When I was eighteen, there was a girl (emotional story)

Author ~ Jincao Yingruixiang

At the age of eighteen, he had several unforgettable "firsts": the first time he took a train, the first time he walked into Beijing, the first time he published his debut work, the first time he met a cute and yiyi northeast girl...

Having healed his destiny, he kept flipping through three or four albums in the bookcase, and looking at it, his favorite and favorite was the color photo taken on his eighteenth birthday. This was also the first color photograph of his life: the bright red, bright red hat badge, the collar badge, the new and new green military uniform; and the majestic, towering and wide gate on the back of the color photo, and the majestic and powerful guards and soldiers on both sides of the gate; and the eye-catching door number that was eight meters high and the line of vigorous and powerful bold characters on the door number- the Foreign Affairs Bureau of the Ministry of National Defense of the People's Republic of China. He knew that the white wooden plaque hanging high marked not only the name of the unit in the general sense, but also the dignity of the country and the mission of the military. In his memory, in his own small ravine of a hundred miles, there were at least one hundred and eighty young people who had been conscripted into the army for more than ten years, but there were very few lucky people like him. It is indeed a bit "rare" to be able to step from an authentic mountain to the heart of the republic, beijing, the capital, especially to serve in such a key department that represents national interests and defends territorial sovereignty. When the first family letter printed with the words "Foreign Affairs Bureau of the Ministry of National Defense of the People's Republic of China" on his envelope flew to his hometown, his family, neighbors, friends and classmates were ecstatic and rushed to tell each other and rushed to read it. It was also at that moment that he and his parents (his father was a state cadre in a county department, his mother worked in the countryside, the whole family settled in the countryside, the standard "single-job family"), and the two brothers-in-law all thought with some joy that a fortune teller behind the old mountain said, "The fate of the three eggs is really good!" (He was the third oldest in his family, nicknamed "Three Eggs.") The words were fulfilled.

He grew up with a preference for liberal arts. Elementary, middle, and high school essays are often "read out" in class by Language teachers as model texts. Pen writing, chalk words are tall and vigorous, delicate and flowing, many students can often see him waving like a cloud, ink pen left in the notebook, in the campus wall of the board newspaper can often see him waving like a cloud, ink pen left incense. "When I came to the army, I didn't expect that the little ink and small talent I had had really come into play." He was somewhat relieved and talked to himself; once a month, he insisted on "self-written and self-performing" and "self-playing and singing" two twenty-square-meter propaganda boards, which not only aroused the praise of the officers and men, but even the families of the cadres and workers who lived in the compound of the army would also pass by the station, watch and applaud. Director Li Ge of the Political Department named him to transfer him from the car class to the propaganda section belonging to the political department of the bureau, but Chief Pang Ke, the chief of the management section in charge of the car class, was also a good leader who regarded talent as his destiny, and he "spoke" in a very thick Xiangxi township tone: "Xiao Bo is a very good soldier!" We also need such talents in the management department! He can't go! In order to achieve the purpose of going to the Political Affairs Department, he dared to ask a Shanxi zhengtuan assistant in the Political Affairs Department to intercede with Director Li Ge." The Political Department needs to transfer a soldier according to needs, that is, to study and decide to transfer him to Work here, and he should also obey the order! Director Li Ge smiled and said a word to the Shanxi assistant who threw a reassuring pill into his heart. Two days later, he came to work in the Propaganda Section under the Political Department as he wished, and he never expected that his "fate" as an ordinary creep could attract such attention from a commander at the level of a full division. Later, a training course on all-army film projection technology held by the General Political Film Workstation recruited trainees, and Director Li Ge sent him to participate in the study. He once again ushered in a new "first" in his life: entering the Communication School of the People's Liberation Army in Xuanhua, Hebei Province, for a three-month training in film projection technology. During this period, Director Li Ge still cared for him more than once, writing to him three times, encouraging and spurring him to "study diligently, study hard, be sensitive to thinking, have the courage to practice, and be good at summarizing." In addition to conscientiously studying and completing the film projection technology department, he also wrote dozens of poems, small novels, and essays. In particular, a prose study of about a thousand words, "Small Town Sentiments", was also published in the headline position of the fourth page of the local newspaper "Zhangjiakou City Daily". This is the first time he has published his work publicly since he studied writing. Excited, he asked for a sample newspaper from the newspaper editor Liu Sutang to send it to Director Li Ge, who only wanted the old chief to share his joy...

