My secret is that I think of death countless times, feel that it is very boring to live, and I don't know what I am doing alive! Good depression at work, very much want to quit work, but quit the job how the family lived, three children have to pay tuition! Husband for more than three years has no income, now is still engaged in rental, a month to earn enough for him, I am really tired, so tired, for him to owe more than 200,000 credit cards, overdue for more than half a year, a person to work, no rest, every day overtime, these things I should do, a he said divorce, not I am afraid of divorce, but divorced my three children how to do, how pitiful! So tired and tired, sometimes I really want to die a hundred! Don't live so tired! The eldest child is 14 years old, the younger one is only 4 years old!
In fact, I am the same as you, very depressed, inferior, every day can not open, the second marriage, or unhappy, all said let me have another child, but, he can't, not yet responsible, for people to deal with the world is very bad, will not care about me, everything needs me to worry, he does not care, I am not in good health, afraid that if I have a child is also my tired, too hard, even if one day I collapse and commit suicide, the child is bitter, it is better not to! Hey, countless times I thought about it for a hundred times, and I disappeared when I couldn't think of it one day, but I was afraid that my parents would be sad, so I forced myself to endure, and then endured, I almost couldn't hold on
In elementary school and junior high school, my classmates laughed at me for my flaws, and now I will remember the way they laughed at me, I remember it vividly, I didn't dare to speak up when I encountered the salty pig's claw, I was cowardly, introverted, sensitive, extreme, defensive against anyone, and did not trust anyone. I want to be a shining star among the people, but I am afraid of the gaze and discussion of others. I felt that my future would be dark, I didn't tell anyone, all of them were held in my heart, it was very uncomfortable, every time I couldn't hold back, I talked to myself, I solved it myself, and I thought about suicide many times.
As a teenager, I went out to work, fell in love with a local peer, thin and tall, somehow just liked, and didn't know where people were good, and it was not clear whether it was a ghost obsession. Later, when I returned to my hometown, I would often think of him, think of that place, think of whether the flowers there had bloomed, and whether the sea was developed. My heart ached faintly, and I didn't cry less in the first ten years. After all these years, some ideas seem to have changed, think about it carefully, the original favorite may be a thin and tall image, like the slender fingers...
I grew up carefree, I met him when I was seventeen or eighteen, my first love is now my husband, in addition to being handsome, there is no advantage, at that time somehow the iron heart followed him, everyone in the family opposed and useless, it turns out that everyone will pay for their own behavior, twenty years, for the family to worry about me, I am already weak, I don't know which day will fall... I am not afraid of suffering or death, I only feel indebted to my parents and children, never mentioned it to anyone, and on the surface I have to pretend to be fine, and hide from tears when there is only one person.