1. Break away
I advised my mother: "The family should be cut off for a while, and it is better to throw away the things that are not needed and let the family occupy the place." ”
My mom: "Then you don't consciously leave this house!" ”
Me: "..."
2. Poor relatives
Seeing in the magazine how terrible and clingy poor relatives were, I said to my father, "Dad, our family is so good, there are no poor relatives!" ”
The father was silent for a moment and said, "We are poor relatives of other people's families!" ”
3. Which station
An old lady on the bus has sat at the station and must ask at every stop. As soon as the car arrived at the station, she stabbed the driver with an umbrella: "Which station is this?" Is it an exhibition center? ”
Driver: "No, it's a rib!" ”
4. Soul problems
I heard a girl in the car calling her boyfriend: "If I'm with your mom..." Hearing this, I thought to myself: This girl is really vulgar, and she still asks this kind of question.
But her next words stunned me, "Confinement, who do you take care of first?" ”
5. Fairy tales are unscrupulous
Taking the bus home, there was a mother and daughter sitting next to her, and the little girl was about four or five years old, and she looked particularly cute. I deliberately teased her: "Call my sister, and my sister will give you candy." ”
The girl opened her eyes and looked at me and said, "Auntie, I'm just small, but I'm not stupid." ”
6. Adaptation
Son: "Mom, the unit plans to send me to the United States for two years of further study." ”
Mother: "Yes, you have only been working for a year and are so prominent?" ”
Son: "No, it's because I doze off as soon as I go to work, but I'm very energetic at night, and the boss says I'm more comfortable with American time." ”
7. Equal emphasis
While looking in the mirror, the wife asked her husband: "Husband, to be honest, what do you think of me as a person?" ”
Husband: "Although it is not both beauty and wisdom, at least you have one." ”
Wife: "Beauty or wisdom?" ”
Husband: "It's very sick. ”
8. Vibration mode
At noon, the electrician was overhauling the line, and his mobile phone was ringing at a loud volume, making people uncomfortable.
I said, "Master, can your phone be vibrating?" Too noisy! ”
The electrician connected the wire and said, "No, then I will think I have been electrocuted!" ”
9. Weigh yourself
When my wife weighed her stomach, I said, "You weigh it not waist circumference, and your stomach weight will not be reduced!" ”
The wife replied: "You know what, I don't see the display screen." ”
10. Burn paper money
A man took his child to the cemetery to worship his parents, and after coming out of the cemetery, he found a place nearby and began to burn paper money. The child felt strange and asked him, "Haven't you already burned paper money in front of the tombstone?" ”
The man explained: "What you burned just now must have been taken away by your grandmother, and now you are burning some private money for your grandfather alone." ”