"Poor parent-child communication with children may be a problem with the role of parents."
— Hu Shenzhi
We often complain that our children have grown up, become quieter and quieter, and do not like to talk to their parents, is it rebellious? Often lose your temper after saying two sentences, which is really hurting the hearts of parents.
But in fact, children must have wanted to communicate with their parents calmly and when there are some problems that they can't solve, and they also want to see their parents' suggestions, but often as soon as they open their mouths, they regret asking out.
How many parents and children are in the same room with nothing to talk about, they love each other deeply but do not know each other, they yearn for contact but cannot find bridges, they are eager to express but have no words.
Have parents ever reflected on why this is happening? Can the child understand what he says? Does violent communication only make the child afraid or more rebellious?
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Parents are always passers-by in their children's minds
When a child is no longer willing to communicate with his parents, it must be from a very young age, he realizes that "what I say does not matter."
Some people ask, what kind of people are the most difficult to communicate?
The highest praise is: people who always think they are right.
It is true that a man who thinks he will always be right, and anything you say to him is meaningless, so who wants to communicate with him?
And many parents have just made such a mistake, parents always think that they have walked a longer road than their children, eaten more salt than children have eaten rice, always pretend to be a person who has come over, always think that their methods and methods are correct, and it is precisely because of this misunderstanding that it is more and more difficult for parents to communicate with their children.
There is a monologue in the movie "Kids Are Not Stupid 2": Adults often think that talking to us a lot is communication, and we usually pretend to listen, whether we listen or not, they don't care.
What makes children most dissatisfied is that parents do not understand them
Imagine:
When the child saves money and uses the pocket money left behind, and is full of joy to buy his carefully prepared gifts for his parents, he expects the happy smile of his parents, but what he gains is reprimand: Why don't you put your mind on learning, what is the point of getting this?
When the child makes a new good friend at school and shares the joy with you for the first time when he returns home, what he gains is: is his grades good or not, is he a class leader class leader? Learn more with students who study well, and stay away from those with poor grades.
……
Are these words correct? Right;
Are these words good for children? Yes;
Do kids like to listen? The answer is no;
When the feedback of parents and the expectations in the child's heart are parallel, disappointment and anxiety will impact every inch of the child's skin and hit every initiative of the child.
Many times, parents only care about their own ideas, but they can't see the child's heart and can't take care of the child's weaknesses.
As everyone knows, the child communicates with us as a desire for spiritual identification, and sadly, we unconsciously pass through the child's heart.
What is left for the child is disappointment, and finally it becomes despair.
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Parents personally close the door to communication
Do you give your child a chance to finish speaking?
There are relevant agencies to investigate the status of communication between children and parents:
52% of children said they hardly communicated with their parents,
26% of children occasionally communicate with their parents,
Only 22% of children communicate with their parents regularly.
Why is this happening?
The answer for many students is that their parents often or once could not listen to them patiently.
Let's look at a case:
The child clashes with a classmate at school.
Originally it was a very simple thing to deal with, as long as you find the child to understand the reasons behind the conflict, if the child is wrong, let the child apologize to the classmate, if the child is a reasonable party, comfort the child to tell the child that this way of solving the problem is wrong, and find another classmate to understand whether there is something wrong with his child? But what do many parents do?
Many parents will only ask their children loudly at the first time why they always cause trouble for themselves. Why not read well? Wait, always complain first, and don't give the child a chance to explain.
The consequence of this is, perhaps, this time, that the child closes the door to communication with his parents and begins to learn to hide in his own inner space.
Parents' violent communication, so that children have a strong sense of fear in their hearts about communicating with their parents, originally children make mistakes, in the case of their own unbearable situation, when they seek the help of their parents, they are not greeted with the answer to solve the problem, but more blame.
Again and again, erasing the child's illusion of seeking help from their parents, because they know that there is a problem + looking for their parents = scolding, scolding.
So they slowly lose the desire to communicate with their parents, because knowing is useless.
In fact, a big reason why children are reluctant to communicate with their parents is that parents are not ready to be listeners on the road to a child's growth, and more are acting as controllers.
If parents want to go into the child's heart, they may wish to bow down, stand at the same height and perspective as the child to understand the problem, empathetic interpretation of the child, I think the child will be very willing to share with you every story of his growth.
Write at the end
The best way to love a child is not to force your own opinions, but to really hear the child's voice, to see the child as an equal being, and to respect each other.
After bending down, seeing the needs of the child, and listening to the voice of the child's heart, you can better approach the child.
——the end——