June is another annual "Pride Month".
With the development of affirmative action, people's attitudes towards sexual minorities have gradually changed from fear and disgust to acceptance and respect. In an increasingly open and inclusive environment, more and more sexual minorities are no longer careful to hide themselves.
As LGBTQ+ friendly, we received a fan message like this:
Hello, straight people get along with sexual minorities, are there any precautions or taboos?
Yes, a while ago, when I was traveling with my girlfriend, she came out with me, and I was surprised, but I still supported the sexual minority. But after that, I felt a little awkward with her.
Chat about some topics, such as seeing which little brother is very handsome on the road, I don't know if it is appropriate to talk to her, I simply don't talk about it; we originally set the big bed room, I am afraid it is inconvenient to change it to a standard room. She knew that her mood seemed to be suddenly very bad after the trip, and she didn't play much with me when she came back from travel.
I don't know if I offended her somewhere? I don't want to lose her good friend, so I want to ask you for help.
From this fan's question, we can feel her kindness and the willingness to understand sexual minorities.
I believe that there are many straight people who also have sexual minority friends, classmates, colleagues and even family members, but it is easy to be overlooked that in many details of daily interaction, perhaps you inadvertently offend or hurt the sexual minority (if you want to know if you have inadvertently offended the sexual minority, see below).
In a 2018 study published by the American Social Movement Progress Program, the LGBT community felt the most stinging prejudice in those of the most everyday activities.
If you are also a straight person who supports sexual minorities and genuinely cares about the sexual minority friends around you, you need to be aware of which language/behaviors may sting them, and which can truly express your support and understanding of them.
Today, we will talk about how straight people get along with sexual minorities.
1. No presets, less offense
I interviewed some of my sexual minority friends: Have you ever felt offended in your daily interactions with straight friends? It turned out that when someone shared their experiences, other sexual minorities also resonated.
The following seemingly "normal" words actually have implicit presets. Let's take a look at why we think that discourse with these presuppositions is unfriendly to sexual minorities?
01.
Wrong preset
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02.
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2. Come out for others, you don't have to
On campus or in the workplace, some straight people may accidentally "kick the door of a few friends."
Like what:
If a sexual minority friend comes out to you, it doesn't mean that he has come out to everyone.
For most sexual minorities, coming out can be a never-ending, lifelong complex process.
Because every day, they need to consider whether to disclose it and to whom. Before deciding to come out to a person, the sexual minority will think about it: will he understand? Will he still treat me like he did before? Will he judge me? Will he be angry? Will he be disappointed? Will he hurt me? Will I lose my job? Will I lose my family? Will I be safe?
In fact, many sexual minorities choose not to come out, precisely because in some way this will make their lives easier (don't worry a lot). So, if a sexual minority is honest with you, it means that you are a very trustworthy person for him or her and makes him feel safe.
Even if the current social environment is relatively friendly, there are still risks for sexual minorities to come out. Hastily disclosing their gender identity and sexual orientation is likely to put the other party at risk.
In Japan, the supportive minority assistance hotline has received 110 inquiries about "forced exits" in the six years since its establishment. A young man, because his boss disclosed his sexual orientation to colleagues, led to mental problems; a graduate student jumped off a building to commit suicide because he was disclosed as a comrade. "Forced to come out" may also lead to the instability of interpersonal relations in various aspects such as family and employment, leaving them in an isolated situation.
In view of this, Mie Prefecture in Japan has enacted a legal provision prohibiting the disclosure of the parties' sexual orientation and gender identity to a third party without the consent of the parties.
Unless you are sure, certain, and sure that he has come out to others present, pay extra attention to your conversation with him and the way you talk about him in front of others, so as to avoid all the negative effects of "coming out for" him, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Remember, only he can decide for himself whether to come out or not.
3. Don't ask about privacy, think differently
First, these questions are essentially snooping into someone else's private life. Sexual minorities are often bombarded with overly private issues.
Think about it from another perspective, if heterosexuals are offended by this kind of question, then we shouldn't ask sexual minorities in this way. You can maintain a genuine curiosity to understand the other person's inner world instead of snooping on someone else's privacy.
Second, not every pair of sexual minority partners has a role where one is masculine and the other is feminine. Moreover, there are many sexual minorities who do not want to be classified in this way, in fact, this is also a kind of "heterosexual hegemony" centered on gender dualism.
4. Don't think that he is a sexual minority, he knows everything about sexual minorities
Your sexual minority friends are not walking LGBT encyclopedias.
While you may have heard that sexual minorities have their own "circles" within themselves, perhaps there will be some culture among them that belongs to their own groups. But sexual minorities are also a vast, diverse system, and everyone's experience is different.
In the process of understanding sexual minorities, many straight people either pay too much attention to their sexual minority identity or think that they know enough about sexual minorities. As a result, we ignore that he is a living person around you, who has his own life story.
Seeing this, straight friends may be very confused: how do I support sexual minority friends? So many taboos I am so afraid to step on the thunder.
Our advice is not to be afraid to make mistakes, everyone may accidentally offend each other when interacting with friends, but as long as you are well-intentioned and caring, even if you make a mistake, it doesn't matter, you can always ask, clarify, apologize.