At the end of the 2017 feature film Call Me By Your Name, Elio's father said something like this:
Look you had a beautiful friendship.
Maybe more than a friendship.
And I envy you.
In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, to pray that their sons land on their feet.
But I am not such a parent. In your place, if there is pain, nurse it.
And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out.
Don’t be brutal with it.
We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new.
But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything -what a waste!
Screenshot of "Call Me By Your Name"
This passage left a deep impression on the author, and even once regarded the last sentence as a reason for doing everything.
"But what a waste to not feel in order to make yourself feel nothing!"
When the words were finished, Elio sat alone in front of the fire and wept.
Selfishly put a crying sweet tea
People always have a thousand reasons to retreat, but they can also rely on one reason to believe and give their whole body to a relationship. People always taste a thousand tastes in love, and this attempt is something that people are happy to do before they are hurt, and perhaps it is a human instinct.
But from the author's own experience, I am happy and willing to bear the different consequences of each relationship, happy or sad, it doesn't matter what others say, those feelings are and only my precious experience.
However, I overlooked one thing, and all along, the sadness that was spoken was only spoken after I digested it over and over again. Many times, I can share happy things with my friends in real time, because I immediately feel the spread of an emotion in the moment of happiness. But there is a delay in sad emotions.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > In the summer of 1993, Frida lost her mother. </h1>
Summer of Nine-Three (aka Summer of '93) is an autobiographical film that I met in theater as the opening film of this winter's Spanish Film Festival.
Poster of the international edition of "Summer of 93"
When it comes to Spanish films, the first thing that comes to mind is "The Invisible Guest", "Mirage", "Perfect Stranger" this type of movie, I don't know much about this country, and I don't have more experience with this country's movies. After watching the movie, you can understand what you are talking about.
In the long, almost asleep handheld camera, it is easy to understand the plot: the girl Frida Frida has lost her mother, and her uncle and aunt have adopted her. Although aunt Marga, uncle Estevev, and cousin Anna Anna are all very good to Frida, after all, it is not easy to enter a new family.
Aunt Marga and Uncle Esterve
The film treats the "loss" very lightly, the "why not cry" when her childhood partner asked her did not respond, the picture after moving away from the old residence is more to describe the beautiful moments of the childhood, and the summer light and shadow in Spain are also frozen by the camera. Between the details, in addition to the triviality of adult life, there are children's confusion and incomprehension of the unknown world.
Stills from Summer of Nine-Three - Anna and Frida
The film mentions that Frida's mother "has a disease", but does not indicate what the disease is, and the curator mentions that Frida's mother suffers from AIDS during the post-screening conversation. As mentioned earlier, this is an autobiographical film inspired by the real-life experiences of director Carla Simon Pippo. Young Frida may not understand why the playmates were told by their parents to avoid her after she fell and bled, but when I grew up, I naturally understood how moving my aunt Marga's action of holding Frida was.
Marga held the injured Frida
Even when we grow up, we don't know how to learn the lesson of death education, let alone what to do with a young child. Frida listened to her grandmother and prayed daily, hoping that her mother, who was not around, would hear her. What was the girl thinking? She kept making moves to attract the attention of adults: showing off her dolls, throwing away her aunt's comb, picking vegetables and asking for credit, playing hide-and-seek to skim her cousins, spilling milk on her pajamas she didn't like, running away from home...
Frida spilled the milk
These childish, unadulterated acts are not incomprehensible, and all a child who says goodbye to a familiar past can do is a desire for love and attention. Frida is found by her sister Anna before she runs away, And Frida says she wants to go back to her home, and Anna asks her, "Why?" Frida replied, "Because no one here loves me," and Anna whispered, "But I love you."
Anna says to Frida, "I love you."
It was getting late, and Frida, who couldn't see the road clearly, planned to run away from home the next day. Maybe it's just because of the fear of the dark, or maybe it's because I got the affirmative answer of being loved. It's hard for adults to resist Anna's soft and sticky "I love you," let alone Frida, who longs to be loved.
"It's too dark"
Sure that she was loved, Frida no longer treated her uncle's family as she had done before. The sincere feedback of children after being treated with true feelings is an inevitable and gentle result.
The end of the film is also the climax of the film, and it was never thought that the film would end in a sudden outburst of crying. It seems that Frida at that moment is the embodiment of every injured child and adult, and those grievances, sadness, and loneliness are all brought out of the body by tears, and after crying, they are reconciled with the past.
Frida cried
Elio's father said, "What a waste to make ourselves feel nothing and not to feel", but more often than not, it is not that we have closed ourselves, but that the feeling of sadness has not yet spread, just like Frida in "Summer of Nine-Three", and the tears that should have come long ago after the crazy laugh came.
Frida was delighted to the paste
Sometimes the pressure of the three mountains of work, family and society is suffocating, and now it is no longer the same young age that can cry anytime and anywhere, whenever you want. I don't know when I can cry again, but I hope that the moment of crying will not be disturbed by the world.
Before that, try to perceive the world and embrace your own losses and gains. Happiness is immediate, sadness may be a bad signal with a delay, no need to be anxious, some tears, it is time to come. Those moments of crying and crying, there is no need to be ashamed and guilty for them, those moments are precious.