Unrequited love, unforgotten love
Source: Fujian Nandamen official website ◎ Shen Xixing
The annual Lantern Festival, people or family, or invite friends to travel warmly and festively, enjoy the warm spring light of the New Year, and fully create and enjoy the harmonious social environment atmosphere of the elegant life of the first fifteen long moons after the New Year.
But at this time, I always have an extra emotional surround, a kind of self-inhibition that makes my legs heavy and can't suppress the listless knot of heart that wants to fall apart. I really want to tell you about the love that has been buried deep in my heart for many years, and all the reasons for the twists and turns, whether the family you formed after we broke up is now happy.
We will never forget that we met each other and fell in love at first sight during one of the spring rainy seasons of that year. I don't know if it is my personable personality, or the focus of the old officer who attracts your heart, or the image of you as a young girl who is in the cardamom age, and who is not delicate and gentle and elegant in your career, gives me great favor and love.
At that time, you and I, or walking through the garden hand in hand or snuggling in the snuggle room to talk, hugging and kissing each other, full of sweet and peachy spring feelings, the budding passion promoted the smoothness of the work. Witnessing under the moon before the flower, we all look forward to the future of a happy family for our wives and husbands and children after a happy marriage, and the prospect of a sweet and happy life has become a bamboo in our chests. In short, at that time, we seemed to be the most envied and happy couple in people's minds.
Many good times in the world are often overlooked and forgotten or not cherished. In another rainy spring sun, the tide stretches the beach around a coastline; the sea breeze is clear and the waves are gentle; this is an undeveloped remote harbor where few fishermen cast nets on fishing boats, and only occasionally a few small sampans are seen shading anglers waiting for the fish to be hooked. Facing the endless ocean of the sea, approaching you and me side by side, as if immersed in the blueprint depicting the journey of life that we will walk together in the future; what a vast and magnificent ocean, how beautiful poetry! The dawn covers the eyes and condenses, and the white clouds listen to the love words; you say that your first opening sinus burns for me until the sea withers and stones rot, "But you are like the rising sun, which will always warm my heart and spleen, and it is my lover who has been with me all my life with a white head and an old lover!" "I respond affectionately to the vows of the mountains and the sea.
Whether it is this time we agreed to make a routine, take advantage of the work leisure on Sunday, meet and go to the south gate of the Hometown Lansheng District Tielu Port to watch the sea, or enjoy the summer lotus in front of the Nanshan Temple on a hot day, or climb the bright mountain in autumn to greet the bright moon, in each tour, talk about love and love, and enjoy and forget the scene, its scene is still fresh in my memory.
Maybe there is a distance between reality and ideals, and maybe it is difficult for people to survive forever in self-intoxicated self-confidence. In the traditional Chinese United States, those who are children and love their parents are not only reflected in their daily concerns about food, clothing, shelter and transportation, but also conform to their parents and obey their words and even become the first golden jade of filial piety of the Son of Man.
Just as the winter season of the same year is about to pass faster and faster on the last day, clinging to our private booking for life, in fact, we are getting farther and farther away from the dream of ascending to the hall of divine wedding! The love of the first love, seeing that it is about to be cultivated, everything is conceived too perfectly; that night, you and I were drunk and Simmons, crying with joy all night, hugging the group and intimacy, like glue like lacquer for a long time.
However, good things are not only more grinding, but also more people who do not fulfill people's wishes. In view of the local folk customs of southern Fujian, the marriage of young men and women must go through the procedure of "engagement", which is the permission confirmation of the parents and families of both parties. You can imagine your beautiful, shy, and anxious state of anticipation in these days; in order to achieve my goal of choosing the person of my choice as a lifelong partner, I do patient persuasion work with my family, especially my parents, every day, and argue with reason; moreover, I deeply understand the reason why my parents prevented me from choosing beautiful women on my own. It is not that my parents are poor and love the rich, nor that there is any prejudice or criticism of your future daughter-in-law, only because in the minds of their elders, they have already found another daughter-in-law.
It turned out that when my father was young, he had thrown in a pen and served in a combat unit in the far north. Once, when the father's detachment of the unit was on a field combat mission, in a fierce encounter with the enemy, the soldiers of the father's squad fought bravely to kill the enemy; after being ordered to retreat, the father accidentally fell behind and fell into the siege of a small group of enemies, just when he was on the verge of a desperate situation, just when a comrade in his hometown who was also lost and lost, did not hesitate to risk the battle on the periphery to cover the breakthrough of my father' siege, and under his brave and resourceful strategy, my father finally broke out wounded. Returning to the army safely with their comrades-in-arms, it is considered to be a life from the dead; the two of them have since formed a friendship of life and death!
