I was born in a small county town on the fourth and fifth lines, my grandparents were farmers, and now I am older and live on the subsidies of my children. Mom and Dad are ordinary workers, there are three children in the family, in addition to me and my sister, there is a younger brother who is in elementary school. By the way, my sister is in college.
Yes, the above is my family profile, as you can see, I am the ordinary and negligible kind of existence in the billions of Chinese. But since I was a child, I have been a popular woman, I have drawn a particularly beautiful blueprint for myself, I will become the chairman who controls the death of hundreds of people, the daily turnover is tens of thousands, and the daily work is to make phone calls in the company, change documents, and do socializing after work, similar to this fantasy. Now think about it at that time, it was really naïve, always feel that a few million is small money, haha. Until, I finally stumbled out of college, thinking back to my past 20 years, I was able to go to high school safely because my grandparents earned money from selling coolies and saved up every penny. I was able to get through high school safely because of the teacher's love and my own tenacious struggle, and I did so much child labor. Being able to go to college smoothly is also the idea of my grandparents working hard to thrive on their own. You ask me, what about my parents? Oh, I have a pair of parents who don't know much about things, they can't take care of themselves, they may have forgotten that there is a daughter of mine. You see, just over the years ago, they told me that life is not easy.
In fact, I have been complaining for two years as early as possible, why other children have the love of their parents, and people can live a life that I cannot imagine without work. And my parents didn't give me love, didn't give me material things, and even I didn't have much affection for them, in my world, my grandparents were my harbor. I hated my sister because she was brought up by her parents and was pampered, and I didn't. I also hate my brother, who is almost the treasure in my parents' hands in this era of son preference. His pair of shoes was the price of my clothes, and I seemed to have become unusually ugly, jealous, angry, in short, all my negative emotions broke the dike in that instant. I started complaining, went to the hospital, and was mildly depressed. (Originally, I didn't want to write in the text, nor did it mean to attract attention, but it was my experience, my precipitation.) ）
It wasn't until later that I graduated from college and went to work as a tour guide, and under the double fatigue of body and mind, I temporarily forgot about the sad spring and autumn, and of course, there was a sudden variety of pressures, I wondered if this is the world of adults? Want to buy something for my grandparents, count the days I pay my salary, day by day, just like when I was a child looking forward to the New Year, really on that day, the salary was divided into countless parts, rent, water and electricity, living expenses. After the season, you may be reluctant to change your clothes and shoes, look at your friends and colleagues around you, and do not repeat the same clothes and shoes and bags every day. After work, barbecue hot pot plus bungee, I lived like a relatively free "beggar".
Three points and one line, companies, supermarkets, rental houses. Three plus one salary, three thousand basic salary plus performance, just like this I struggle in this so-called big city. Occasionally I can go back to my childhood, when I was very tired and hard at work, in my dreams, my grandparents would hold me, I was still very young, as long as I was happy to eat sugar, sad to cry. There is no scolding and grinning of the leader, no emotion of envy, no pain of squeezing the bus and subway every day, only remembering that the sky in the dream is very blue, and the birds are very cheerful. But when you wake up, it's 7 o'clock, you should get up and wash up, otherwise you can't catch the subway, and you have to deduct money when you are late, and you have to dry it for a few hours. To borrow the phrase, "When I was a child, I was so stupid that I wanted to grow up." ”
Despite this, I still live tenaciously, occasionally calling out to one or two friends, putting on a few bottles, picking up a few strings, talking about the life and experience of fucking eggs, and no one will remember when I wake up the next day anyway. Think about it, what I experienced is the tip of the iceberg, at least I am alone now, no car loans and mortgages and children, at least in many adults, I am still relaxed, think about life full of chicken feathers, my life seems to have received a bitter drama. This year, I am only in my 20s, and it seems that I have already spent a long life. Of course, there are many times when I really want to choose to leave, but I can always find the light that comes through at a certain moment, and I rely on the occasional light of that point to move forward with difficulty.
Writing this, I seem to have been talking about my misfortune, but in life, it seems that misfortune is the norm.
The 80-year-old father is still working hard to treat his son with cancer, the 70-year-old mother is still picking up bottles to pay off debts, and there are many stories like this, and I am just in a bad mood, the doctor said that I am just sick, life, which has a smooth sailing.
I always felt wronged, in every way, I gave everyone a yellow card and didn't want to have too much intersection. In this way I feel safe, like, I like corners when I sleep, and I have to hold a big quilt in the summer. I stubbornly thought that my misfortune would get better as long as I locked myself up, but time was still going, and I didn't stay for me, and it was more than two years since I graduated from college, and I still lived that life, or three points and one line, or envying the lives of others. But the only difference is that now I have begun to learn to accept, to learn to communicate, even if it is not a one-time thing, but I am still on the road to continuous change. Just like me now in the code text, at least before I wouldn't have been willing to expose myself so bluntly, because I would think he was insecure. The rest of the days are so long, maybe I will still be the same me.
But what is this, life, don't you live like this?