How do families communicate? Why is it that even if you are middle-aged, sometimes the communication process with people is still unconsciously aggrieved or angry? How do I talk to my partner and communicate something for years, and the other person doesn't seem to receive my message? What should I pay attention to when talking to my child so that I can communicate effectively rather than gamble with each other?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="3" > nonviolent communication SOP: Observe → feelings→ need to → requests</h1>
How to speak well is a lifelong task. Among them, "observation" is very important, "is not to bring any emotions, just to say clearly what things, that is, what to see or hear, so how does it feel?"
Psychologist Lai Peixia recalled that when her daughter was about 10 years old, the mother and daughter agreed that they could not play on the computer after 10 o'clock at night. Later, when her daughter was "unreasonable" with her, Lai Peixia told her daughter: "On what day we have agreed that the computer will be turned off at 10 o'clock." If you feel wrong now, and you're angry, let's not talk about it, and when you're not angry, we can revisit whether we want to make some changes to such rules."
Of course, her daughter was very unhappy that day, but after her mood stabilized the next day, Lai Peixia asked her daughter if she wanted to change the rules, and her daughter had already calmly thought about it, and replied: "No, that's my problem."
By speaking well, let the other party feel "I care about you", and be willing to let the other party know from the attitude that you are worth my thoughts and slowly telling you, which is the basis of good communication.
"Talking is not about getting each other into trouble, so there will be no accusations or insults." I care about this, so I'll tell you about it. If it doesn't work, just let me know. I just want to share with you how I feel." Lai Peixia explained.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="10" > talk well: don't scold people, don't complain, just say what you want to say</h1>
The same is true of communication with your partner. Li Yiting, an expert in parent-child parenting, said that as a mother and daughter-in-law, she knows that traditionally women will celebrate the New Year at her husband's house, but in her heart she actually wants to go home for the New Year, especially after my father is in his 80s, every year he and his husband have proposed, "Why do women have to be in the in-laws' house when they get married, then I can't go home for the New Year once I get married in this life."
At first, Mr. Li replied, "The rules were all like this," and after talking for several years, one day, Mr. Li suddenly realized, "You tell me about this every year, do you really want to go home?" If you're really serious, then I'll talk to my parents."
Li Yiting finally returned home for the New Year when her father was 90 years old, and that was also the last Spring Festival before her father's death, leaving touching memories. She realized, "If you really yearn for this and express your inner desires seriously, the whole world will come to help you."
Lai Peixia is very sure of Li Yiting's continuous expression, "I attach great importance to communication, but frankly, the result is not the most important, the process is important." For example, like Yi Ting's expression process with Mr. Yi Ting, you have been heard. Or in the dialogue, it is important for the gentleman to receive, "I know it's very difficult, but please take this matter to heart."
She also reminds:
1. When speaking, make a clear statement without any emotional words.
2. No matter how the other party ridicules and ridicules, you must be very stable inside yourself, and you must be very self-respecting about the language you speak. Sometimes people are angry, they talk nonsense, they lose their self-respect, they don't respect themselves, and others don't respect them
3. There is a model in the mind, and as long as you follow this model, you can make it very clear.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="19" > communication is not about winning but about expressing ideas steadily</h1>
Li Yiting, who is good at parent-child dialogue, also shared that Satir's consistent communication also has the same magic, with the mantra "Communication is not to prove that you are right, so there is no need to argue on the basis of reason, as long as you stably express your inner thoughts."
Language is very powerful, be kind to yourself, and start by speaking well.