It was also at the end of the eighteenth year that the literary complex in his blood was constantly running. He only had more than ten yuan of allowance and food subsidies every month, and almost all of them signed up for the study of four or five domestic literary creation correspondence classes, and almost every week there would be learning materials and letters flying like snowflakes on his desk. He remembered very happily that when he signed up for the creation class of the Anhui Youth Literature College, he overcame the pain of cold and fever and waved a poem of more than twenty lines in one go- "I Flew to Your Side Early - To the Anhui Youth Literature College", and this small poem flew to the Academic Affairs Office of the Journaling College along with his photo and registration form. It is gratifying that about half a month later, his little poem was published in the "Study Herald" published in the Youth Literature College without changing a word. The pen characters became pencil characters for the first time, and he was surprised to see that the fourth page of the "Learning Herald", which was not much larger than the sixteen opening papers, also contained a beautiful prose of eight or nine hundred words by another student, the title of the prose is not clear now, but the name of the student is as clear as her text, gentle and heartwarming, her name is Shi Guiping, a girl from The North Drift City of Liaoning Province. Very cleverly, a week later, a young teacher named Cai Yaoming of the department of Chinese of Anhui University at the time (a part-time writing class teacher at the Youth Literature College) came to Beijing on a business trip, and he did his best to provide him with food and accommodation. In addition to encouraging him to study diligently and improve his writing level, Teacher Cai Taotao also introduced him to a talented female classmate with beautiful writing and a clear and sweet spring, and told him her mailing address. What surprised and delighted him was that the talented female classmate mentioned by Teacher Cai was Shi Guiping, who had published his study work in the "Same List of Jinshi" in the "Study Herald" not long ago. In just one month, the three words "Shi Guiping" kept flashing in his brain and were firmly imprinted in his heart. In this way, in the name of a "like-minded" and literary youth, he began to write letters and gradually approach this northeastern girl who was far away. From the initial shyness and shyness, temptation and speculation to the later confession of true feelings and the appearance of whiteness. Two young men and women who meet each other and have just begun to love are not limited to literary creation, but also love and the future. Don't look at Xiao Shi's article Xiaojia Jasper, Inner Show is subtle, and emotionally it also lives up to the Northeast people's "chivalrous liver and courage" and "foreign and bold". She boldly sent him a three-inch-large black-and-white photo of her personal portrait, and on the back of the photo was written two lines of pen and pencil script: "Not for acquaintance is to meet, but to meet for acquaintance." Looking at this talented female classmate in the photo who is full of spirit, permed curly hair, wearing glasses, and smiling, his heart is turning upside down, and his smile is warm and blossoming. The words "acquaintance" and "encounter" on Xiaoshi's photo are undoubtedly igniting his idea of "meeting", and he dreams of coming to his eyes with a smile on his face.

