When the national divorce rate statistics were released in 2020, it immediately appeared on the news hot search, and the national average divorce rate was as high as 39%, which means that for every ten couples married, there will be four divorces.
This data makes people sigh, remembering that when the epidemic was first lifted, Shanghai was first filled not with entertainment venues such as bars, movie theaters and shopping malls, but by the Shanghai Marriage Registry Office. There are a lot of couples who have already booked a divorce.
What is the reason why China's divorce rate remains so high? In the reporter's interview, most of their reasons for divorce were three views of discord.
This situation is very common in today's marriages, some couples who are together very early, the gap between the two parties' respective academic qualifications and ideas is getting wider and wider, some are simply separated, and many even if they are not separated, they have long been in the same bed and dream.
When people face similar problems in marriage, do they face the same problems? In fact, a person's greatest merit is to be a "pillow person" who has lived a lifetime together.
Why? Read the following and you will understand.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="7" >01 three views of the union, the marriage is long </h1>
As the saying goes: "If you want to get along well with feelings, it is indispensable for the three views to match." ”
What are the specific three views? Outlook on life, values, worldview. People who do not fit these three things are difficult to live together.
Friend Kuroko just divorced some time ago, he complained to our friends, this marriage is too painful, he and his ex-wife are in love with high school, and then he was admitted to college, finished graduate school, and his ex-wife just went out to work after high school.
After marriage, the conceptual gap between the two sides is very large, such as buying some books or going to a concert, the ex-wife will constantly complain that he wasted money, in the education of his son, he expects his son to develop in an all-round way, but the ex-wife only stares at the results, and if he is not good, he will scold his son.
Problems such as these are innumerable in life, and the quarrels between the two sides are becoming more and more intense, and finally they can only end in divorce.
The story of friends is also a reflection of the marriage of many people at present, and the marriage of three views is really only endless pain.
A person's attitude to life, the realization of the value of life, the view of the world is completely different, there is no topic to talk about, less common topics, husband and wife slowly there is no communication, only routine questions and answers, more and more distant from each other, and finally even familiar strangers can not do, where the feelings are sweet.
On the contrary, people with the same three views have common topics and the same views on the same thing, so that the communication and recognition between husband and wife will only increase, and they will become more and more harmonious with each other, which can make the feelings heat up for a long time.
Moreover, in life, both parties can also feel the same way, you understand my ideas, I understand your meaning, understand each other, avoid many quarrels and contradictions, such a marriage can make both parties feel relaxed and comfortable, so that the feelings are long and long, and the days are smooth and smooth.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="19" >02 Couples who can let go of self-grasping will love each other more</h1>
The so-called self-grasping is the solipsism. This kind of person is often self-righteous, and behaves very strongly in the relationship between husband and wife, that is, to score you and me, to prove that the other party is wrong, to be right, and to strongly demand that the other party obey their own arrangements.
They always say: "I am determined to help more people, and I hope to have greater achievements." "But the wife or husband does not understand himself, thinking that they have no pattern.
Such a tough attitude will only make the other party feel great pressure in life, and many people with depression are precisely because of family problems that lead to the occurrence of this disease.
We need to understand a truth: those who are more people actually include the people around us. Therefore, since mortals have the limitations of mortals, then naturally they will also include the limitations of cognition, the limitations of ability, and the limitations of vision.
Therefore, in the daily life of husband and wife, we should not turn a blind eye to the problems in front of us, but we should be eager to try distant and illusory problems. The "pillow person" is the person who should help him the most.
As the old saying goes, "Why sweep the world without sweeping a house?" "If you can't even help the person closest to you, can't tolerate it, how can you talk about achieving others?"
The so-called masses are illusions, and only the person around you is the truth. Only if you can temper the people around you, it means that you have the ability to help everyone.
Therefore, we must be more tolerant and help to the people around us, so that we will love each other more, love will be longer, and we can achieve greater achievements.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="30" >03 are the most beautiful appearance of husband and wife</h1>
As mentioned earlier, when it comes to letting go of self-grasping, many people may have questions, how can we let go of self-grasping and become our own "pillow people"? The answer is simple: make one another perfect.
Let's start with a story:
One year my father set out with a bag on his back and made a walk-and-go trip to Tibet. I asked my mother, "Why don't you go together?" ”
My mother replied, "I don't like going to Tibet very much, so I'm not too interested in this trip, and your father is a little hesitant to see me not going, but I still strongly support him to go to Tibet once, because it is his dream." ”
As it turned out, my mother didn't like my father's way of traveling, but when my father decided to leave, she wouldn't object, she would only respect his choice, and maybe that's why they still had such a good relationship after many years.
You know, everyone is an independent individual, even if the relationship is good, there will be differences in personality, everyone will have their own preferences, their own dreams, if you have to force your partner to do something he does not like, you will be unhappy, the other party will feel selfish.
The longer couples get along, the more thoroughly they see each other's relationships, and the more clearly they know what they and each other want to do. If you have the same hobbies, go hand in hand. If they are different, then they should respect each other and be okay with each other.
For example, you love to watch movies, the other party loves to watch TV series, you can not watch with him, but you also have to respect his preferences and choices, do not scorn this, or even prevent each other from doing it, such a marriage will make each other very tired, but also will consume each other's good feelings.
Only by respecting each other can we reduce conflicts and contradictions; only by understanding each other and knowing how to think in a different position can we truly have happiness. The other party's wishes, although not necessarily their own, but they are willing to give him the longest support, to complete the other party to achieve, this is the most beautiful look of love.
A hundred years of repair to cross the same boat, a thousand years to repair a sleep together. If life is a journey, then the "pillow man" is the best guide on our journey!
Therefore, to make the people around you feel respect and love, in order to have the ability to let others also feel respect and love. Finally, I hope that everyone can be kind to their "pillow people", happy and happy, and the family is healthy.
Author: Mr. Senmei
Family affairs, state affairs, world affairs, a little knowledge of one or two; worry about the glass heart, explain three or four.
People have a thousand faces, things have everything, the world under the tip of the iceberg is the real world of undercurrents, and life needs to see through the eyes of illusions.
Mr. Qianmian takes you every day to see through the illusions of life and resolve the puzzles of life.
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