Fang Gun, a 4-year-old boy, in his short kindergarten years, he went through a process of rebellion - submission - and then rebellion.
A lot of people say to me: I like square guns.
Why do so many adults like a 4-year-old?
Because he may be the epitome of us.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="5" >01 Rule-abiding square gun</h1>
"Looks Beautiful", this movie tells the story of the little boy Fang Gun was raised by his grandmother before the age of 4, and then went to kindergarten, from rebelling against the rules of kindergarten, to subordinating to the rules, and then to the process of complete rebellion.
Rules are social laws from which we cannot escape.
For example, the recent high school entrance examination is a kind of rule, and almost every one of us has experienced it.
If you follow this rule, you must study hard and strive for the first place.
Society has many rules, but there are no best rules, only rules that can manage more people.
The class teacher, Mr. Li, is the manager of Fang Gun Kindergarten and manages about 70 children.
She asked everyone to get up every morning to pull the poop, line up to wash their farts, add rice and raise their left hand or raise their right hand, and children who meet this rule will be rewarded with small red flowers.
When the square gun first came, he didn't want to follow the rules, he cried, he was wronged, and he longed for freedom. But everyone advised him to follow the rules.
He could not resist during the day, and dreamed of peeing naked at night, a dream that represented his aversion to the rules.
But then he succumbed to the temptation of the little red flower, because everyone had the little red flower and he didn't.
He started to follow the rules and try to do well.
However, Teacher Li was very strict, and the square gun still did not get a small red flower after a long time of hard work.
Then he chose rebellion.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="19" >02 Rebellious square gun</h1>
Some people say that it is because Teacher Li is too strict and does not understand the psychology of the child, which leads to the rebellion of the square gun.
But other children still follow the rules, why is this?
This is because the rules in everyone's mind are different.
And traditional leaders choose rules that govern more people.
Fang Gun left a small braid when he came to the kindergarten, and he was brought up by his grandmother in the next generation, which can be seen that he is more free and loose, and likes a relaxed environment.
Not every child's growth environment is the same, many children have more rules for tutoring, and they will immediately adapt to Teacher Li's kindergarten.
The same is the square gun, in the class of Teacher Li's class, he is rebellious, and if you change to a more relaxed kindergarten or class teacher, he may be a good baby.
This is not the fault of teacher Li, the rulemaker, nor the fault of the rebel Fang Gun.
Is there a mismatch between them.
No rule is perfect.
There is no rule that works for everyone. It's a bug, and it's an opportunity.
For example, I once wanted to create a "perfect" rule at home: when things happen, we discuss, communicate, democracy, and discuss.
But I never thought that the elderly in the family did not need such an environment.
They prefer to be one-sided, to listen only to the authority they approve of, or to succumb to the pressure of public opinion. No matter how you patiently communicate unreasonable things with them, they will not change.
Like what:
Every time my mother-in-law saw my baby (the little baby) crying, she said, "She's sleepy and sleepy." ”
Because she thinks so, even if the child is hungry and crying, she will not feed the child.
We said to her, "She may not be sleepy, she may be hungry and peeing." ”
She didn't speak, but she remained the same.
We asked her, "Tell me what you think, why do you always feel that she is sleepy?" ”
She said, "I've heard people say it before. (This man must symbolize some kind of authority)
We said, "That's probably not right, you see this time she cried because she was hungry, and as soon as we fed, she grunted and ate hard, and she didn't cry." ”
We want to discuss with her, be reasonable, and communicate harmoniously.
But the next time she still said: "She's sleepy, sleepy." ”
It is useless for us to talk kindly, and it is still useless to say that coercion and seduction are still useless, because the rule she abides by is: "authority" is right.
So everyone adapts to different rules, even if the rules I make look beautiful, but they don't fit them.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="46" >03 Human nature's choice of rules</h1>
Under the premise of choice, we should look for a suitable environment for ourselves, just as a seed should find a suitable soil for itself.
But many times we have no choice, like The Square Gun is forced by Dad in kindergarten and he can't leave.
At this time, human nature will appear in two directions.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="50" > the first is to overthrow the ruler and become the king himself. </h1>
Like the orangutan tribes in the animal world, male orangutans either challenge the old patriarch and become kings when they succeed, or they leave and establish their own new tribes.
After not getting the little red flower, fang gun gun began to spread rumors that Teacher Li was a monster and would eat children.
The children believed it and then joined him in trying to defeat Teacher Li.
But the challenge ended in failure. That is, the orangutan challenged the patriarch and failed.
So the rules of the kindergarten remain unchanged, and the ruler is still Teacher Li.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="56" > the second is to leave the ruler and establish your own kingdom. </h1>
Fang Gun gun is still a child, he has no way to achieve leaving and creating, so at the end of the film he is very depressed.
