Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 3 Career Choice: Listen to Your Own, Or Listen to Your Parents".
Text: (continued above)
After spring break, Jiahui returned to see me.
After the greeting, I asked her how she was going back to talk.
"Alas, I have listened carefully to my father. At first he wondered why I had become so obedient, and praised me for starting to understand things and how to please my father. He said that I had a lot of brains since I was a child, and I was a good material for being a lawyer. He said he wanted me to be a lawyer because he wanted me to be a successful American and to be admired. He said he knew I wasn't interested in the law, but an interest could be cultivated. When my uncle first studied law, he was not interested in law, but now his interest is great, and he earns a lot of money..." Jia Hui gushed endlessly.
"So do you think this conversation has helped you in communicating your thoughts?" When Jiahui finished I asked her.
"Yes and no." Jia Hui pouted and said, "At least Dad is talking to me now, not as excited as before, and he can listen to me." Dad always said he didn't want me to be an idealist, but a realist. Because American society doesn't need idealists. Dad also said that his biggest concern was to make me successful in my career so that life would be meaningful. ”
"Oh? It's interesting. Your dad says his biggest concern is that you can succeed in your career. Has he ever said anything like that before?" I asked Jiahui.
"Nothing." Jiahui didn't understand why I asked that.
"That sentence is very important, perhaps, this is the biggest gain of your earnest conversation with your father." I tip.
"How do you say that?" Jiahui asked.
"Because it shows that your dad is starting to understand you." I replied.
"I still don't understand what you mean." Jiahui said again.
"If you think about it, your dad used to think that you can only succeed in your career if you were a lawyer, and now he says that what he cares about most is that you can succeed in your career. But he didn't say that this career would necessarily be a lawyer. Don't you think that's a big change?" I inspired Jiahui to say.
"Yeah, I feel like my dad is loose too. If that's the case, it's great!" Jiahui clapped her hands and then said, "Now that I remember, Dad also said that no matter what you do, as long as you concentrate on doing it, you will always succeed." Is Dad really changing his mind?"
"Either way, it's a great start, because you and dad can really exchange ideas, and I'm really happy for you." I smiled and said.
"Wow, I'm so happy today, so happy!" JiaHui's face began to blush with excitement.
"What do you think made your dad start to change his attitude?" I took the opportunity to ask Jiahui.
"It's not like you said, you have to listen more and understand more." Jiahui learned my tone and said, the corners of her mouth flashed a smile of embarrassment.
After a pause, she said, "Now I understand the power of the proactive attack you are talking about." In fact, people are the first to respect him, he will respect you. Although it is a family, it is the same reason. What I used to say to my father was to turn a deaf ear to it, and as a result, he went out of his way to tell me about law school. Now that I listen carefully to him, he is no longer as stubborn as before, and it is really strange that people are. ”
"Therefore, communication is the key to opening the door of the human soul." I conclude.
Next, I further discussed with Jiahui how to achieve career success to promote the communication of ideas between Jiahui and her father. I asked Jiahui to list her strengths and weaknesses in both writing and being a lawyer, analyze which side she had a greater chance of success, and then go and exchange ideas with her father.
In order to help Jiahui communicate successfully with her father again, we did another role-playing exercise. This time, I played the father, and Jiahui played herself. During the conversation, I tried to ask Jiahui a variety of difficult questions and helped her analyze how to answer them appropriately.
After making such preparations, Jiahui took advantage of the weekend to go back to see her father and exchange her ideas with him. Before leaving, I also called Jiahui and asked her if she had the confidence to negotiate well.
"Yes," she replied cheerfully, "because I was comparing the pros and cons of the two professions with my father, not rejecting him, so I didn't have to worry." ”
"You're so right." I applauded.
unscramble:
Communication is the key to opening the door of the human heart.
In the world, not only do humans have communication and need to communicate, but animals will also communicate and communicate with each other by making different calls. For example: bats and dolphins use ultrasound to communicate and prey; birds communicate through calls, and the scream that warns predators to come is also an auditory communication contact; spiders spread information through vibrations, male spiders want to mate and must go to the web to find objects, before going online, male spiders will make a similar "plucking string" action, plucking the web wire to send out a certain vibration, according to which the female spider can judge whether it is prey or courtship object. Of course, it is still the function of human language, which is more conducive to communication and emotional contact.
There are actually quite a few forms of human communication. For example, diplomatic notes, commercial trade, and various negotiations between the two countries in the international arena are all conveying information, communicating views, and ultimately aligning interests.
Of course, communication between family members in human society is the most common, just like the dialogue between Jiahui and her father in this chapter. Through communication, constantly expressing your own ideas, while changing in the communication at the right time, this is positive communication, but also the best result of communication.
So what are the skills for positive communication? Let's discuss it here.
I think that the first thing to do is to create a positive and harmonious conversation atmosphere: a harmonious conversation atmosphere, so that everyone can maintain a rational state of communication, do not be emotional. Only by making everyone feel that this is a fair communication, not a paternalistic, winner-style command to the loser, can we maintain a pleasant mood and express our opinions.
Second, create a positive communication situation, that is, an environment suitable for communication. If the family is angry, you may touch a nose of ash when you go to communicate; if the family is eating, don't communicate, otherwise the family will put the bowl aside, you will be stupid, maybe you are still angry.
Third, we must learn to listen, listen to the family to finish speaking, and do not rush to interject and interrupt the other party's speech.
What experience do you have about today's reading, welcome to communicate!
October 30, 2021 #Counselor said #