may only be solved by moving like the mother played by Haiqing.
What a wonderful and responsible life experience to be a parent.
However, education is a complicated matter, because the growth of children is full of uncertainty.