Middle age is a watershed moment in life.
When we are young, we live freely and freely, naively believing that everything is in our hands.
Half a life has passed, experienced vicissitudes, and seen the true appearance of life, we gradually understand that in the second half of life, if you want to live easily, you should:
Less anticipation, less comparison, less entanglement.
I once read a very heartfelt sentence on the Internet:
"Many times, you think that as long as you are good to others, others will be good to you, but forget some people, no matter how good you are to him, he is only perfunctory, many times, you think that the sincerity, but a deception." 」
My friend Cher once confided in me one thing:
Xue'er's classmates moved to a new house last year, and Xue'er and her husband took the initiative to help.
That day was busy to the middle of the road, unfortunately, the community power outage, the two of them helped to move large and small objects from the first floor to the eleventh floor.
Exhausted and exhausted, busy for most of the day, considering that her classmates were too busy, Xue'er did not stay there to eat.
The classmates were very grateful to Xue'er at that time, and the relationship between the two families became closer.
Xue Er always thought that if she had difficulties and needed help one day, the other party would definitely go all out.
After the pandemic, Cher's restaurant opened.
Because there was a waiter who was out of town, he had not rushed over, and there was a shortage of manpower in the shop, xue'er remembered and asked the classmate to come and help for half a day.
The phone rang, the classmate said that he was going to a foreign country, and Xue Er didn't think much about it.
Unexpectedly, Xue'er's husband saw the classmate walking the dog on the way to work.
This incident has always made Xue'er grumble.
Many times, the reason why we are disappointed or sad inside is because expectations are not met.
In life, we always seem to like certain relationships, and some people have great expectations, thinking that if they have helped others, others will remember a human feeling.
As everyone knows, people's hearts are unpredictable, or you simply can't know what other people really think.
Often the greater the expectation, the stronger the sense of gap, the more disappointed people;
Conversely, the lower the expectation, the easier it is to be satisfied and the easier it is to be happy.
If you want to be in a good mood, you have to be less expectant and more casual, so that not only will you not be disappointed, but you will occasionally receive small surprises.
Tu Lei said something like this:
"A lot of times we are not being ourselves, but imitating others, not living our own lives, but envying the lives of others, not pursuing our own happiness, but copying the happiness of others."
It is undeniable that we have been comparing, and from the beginning of life, when reading is more than grades, after the establishment of the performance, clothes than the brand, buy a house than the size, love is sweeter than the marriage, marriage is more stable. ”
The root of a person's unhappiness lies in comparison, as long as there is a comparison, there will be a psychological gap, compared to the comparison, the final result, is frustration and self-denial.
Milan Kundera says:
"Living elsewhere."
Many times, we look at other people's lives as happiness, when we get to ourselves, we are cruel, what we lose is beautiful, and after we get it, we feel that it is not so.
In the short film "Neighbor's Window", the hostess spies the passionate life of the neighbor through the window of the neighbor opposite, yearning for it, so that she is even more dissatisfied with her tedious and tiring life.
But when she found in the telescope that the host on the other side had died of illness, and the hostess on the other side was also through the window, yearning for her family's living life, she was shocked, and at the same time, she realized that her life was also very warm.
In life, we often only see the scenery of others, but ignore the vicissitudes of others, when others are happy, you are full of envy, but never face everything you have.
In fact, the most precious thing at the moment is what you are having at this time, life is not elsewhere, it is right here.
I heard a poignant remark:
"If, people can't avoid comparison all their lives, then you might as well change the way of thinking about comparison, you go to the hospital to see, in fact, health is the greatest wealth, you go to the cemetery to walk, live well, is the biggest luxury." 」
Less comparison, more cherishing, you will reap a calm, a happiness.
In "A Place of Chicken Feathers", Liu Zhenyun told a series of bad things around "tofu".
The protagonist Kobayashi, in order to buy tofu and delayed the unit shuttle, late to work, the new college student work is more real, self-righteously assigned him a "late", Kobayashi angrily changed to "punctual", but one day was very unhappy.
Because of catching the bus, he forgot to put tofu in the refrigerator, causing the tofu to become dirty, so he quarreled with his wife Xiao Li.
The two quarreled, and Kobayashi began to accuse his wife of breaking a warm water bottle before, and the wife said that Kobayashi had also broken a vase.
Kobayashi was always entangled in trivial matters that upset him and made a mess of his life.
In life, if a person is calculating everything, he will only let himself fall into the quagmire of life and struggle.
The more you dwell on bad things, the worse things get and the worse the endings get.
Many people live tired, not because their lives are too bad, but because they are constantly entangled in the past, so that they are physically and mentally exhausted.
Li Xuelian in the movie "I Am Not Pan Jinlian" is a person who is too entangled in the past.
Li Xuelian, a rural woman, was slandered by her ex-husband:
"Is your name Li Xuelian?" Why do I think your name is Pan Jinlian? ”
In order to get justice for herself, tell everyone that "I am not Pan Jinlian", she fought a lawsuit for 20 years before and after, from the county town to Beijing, sad for most of her life, and in the end, she did not correct this sentence.
For 20 years, Li Xuelian could have lived a better life, but she pestered her for half a lifetime for a word, a bad breath, and a bad thing.
Maria Robinson said:
"No one can go back in time and start over, but everyone can start now and create a whole new future."
In this life, people will encounter many unpleasant things, and if everything is to be deeply involved, it will definitely bring endless troubles to themselves.
Don't get entangled in bad things, don't worry about small things, in order to get happier.
Writer Mader said:
This world seems to be surrounded by noise, all kinds of people, etc., all kinds of mud and sand. Essentially, it's your world alone.
If you are clear, the world will be clean;
If you are simple, the world is difficult to be complex.
Most of the people who live a life that is not simple and have many troubles stem from high expectations, more and more entanglement.
Less expectations, not overestimating relationships, not underestimating people's hearts, and being close to each other is the best way for a person to live;
Less comparison, not envy others, cherish everything you have at the moment, will have a healthy mentality;
Less entanglement, no matter how small things are bad, and not obsessed with the past, can we have a good mood of embracing life.
A hundred years of life, flashy fame and fortune, but it is just a passing cloud, only an ordinary heart makes people feel at ease.
May you see lightly, think openly, expect less, compare and entangle, and live a relaxed and comfortable life.
Author | Poplar, a man who loves to chat and loves to tell stories.
Image | Visual China