In the adult world, this manifests itself in starting a business, building a company, being a boss, and so on. Or go a freelancer and lead yourself.
This is our sublimation of the rebellious plot – creating our own rules without rules that suit you.
Many entrepreneurs themselves are rebellious children with headaches at home. Because they have the power to change.
Entrepreneurship usually has three outcomes: success, when it goes on, and failure.
(1) Successful entrepreneurship represents the success of rebellion.
Many people may not know that without the strength of rebellion, it is difficult to start a business.
Because there are no perfect rules in this world, there are many people who can't find an environment to adapt to, which will cause rebellion.
This creates opportunities for entrepreneurship, creates new rules, allows more marginalized people to adapt to it, and business opportunities arise.
For example, when I was a child, I always felt that family education was seriously unreasonable, and I wanted to rebel.
When I grew up, I went to give lectures and spread what I thought was a better educational philosophy for the benefit of people like me, which was a kind of rebellious success.
(2) When it is always going on, it means that some people have been working hard to start a business for many years, failing and then succeeding, succeeding and failing, or always being tepid.
You will find that the person is usually not in good health and has a bad temper.
I know a friend who started his business early after graduating from college. Now more than ten years later, I still often drink and talk about performance, and the relationship between the talks is not properly maintained, and it is lost after a period of time. Then he continued to drink and talk about performance.
People in their 30s, their health is already very poor.
This is because there is still a worry in their hearts, behind the rebellious forces. For example, worrying about rebellion is unfilial to parents, and success is hurting others.
Due to the pulling of the two forces, it will lead to its inability to succeed, and it will also lead to physical and mental exhaustion.
Every time the startup is a little bit better, there is a problem, and then start all over again.
They long for rebellion, and they worry that rebellion is not right, and if they can be firm one day, the business will be successful.
(3) Entrepreneurial failure, that is, rebellion failure.
Either this person goes to work, gives up his own rules, and obeys the rules he once didn't like.
Or just like the square gun in the movie, he will abandon himself and become a small.
Because the square gun cannot be created, the challenge to Teacher Li has failed, and the little red flower cannot be obtained by obeying the rules, so there is only one choice for the little bastard.
Psychologically speaking, this is a regressive way to gain freedom.
The square gun scolding Teacher Tang is a defensive mechanism that regresses to the period of oral desire, which is equivalent to a baby spitting.
When the more mature defense mechanism: obeying the rules, challenging the teacher, etc. fail one after another, it is easy to retreat to the low-level defense mechanism.
For example, when we communicate with a person but can't make sense of anything, we get angry, go crazy, smash things, say dirty words, and so on. These behaviors are the defense mechanisms after regression, the common phenomenon after the failure of the defense of the advanced defense mechanisms, and the sign of extreme pain.
But the teachers did not allow Fang Gun to retreat, locked him up, and let other children isolate him.
In the end, the square gun had no choice but to look up at the sky with depression and depression.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="86" >04 Not being rule-abiding doesn't mean you're wrong</h1>
The mainstream rules of society can adapt to more people, such as kindergarten teacher Li managed 70 children with one rule, 3 rebelled, and succeeded in 67 people.
But those 3 people weren't wrong.
When we are different from most, our minds will have the idea of "Am I wrong?" Because there is a sense of insecurity in minority groups.
And when you behave like a lot of people, you have a sense of protection. A rule similar to "the law does not blame the public".
But now society is becoming more and more open, embracing many innovations, and new rules are increasingly protected.
For example, before 2012, it was very difficult for me to do psychology in the industry, and many people could not accept psychological counseling, shook their heads when they heard it, and felt that they were sick before going to see it. So my psychology at that time was very challenging, and I also had the idea of "Shouldn't I go this way?" " thoughts.
But now there are many people who can accept psychological counseling as a way to improve our quality of life, and many people are willing to choose counseling on their own.
So when you or your child is different, don't push to make him like everyone else.
If your child does not follow the rules, you can change the environment more, find the rules that are suitable for him, or encourage him to create, bring it to the good soil to learn, such as communicating with entrepreneurs more, reading more entrepreneurs' autobiographies, etc.
If you're struggling, feeling lonely, and don't like working in the system, it's not your fault either. You need to increase your confidence and strength and choose to start a business or freelancing.
The existence of society is pluralistic, insist on being yourself, and do not be bound by a single rule.
You're not wrong, and neither is the square gun. And when you grow up, the square gun will also have a lot of choices.
—END—
Everyone has a self-independent soul.
Public number 【Heart Know Island】【One Nian Said】