We have all learned a very philosophical sentence of Mr. Lu Xun: "If you do not erupt in silence, you will perish in silence." ”
In interpersonal communication, it is not difficult to basically do not use coercive means. Although people will succumb to the whip, it is only superficial obedience, but the heart is full of complex feelings of rebellion and hatred.
Not only emotionally, but also in daily life, there is a phenomenon of restrictions on the dissemination of correct information.
For leaders, most people are willing to pick words that the other party likes and caters to the other party, and try to avoid saying things that make the other party unhappy or may reduce their own value. This is called the "MUM effect."
The focus of the silence effect
The misuse of coercion will only lead to silence.
The coercive means in the silent effect refer not only to the coercive behavior of action, but also to the verbal and spiritual compulsion.
Coercive behavior, not only refers to coercive means, but also includes verbal and attitude contempt, disregard, and even cold violence, which will make the parties feel suppressed.
In the long run, both emotionally and at work, coercive means should be avoided.
In the work, if there is no channel for employees to give feedback and suggestions, but to ignore the various opinions and suggestions put forward by employees, and even to suppress those employees who reasonably express their demands through normal channels, employees will begin to remain silent.
Because it is common for people to seek advantage and avoid harm, employees will think that they cannot risk their own interests to tell the truth. Over time, employees either remain silent or pick up good words.
In the workplace, this is very dangerous, mistakes are a source of information, if you can face it, you can know what mistakes should be paid attention to next time, after the staff makes mistakes in the work, because of the fear of the majesty of the boss and remain silent, so that the boss can not get the correct information, will directly lead to the deterioration of the relationship between employees and leaders, but also because the mistakes can not be corrected in time and cause major losses in the future.
Therefore, from the perspective of leadership, we should not put too much pressure on subordinates, when subordinates make mistakes, since mistakes have occurred, there is no need to raise eyebrows, lose the demeanor of leadership, and cannot solve substantive problems.
As an employee, no one wants to make mistakes, but mistakes are unavoidable for anyone, and what is important is the attitude to face and deal with mistakes.
There is no doubt that if mistakes are silenced, they can lead to errors being added to them. The first mistake is a work mistake, and the second mistake is a work attitude, so, in essence, adding a mistake to a mistake is equivalent to covering up the original small mistake with a bigger mistake.
It is even more important not to pretend to be unaware after there is a work mistake, or to push the responsibility on others to evade or conceal the mistake. If so, then the mistake will not only have no value, but will snowball and grow bigger and bigger, and it may eventually become a big mistake.
The silence effect is also common in couples. For example, in a family, if a wife actively and actively feedback to her husband on all aspects of her family life, such as mother-in-law problems, in-laws and daughters-in-law problems, problems with relatives, children's education problems, etc., I hope that the husband can give opinions and suggestions and come forward to solve them.
This was originally a relatively good phenomenon, because the wife did not choose drastic means to deal with these problems, but hoped to solve them in a more reasonable way through effective communication.
However, if the husband shows a very impatient attitude towards the questions raised by his wife, he thinks that the wife is making a big fuss and has nothing to do, and even thinks that the wife's feedback is creating family disputes and provoking family conflicts.
Instead of facing these problems squarely, they deal with them coldly in attitude, with a tone of reproach and sarcasm in their words, and even some husbands will use violent means to treat their wives in order to maintain so-called family harmony.
In the long run, wives who have repeatedly responded to invalid feedback will generally choose silence, because she will find that silence is the most effective way to protect herself, and she can't afford to hide, after the wife is silent, the husband does not hear the wife's feedback again, and the family seems to have really become harmonious.
But is that really the case? In fact, no, the problems of the family are still there, and they will not disappear with the silence of the wife, they will quietly accumulate in a silence, accumulate more and more, and finally, if they do not erupt in silence, they will perish in silence.
In the education of children, the "silent effect" is most easily ignored by parents, resulting in the outbreak of hidden dangers accumulated by the "silent effect", parents will be overwhelmed, thinking that it is just accidental, in fact, it is the causal relationship brought about by their own education.
Children in the process of communication remain silent, refuse to accept the information transmitted by parents, parents' education will have no effect on the child, and even will have a counter-effect, the relationship between parents and children gradually relaxed, until disintegration.
And the child can not give feedback because of the refusal to accept, parents can not make adjustments to the solution to the problem, or misunderstanding, thinking that the child has received and accepted their own educational information, so that the problem has a wrong way to solve, sow the wrong seed, the future will be because of this seed and cause a series of consequences.
In the process of silence, children only temporarily suppress themselves and give in, hiding and accumulating their own bad emotions, deepening the contradictions with their parents.
If you do not pay attention to the catharsis of emotions and let these emotions control their behavior, they will one day explode their bad emotions because of a very small fuse, and may make some extreme behaviors that cannot be controlled.
When communicating, parents should pay attention to their attitude, tone and words, and know that the purpose of communication is to solve problems, not to simply vent emotions.
As far as possible, let the child and his own emotions be calm and stable, let the child freely express his true thoughts, rather than because of the parent's emotional hints and guidance, deliberately say some words that conform to the parents' emotions, and give wrong communication information, which will make the solution of things worse because of communication.
Hee-hee psychology
In the process of daily communication with people, we need to pay attention to each other's emotional state.
Psychologically, silence is a passive resistance of an individual forced by the identity, verbal violence, and behavioral violence of the other party.
If the other party makes a mistake, the first thing that comes to mind should be how to propose emergency measures, rather than keeping the other party silent. Because silence doesn't help you solve things, it just gets you into a situation where you can't understand the actual situation.