Later, my father and my old comrades-in-arms successively changed jobs and were demobilized and returned to their hometowns, and were placed in different positions in the same unit, which further consolidated the deep friendship between them. The two old comrades-in-arms, and therefore after they had their own families and children, the old feudal consciousness agreed to my father's initiative of being grateful for the finger-and-belly marriage of the picture newspaper, and had always expected me to grow up and marry the daughter of his old comrade-in-arms, so as to fulfill the wish of the previous generation to marry as a family.
Yes, I have to admit that in my young hazy memory, all the efforts of my parents poured into me for my growth, and the husband and wife of my father and old comrades-in-arms also regarded me as if they were out of my heart, caring and loving. And I grew up with her daughter and played very pleasantly, this is based on the close contact between the parents of both sides, giving us children the opportunity to contact and socialize; as I grew up to be polite and polite with the governor of the book, and the Tingting Yuli who was also out of her childhood, the fathers took it for granted that this was a pair of two little guesses and green plum bamboo horses, and I did not know that I always regarded her as a little sister, nothing more, not thinking about it.
In those days, the constant communication with my parents was repeatedly dispersed, and my emotions were like the cold winter at that time. In the blink of an eye, I heard that my father's old comrade-in-arms suddenly had a heart attack; in just a few tens of minutes, the changes made both of our families infinitely sad. During the funeral, my family went all out to help with the operation; the miserable scene of witnessing his only daughter crying and crying all day long aroused great sympathy; every time I touched the tears of her help, the more I was ashamed, and I felt some guilt.
The most feared topic is finally on the agenda. Faced with the coffin of the old comrade-in-arms who died of misfortune, my parents were obligated to propose to borrow their son as a son-in-law to improve the etiquette (funeral customs have this measure to increase the dignity of the deceased), so that the old comrade-in-arms (who saw his daughter have a good home before entering the soil) died, and by the way, they also stole the heart stone and promise of father Dade. In this way, irresistibly, I married another woman as a dowry, and at the same time carried a heavy burden of being unkind to you.
At that time, I did not feel the brightness of another new spring light. How many sleepless nights have passed, and the chaotic mood is like the sprinkling of a drizzle; cloaked in the night, I stand downstairs in your house, standing in place, letting the spring of the heart flow with the spring rain. I really don't have the face to knock on your door again, indifferently not knowing what wording to use to explain and apologize to you?! Although I have come and gone, I have come and gone, but I have no face to face the pain and haggardness of your broken heart caused by my negative heart...
If time could be turned back, if life could be started again? I only lamented that everything was irretrievable, but I felt my own heartache and the condemnation of my conscience. The love story that began in the spring and ended in the spring, the promise I made to you at the beginning but finally did not fulfill, even if there are many reasons, to this day I am still inexplicable and guilty! Why forget the last time I met unexpectedly afterwards, I looked at the Celebration of the Chinese New Year Tea Party held by the Municipal Writers Association?
Shen Xixing: Pen name Confucian general, Zhao'an, Zhangzhou, Fujian Province. In 1999, he was the first practicing physician and clinical diagnosis and treatment worker of professional internal medicine, and a member of the Red Ten Society. He is a member of the Fujian Yuelian Society, a director of the Zhangzhou Yuelian Society, an executive deputy director of the activity base of the Zhangzhou Yuelian Society; a director of the Zhao'an Creation Base of the Fujian Haixi Yanshi Painting Institute; a member of the Zhangzhou Writers Association; and a member of the Zhangzhou Civic Writers Association. Vice President of the Macao Headquarters of the Shaoling Poetry and Literature Society. He is a member of the Research Center for Chinese Poetry and the Chinese Poetry Research Society.
The author is the creation of amateur literary and artistic hobbies, many poetry and prose works have been scattered in various networks, newspapers and periodicals and won awards, the original poem "Eternal Memory" won the silver medal of the "Chinese Love" National Prose and Poetry League in the Great Hall of the People, "Autumn Language Ru Appeal" was included in the college entrance examination essay reference materials; some representative works of poetry and prose were included in a number of large-scale book collections, such as "Huangpu River Poetry Tide" (Wenhui Publishing House), "Chinese Contemporary Cultural Memory" (Chinese Publishing House). Shen Xixing Poetry Collection" and "Shen Xixing Idle Love And Occasional Notes"; personal list "Chinese New Era Literary and Art Masters Dictionary" (China Culture Publishing House).