Unable to hold back himself, he borrowed three hundred yuan and bought a train ticket to go north to find Xiaoshi. Two days and two nights of trains, three or four hours of buses, and one hour of horse-drawn carriages, he finally met his talented female classmate Shi Guiping in a small hotel in a town that can no longer remember the name of a town in Beibu City, Liaoning Province, where only a dozen guests can be accommodated. His tireless long-distance climb and sudden "visit" touched XiaoShi burst into tears. That autumn night, even the air was wet and tearful, he opened the emotional floodgates of life for the first time, hugged the first favorite girl in life, Xiao Shi also willingly dedicated a girl's "holy relic" second only to chastity, this "holy relic" is pure and sweet, soft and drunk, precious and golden "first kiss"... "Talented female classmate" Xiao Shi's mother and one of her sisters and three sisters warmly welcomed him, a distinguished guest who came from afar. He was deeply infected by the sincerity and simplicity of this Northeastern family. Every day, they made him a lot of "coarse tea and light rice" with local characteristics of Jixian County, which are simple and cheap, but the taste is unique. The three younger sisters left "brother" right "brother" shouted non-stop, accompanied him to play poker and checkers happily. Even the cheerful brother-in-law left the busy work in the mine and played around with him for two whole days. There is a detail that is very impressive, Xiao Shi wants to lead him to the local market to "open his eyes" to see what is different between the agricultural market in the northeast and the agricultural market in Jinnan, and the poor mother secretly stuffed a small package of red handkerchiefs into her daughter Xiaoshi's pocket. One foot out of the door, very happy Xiaoshi hurriedly opened to let him see what "secret" was hidden inside the small package. He and her met head to head, shoulder to shoulder, and got together, his eyes widened and opened the small package layer by layer: it turned out to be a large pile of renminbi, and this pile of renminbi was surprisingly very large, all made up of one dollar of different colors, old and new, flat, unfolded, thick, like a neatly arranged book of villains. The little stone eyebrows danced and burned, and the slender little hand licked his lips. Then I read the words, counting and counting one by one, for two or three minutes, a total of fifty sheets. After counting, her eyes filled with tears, and she told him that growing so big was the first time she had seen so much money. With good understanding and quick thinking, he suddenly realized how long these fifty yuan needed to be accumulated in such a clean family as theirs. Two sensible children ran around in the lively market for most of the day, and they also encountered a lot of heartwarming and loving items, but they couldn't bear to spend a penny of the old man. In order to show the man's pride, generosity and retention as a souvenir, in the case of her resolute refusal, he spent his thirteen yuan to buy her a very bright and dazzling big red wool scarf, and carefully tied it to her head with his own hands, and the big red scarf flower bloomed on her head, which was very beautiful. Back at home, they returned the fifty-dollar package "to the original owner" intact. During the week in the northeast, he learned about the special situation of shi Guiping, a classmate of the "talented girl", and her family: her parents divorced in the early years, her mother remarried with her five sisters and then gave birth to a daughter with her stepfather, and the mother in the "daughter country" often endured the "oppression" and "humiliation" of her fiery and temperamental stepfather every day in addition to taking on the heavy burden of raising children and handling housework. She and her sisters lived a life under the fence, as long as the stepfather was at home, a few of them did not dare to say a word out loud, and the half-sister undoubtedly became the "little princess" that the five sisters offered in the palm of their hands every day. From elementary school to junior high school to her freshman year of high school, her academic performance has always been in the top three in her grade. However, in order to support herself early and get rid of family difficulties, she was introduced to a junior high school in the town as a Chinese teacher by her teacher's recommendation before the second semester of her first year of high school was completed. She only has a junior high school education, she also teaches junior high school students, she picked the lights at night, combined with "learning and teaching", and finally completed the Chinese teaching task of a class smoothly, and the results were remarkable, which won the "favor" and praise of the teachers and students of the whole school. However, the long-term pressures of family life, teaching tasks, personal emotional stress, malnutrition, premature overdraft of her body, and coughing throughout the year. When they met, she had drunk gentamicin in front of him several times to relieve the discomfort and pain of maintaining her lungs. Her only way to excrete her troubles and bitterness was to find happiness in the junior high school where she worked, sometimes not coming home for two months, and spending all day with her male and female students who were taller than her and were no more than three or two years older than her, chatting, giggling, and learning together. Her students respected and loved her, some called her "Xiaoshi Teacher", some called her "Xiaoshi Sister", and some called her "Xiaoshi Aunt" and "Xiaoshi Talented Girl"... For a long time after returning from the northeast, he never forgot to miss her, and it was difficult to let go. Based on her story (of course, there is also his own "shadow cameo" in the story), he began to write the first 10,000-word romance novel "No Man's Ditch, Mountains, Water, People...". Although the work is childish, it is full of his affection for the girl of his dreams, Shi Guiping, and the novel was later published in an internal literary journal sponsored by his hometown Literary Association, Dumb GuQuan.

