After dinner, the daughter sat down at the piano as usual and began to play the new music taught by the teacher. In order to cultivate my daughter's all-round development, I helped her enroll in a piano class when she was four years old, and now that she has been studying for more than a year, the results are obvious.
I was washing dishes in the kitchen when I suddenly heard the piano stop, and I saw my daughter angrily throw the sheet music aside, and then she cried on the piano. She said to me that if the play is not good, the teacher will definitely say her, I comforted her, now the teacher teaches more and more difficult, it is normal to not remember for a while, if you are worried, I will tell the teacher that you have worked very hard.
Unexpectedly, my daughter actually shouted at me: Don't tell the teacher, you are stupid! I suddenly realized that I must have said something wrong to make my child's emotions run out of control. But what's wrong?
<h1>In fact, many times children need not only superficial comfort, but also hope that parents can go into their hearts and truly know what they need</h1>
1. Parents misjudge their children's feelings? It is especially important to understand the "iceberg theory"
In the "iceberg theory", what emerges on the surface of the water is people's behavior, so this directly determines people's attitude towards things. But in fact, below the surface of the water, the main body of the iceberg is extremely large, containing people's feelings, opinions, expectations, desires and egos, because parents can not see directly, so it is often ignored.
This requires parents to peek through the water to see the situation under the iceberg, so that they can know the child's inner thoughts and resonate with the child.
2. In the face of children's difficulties, parents must not only see the icebergs on the surface of the water
The following mistakes parents should remember not to make:
Parents guide their children to accept their bad selves
When children encounter difficulties, parents often feel sorry for their children, so they will mistakenly act in a way that denies their children's ability. Just as I told my daughter that sheet music is inherently difficult, this is not necessarily an encouragement to children, but indirectly helps them escape difficulties and make them accept their unsuccessful selves.
The right approach is to help children find the cause of the difficulty, which includes both positive and negative factors, only by finding the root of the problem from the essence, can the child really know which aspect of the deficiency, of course, see a better self.
Parents blindly believe in their children
Many parents do not depend on the difficulty of things, but blindly encourage children you are great, you can do, although this can make children increase a certain degree of confidence, but because parents ignore the difficulty of the difficulty itself, so many times with the child's ability can not cope at all, then the child will have self-doubt, invisibly have a lot of pressure.
At this time, parents should be on the same channel as the child, so that they can really see the problem from the child's point of view and understand the child's real thoughts. Instead of blindly encouraging the child, it is better to affirm the existence of difficulties first, and then work with the children to formulate ways to deal with the difficulties, and have a plan to let the children approach success step by step.
At this time, parents can use the principle of small steps, that is, to divide a large goal into multiple small goals, so that it will be easier to achieve, so that the child's self-confidence will be greatly increased, and after tasting the taste of success, they will work harder and harder.
Parents always see only their children's mistakes in their eyes
Many parents have an unconscious correction psychology, and perhaps the child does a good job most of the time in a thing, but as long as there is a little flaw, the parents will keep an eye on it. In this way, it is easy for children to fall into inferiority, think that they can't do anything well, and thus ignore their own shining points.
At this time, parents should learn to look at the problem with the perspective of development, find out the cause of the child's deficiency, rather than just staring at the phenomenon of inadequacy itself. Parents should know that there is no perfect person in the world, so we must learn to accept the imperfection of our children, after all, many times even we can't do our best, and what to ask for our children?
If parents can not see the iceberg part under the water for a long time, then such neglect will inevitably have a negative impact on the child's psychology, even if they look normal after adulthood, but in fact, in their hearts have planted the seeds of self-blame, encounter difficulties often blame themselves, naturally it is difficult to get real happiness.
Only by learning to go into the inner world of children can we cultivate a truly optimistic, positive, healthy and happy good child.