So far, more than thirty years have passed in a flash, and the letters that Shi Guiping, the favorite Northeast "talented female classmate", once wrote to him, were full of words and sincere letters, because of many changes in work and repeated moves, all of which could not be found. Only the long-sealed "Dumb Guquan" magazine in the depths of the bookcase is like a senior beauty who has experienced vicissitudes and never aged, such as crying, leisurely Save, reminiscing, and stating a lovely and beautiful northeastern talented woman. However, this short-lived "love affair" between him and the "talented female classmate" Xiaoshi did not have a good situation. The subsequent story was "over", because he involuntarily left the army prematurely and returned to his hometown ——— Wenxi County in Southern Jin. He reluctantly gave up the beautiful life that the commanders of the divisions and regiments of the troops had designed for him: "As long as you do a good job, we will actively create opportunities for you to enter military schools, or transfer volunteers, or transfer workers, and maybe in the future you can still find a girl from Beijing As a target!" ”。 However, he is an "old man with a sharp heart", and when he was six or seven years old, he often fell on his mother's breast to "suckle", and his mother loved him as if he were destined to die, and she did not want him to be too far away from home. When the father of the deputy director of the county health bureau criticized him for many years: "What 'good life' you are talking about is a mirage, a mirror flower and a water moon, and when it can be turned into reality may have to wait until there is no sun and moon in the year." In fact, my father had already received accurate information from the county veteran resettlement class teacher that a veteran like him (whose parents were outside the household registration) could be resettled and worked. And the director, who has a close personal relationship with his father, enthusiastically promised, "Let the child come back early, and once the policy changes next year, it will be too late to settle." If I come back this year, I must have the idea of arranging him to a full public institution. He ended up following his parents' orders: he returned home from the army. Fortunately, the director of the Resettlement Office did not renege on his word, he smoothly ate the finances and entered the county health and epidemic prevention station to publicize the classroom work. Two or three months later, because of more than thirty "tofu block" articles published by provincial and municipal newspapers and radio stations, and because he wrote a four- or five-thousand-word speech for a deputy secretary of the county party committee, he won the recommendation of this leader. After the study and decision of the county party committee secretary's office, the organization department of the county party committee ordered him to be transferred to the county party committee communication group. The morning after receiving the transfer order, the president of a prefectural and municipal medical institution, the Regional People's Hospital, and his father, who were classmates of Jindongnan Medical College, called his father to transfer him to the unit to host an internal newspaper, "Hospital Journal". When he heard the news from his eldest brother that his parents did not want him to work in the city, he quietly got on a bus and ran to the city to find his father's old classmates, and expressed in front of the dean and secretary that he wanted to come to the unit to run the "Academy Journal" well, and even gave the two leaders a big lecture on how to run the "Academy Journal" in a big way. His love of writing and love of newspapers deeply impressed the president and secretary of the regional hospital, and that afternoon, the secretary of the party committee of the county chief who had been the county chief for many years drove to the county, found the secretary of the county party committee and the director of the organization, withdrew the transfer order for him to work in the communication group of the county party committee, and brought his personnel file back to the city overnight. Entering the city, his vision was broadened and he knew more people. He has published a large number of news reports, reportage, novels, poems, etc. in many newspapers and magazines inside and outside the province. At the age of 23, he was elected as the youngest director of the Shanxi Provincial Health Journalists Association, and was hired as a resident and special correspondent by Shanxi Health News, Shanxi Population Daily, Leadership Science Newspaper, and Health Guide magazine. Newspapers and periodicals such as "News and Publications Daily", "Shanxi Daily Newsletter", and "Compilation and Reading Exchanges" sponsored by Yuncheng Daily respectively introduced the stories of his diligent work and dedication to writing under the titles of "Little Lotus Talent Shows Sharp Horns", "Rushing Show Talent", "Twenty-three Years Old and 200,000 Words", etc. The surrounding admiration was incessant, and classmates, comrades-in-arms, and compatriots came and went more frequently. Every three to five years, there will be three or three girls who take the initiative to write to him, call him, and confide in him their admiration. He and a girl surnamed Shao had a "flash of love" scene, when they broke up, the champion of the thirteen counties (cities) nursing knowledge and skills competition in the district, the head of pediatric nurses, stuffed a note ending in English on the door of his door, the words on the note were simple and poetic: "I once wanted to give up my career to help you succeed, but you did not give me this opportunity, my ideal garland was snuffed out by you." Good bye! You former friend" All these "little blessings" drove his state of mind to gradually change. He could not withstand the erosion of the world, felt that his value was high, even Xiao Shao such an excellent and beautiful girl he felt a little uncertain, difficult to agree with himself, how could he come together with a northeastern cold door woman Xiao Shi who had neither an iron rice bowl nor a healthy body, he even thought narrowly about whether once he combined with her, whether the future children would also have health problems. He began to slowly alienate the talented woman Xiaoshi, allowing her many of her three-sheet five-sheet, ten-and-eight-sheet foreign letters to "No Sound" and "Stone Sinking into the Sea". ......

Nowadays, life is unpredictable and life is twisted and turned. Especially when he was in prison, for some reason, he actually saw her in two or three dreams: More than thirty years ago, when he was eighteen years old, he met the talented, gentle, elegant, kind and lovely Northeast girl - Shi Guiping. Do you think about it day or night? Is it the ghost that sent God, or is it the love that is true? His heart was a blur. He forced himself to forget her, because in the time when he was singing all the way and the scenery was infinite, he had served as a leading cadre at the provincial, municipal, and county levels of party and government departments for more than ten years, and she had never attached, envied, followed, or looked for him; he did not have the slightest thought to inquire, nostalgia, miss, and revisit her. Neither of them seems to owe anyone anything. However, really, really, when he was frustrated and frustrated, she walked into his dreamland. He suddenly remembered the words of a sister rui in Hebei who was like a mother: "The people who can walk into your dreamland are often those who once cherished you very much and those who you once cherished very much." He had experimented many times, and the more he forced himself never to think about her, the clearer her voice, smile, demeanor, and speech became, and the more angular she shone into his eyes, especially the shadow of her hand holding a cup, drinking water to relieve cough and slightly bending down, and the shadow of her writing made him penetrate his bones and never forget again. He guessed that all this might be a fateful arrangement, a divine will. When he finally has time, energy, mood, and tears to gradually save the true meaning of life and understand the world, he also finally understands what is true, good, and beautiful in the world, and what is really black, evil, and ugly.

At this moment, he even estimated with great guilt that the reason for this heart-pounding ordeal in his life may also contain the spiritual indebtedness and emotional calf to the northeastern girl. He thanked God and his conscience and did not forget to remind and ask him: He should deeply apologize to Shi Guiping, the pure like snow, the white like jade, the natural like lotus, the beautiful like a flower, the clear like water, and the kind northeast talented woman like a silkworm, Shi Guiping, who met and met at the age of eighteen more than thirty years ago, when he was eighteen years old, and who could basically be called known (although it was not long).

A bright morning. He was neatly dressed, clean-headed, and stood with his hands folded in the middle of the playground of the prison garden for a long time. Facing northeast, he closed his eyes and prayed silently. Pray that a weeping beauty who is now as helpless as him in Liaoning North Drift, the erosion and baptism of time, and the slowly growing old, pray that she will always have a healthy, healthy, disease-free body; pray that she will always have a husband who is close to her heart and knows cold and heat; pray that she will always have a happy, happy, filial piety and kindness of the child; pray that she will always have a pure heart every day, a comfortable life in the month and the month. He even prayed that on the day he stepped out of the big wall, he would be able to read some of her famous and fragrant words... oh. He was so nostalgic, when he was eighteen, the Green Barracks received a copy of the "Study Herald" from the Anhui Youth Literature College. Because there is such a natural feminine, transparent and fragrant girl's name on it - Shi Guiping. This beautiful name and herself have given him many unforgettable emotions, sweetness, joy... August 15-16, 2017